Thursday, June 26, 2008

Beyond pissed right now

So, things have been going great. David loves his job, and we are currently trying to figure out legistics of buying a house in the new city... do I stay at my district another year? Sub in Iowa, but drive back for my classes? And what to do we do with this house. We are probably going to do a Land Contract or Rent because the market is bad right now, and we can't do 2 mortgages.

I just finished the final for one of my classes. So glad to be done with this class. It was the class from hell. I hated every second of it, and got absolutely nothing out of it besides 2 or 3 migraines and a few anxiety attacks.

So, why am I pissed, do you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked! Because I need to get a few things off my chest. It has come to my attention that someone is reading, and misinterpreting, my blog. Then this person passes it on to her/his spouse, who is friends with my husband. Today, this spouse decided to call my husband and tell him that I blame my husband for everything that goes wrong in our marriage. That it is his fault that we have no money and that I can't get pregnant. Hmm... interesting. Because, guess what? I DON'T! Nor have I ever, nor WILL I ever blame him for anything going on in our relationship. David knows that I blog, and he knows where to find it if he so desires. I have written a few of them with him sitting next to me.

So, I'm thinking... what would make a person think that? I have bad days, right? I have days where my anxiety and frustrations get to me, and my medicine DOESN'T work as well as other days. (like today: my heart has been racing because of this final I just took, and I've been sick to my stomach all day. this would NOT be the day to mess with me!). I looked back at my blog, and if you only choose to look at one or two days, then yes, you may think that I'm a total bitch who blames my husband for everything. But, if you read past the 3rd paragraph on June 14th (which I'm guessing this person did NOT), you will see that I had so much shit going on that day that it was bound to come out.

I also recall in that same blog discussing people hiding behind technology. So, I'll reiterate that point here: If you have something to say to me, come out from behind your computer and call me. You know my phone number. And if you don't, your spouse does, a mutual friend of ours does ~ hell, my mother-in-law knows it! I'm pretty sure you could get ahold of me to discuss your "concerns" if you wanted to.

I blog because I need a place to vent. I allow people to see my vents, because I'm not always the most "fluent" when it comes to verbalizing how I feel. And sometimes, I need to say things that if I type first will make a whole lot more sense when they come out of my mouth. So, again, if you don't want to take my blog and actually read it (not have your spouse read, misinterpret, then pass it on), then fuck off and get the hell out of my business.

The end.

PS - I feel SO much better now, and I hope to have more job/possibly moving updates in the near future!

Monday, June 16, 2008

He got it!

Wow, 2 good days in a row!!

David was offered a position today in, from my understanding, any paramedic's dream hospital/town/county ~ however the hell it works. Basically, there is one hospital in the entire county. The paramedics are stationed out of the hospital, so they go on calls when they come out. And in between calls, they help out in the hospital. If an IV needs done, and a nurse can't get it, 99% of the time, they call a paramedic!

It's not Grand Island, which is probably good for my sanity ~ not wanting to be a firefighter's wife! And it's closer to "home" by about 2 hours. Although, it is in Iowa, which means I will have to get a Teaching License from there. From what I'm reading, that's going to be a big old Pain in the ASS. But, there are no residency requirements, so we don't HAVE to move right this second.

We do have some decisions to make still, but what we are thinking (we had all weekend to do the "what ifs" and "how wills") is that we will have the house ready to sell by September 1st. We will start looking at houses in the new area at the same time, and I will also be working on getting my license in Iowa. I graduate in December, so basically, in January, we are ready to move!

So excited!!!! Thanks for any prayers that you gave us. They came in handy this time around. :-)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day!

So, I was kind of worried about Father's Day for David... Since we've been trying to conceive, and thought we'd be pregnant by now... this would be his first Father's Day, you know?

We decided we needed to kidnap our dad's and go on a road trip! Last minute, we asked Jessica to bring her dad, too (he's Daddy #2 to me!). She agreed, so we loaded up the van with kids and dads! Dad and Dave knew where we were going. Scott had no clue! He was guessing the whole time and had this look on his face. It was priceless.

So, where did we go? Well, we drove 2 1/2 hrs for THE BEST BBQ in the state of Nebraska! That's right, we went back to Prairie Creek Vineyard, outside of Central City, NE. When we were there at the beginning of the month, the owner (Nick) told us about the BBQ. This was the place we got the AWESOME pork loin from that we had for dinner at the mansion. We knew that we had to bring our dads out here for this event!!!



We got lots of pictures (more to come) and had a blast. We all ate too much and didn't drink enough! Scott and Jessica want to join us on the Wine Tour. We have partners now! But with Jessica and I both working Saturdays, we're going to have to plan it just right to get the ones way out in the pan handle!


David and I.


My best friend, Jessica, and I.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Uncertainty

Things are so up in the air right now. Everybody who knows me knows I'm a planner. All I do is plan. I need to know day and time for everything. And if I don't know, I ask. And if YOU don't know, and you're the lucky person I ask, I get anxious about it.

As we've been working on the house, things aren't done. The dog's room is done except for trim on the ceiling and their door. That's the only room in the house that's done. Why? Because my husband seems to think that I can hang drywall by myself, or that, better yet, the damn drywall will hang itself by magic!

My kitchen is a walking disaster. Chewy has found the pile of my old stuffed animals, and enjoys exploring for a new toy to drag outside. Today's find was a squirrel that's as big as him. Luckily it doesn't weigh as much as him! He seemed proud of his find.

My laundry room? Well, everytime I sort laundry and try to start working on it, again, my husband comes in behind me and feels the need to take everything out of the sorter to find the ONE pair of socks that he HAS to have when there is a full basket of clean socks to choose from.

My bedroom? We won't go there. Office? There either. Living room? Well, let's just say I have to move stuff from place to place to sit when I want to relax.

On Tuesday, after our evening away, I found a tick on my back. David got it out, but it was itching really bad. By Friday, David decided I needed to go to the doctor. Eh, no big deal. Saturday (today), I showed it to my boss at work and she says "I've never seen one do that!" So, she let me leave early and I went to the ER. But, would David go with me? Nope. He thought sleeping was necessary. Which, yes, it is. But, when you play around all day and then can't help your wife out because you're tired, I have absolutely NO sympathy for your ass.

The tick bite turned out to be nothing. The PA said it's probably a wood tick, which rarely carry disease. I may have had a slight reaction to the saliva (or whatever), but it should go away in a few days.

Now, I'm sitting in my house, trying to figure out what's up with everything. The uncertainty of knowing we'll be moving, but not knowing when or where scares me. I can't plan that. I can't plan to find my perfect home in the new city when (a) I don't know where that city is yet and (b) I don't know when this house will sell. And how the hell can I sell this house when it looks like pigs live here?

I've been having really vivid dreams lately... Sunday night, I dreamed I was pregnant. The rest of the week, I've been dreaming things about the house, work, school, and pregnancy. I never remember my dreams. Ever. What's the deal?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still in High School. Rumors go back and forth; people don't talk to each other for days or even weeks, and then make assumptions about things they don't even KNOW; relationships and friendships are challenged because somebody doesn't have the balls to say how they feel. Seriously, people. I think the youngest person that I can call a friend is probably 24; the oldest, well, she wouldn't be very happy if I said her age, but let's just say that her son is 2 years younger than me. So, why hide? Why hide behind technology? Why hide behind closed doors and whispers? And don't fucking lie. Rumors can kill relationships so damn quick it's scary. The fire department has had alot happen to it recently. And the "family feel" of it is going away. Someone challenged David's "authority" during a Tornado Warning when he was making sure that the people in the building were safe. Now he's the bad guy because he, as an officer, gave an order that should have been followed out for the safety of the CHILDREN involved. I don't get people sometimes. I know I'm not the perfect friend by any means... But I just don't get it. Don't act like you are my friend to my face and then go behind my back and say shit you don't even understand.

I hate when I find out people are pregnant. I know that's not fair. A baby is a blessing. And I know that sometimes you say "we'll try next year" when you are already trying, but you know you are having problems. Case in point: my mom thinks we'll start trying on our 2nd anniversary. But, I get so angry when people who don't deserve it get pregnant. Raise the one(s) that you have before you open your damn legs again. Get your own house for God's Sake. I am NOT going to struggle because you can't get your own damn house and help pay the bills where you are staying. I love when my friends from a couple other boards get pregnant. They have all been trying, battling, as long - or longer - than me. They deserve it too. But the crackwhore down the street doesn't. The 17 year old who doesn't even know who the father is because she's slept with so many guys in the same time frame doesn't. My 21 year old sister-in-law doesn't. A friend commented to me a few months ago, "All of my friends got married last year, and now they're all pregnant." Well, either I'm not your friend, I didn't get married last year, or I don't count as "all," because I'm sure as hell not pregnant. Trust me, you'll be one of the first to know. Hell, the whole damn city of Omaha will know when I pee on that stick and see 2 lines.

I feel like a WeightWatcher failure. I gained 2.6 lbs this week. Yeah, my period showed up, and I didn't make very good food choices... But, I was doing so well. This is my biggest gain in the 20 weeks - yep, 20! - that I've been doing it. And unfortunately, I didn't get motivated to try harder. It's almost like I've given up. I have to get to a different meeting than my usual Thursday nights while I'm in class. I really don't like the Wednesday night leader, but she's the only one who does meetings in the evening other than my regular lady who I LOVE. Maybe that's why. I don't feel like this one is trying to get to know me. And I don't have the relationship I do with the group from Wednesday night as I do with the group from Thursday night. I need to kick my ass back in gear. I need someone to challenge me to something. I need something to get me going.

Okay, well, now that this is a monstrously long blog and I'm more uncertain of anything than I was before, I'll end it here. The puppies need to eat, and I need a drink.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I've Been Tagged!

Sarah tagged me last week. First chance I've gotten, so, I guess these are the rules:

Answer the following questions about yourself. At the end of the post you pass on the questions to 6 other bloggers and list their names. Then write them a comment telling them that they've been tagged and ask them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know that you've accepted the challenge and refer to your post.

1. What did you do 10 years ago? I was in high school (duh)... I was in the Marching Band ~ yep, band geek through and through! I had just had knee surgery, and was dealing with some crap from that. Oh, and trying to pretend my parents weren't about to get a divorce. Yeah, that sucked.

2. Five items on your to-do list today:
* Go to class
* Get books for said class
* Read one of said books for said class
* Give the puppies their heartworm. They got their flea/tick stuff yesterday.
* Go to Home Depot!
* Possibly hang some drywall. If not that, then I might start painting one of the walls that all the way sanded down.... choices, choices....


3. Snacks I enjoy: Carrots, WeightWatchers ice cream!, anything chocolate (why do you think I gained 30 lbs over the last 5 years?)!


4. What would you do if you were a billionare? pay off all of our debt and my family's debts, buy a big huge farm and have horses and cows!, maybe I'd start up a winery (lots of work, but worth it! David would name it Just Good Wine and Desserts). And we'd travel all over the world!

5. Places I would live:
I'm boring: Grand Island or anywhere in Nebraska besides Omaha/Lincoln. Anywhere with 4 seasons that isn't Kansas.

6. Bloggers I am passing the challenge onto: Nobody (I don't have time to link it right now), but hell, if you want to, go for it!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Entering the 2nd Quarter Century...

That's right. Yesterday I turned 26. I'm officially into the 2nd Quarter of a century of my life. I know it sounds lame. But, I always thought things would be different when I was 26...

When, I was a kid, 26 was so old. Now, it's not so old. Hell I'm actually looking forward to hitting 30!

When I was in high school, my parents were married and my grandparents were alive. Every year for my birthday, my parents would take me - and the person I was dating or a friend - out for dinner, no matter what any of us had going on. And my grandparents would call and sing Happy Birthday as obnoxiously as they could muster over the phone. Neither of those happened this year. My dad met David and I for lunch. Mom sent me money. I'm sure Grandpa was singing in Heaven. But it's not the same.

When I turned 21, my sister said "For the first few years, you'll love getting carded ~ it means you've reached the age you can have a glass of wine! Then, you get annoyed because it's an inconvenience. You've been drinking for quite some time and you KNOW that you don't look that young. Then, you will hit the point where it's a privilege and a shock to be IDed." I didn't believe her. Now, I get it. I HATE being carded. Seriously? I'm 26 years old!! I did not turn 21 yesterday ~ it's been a while. I've had to have my driver's license renewed (and changd my name, too!) since I hit 21. I promise I'm old enough. Now, give me my damn wine.

When I was 20, I decided that I would have kids ~ and be done ~ by the time I was 28. I wanted to start at 25. Obviously, that changed when I met David and we were just getting married when I turned 25. I said "we'll have a baby by the time I'm 26." Yeah, not even pregnant. And to make sure that I KNEW - without a glimmer of hope - my damn period showed up ON my birthday. And I even had hope this month.... Fuck it.

So, that was what David had to contest with. He had to try to make this birthday special. And on top of that, I had run out of my anxiety medicine and was going through major withdrawls. And no sleeping pill the night before. Yeah, I was a wreck. He took me to Kimmel Orchard & Winery (Stop #8 on our Wine Tour!), and that was nice. I slept most of the way down there (felt bad about that). We stayed at Castle Unicorn, just outside of Glenwood that night. Our friends Mike and Becca gave us a night there for our wedding. We tried to use it a few weekends ago, but they had a wedding going on, so they owner honored it for us last night! It was really nice... peaceful and quiet. We decided to have a picnic on the grounds. We stopped at a grocery store that had nothing. Still emotional from lack of medicine ~ I started crying because bread was expensive and we were trying to make this cheap. Then, I started crying because they didn't have strawberries. Then, I cried because the only flipping dessert I could get for my birthday was a box of hostess cupcakes. Yeah, it was fabulous.

I did calm down ~ we walked the grounds for a little while. Very short while. I'm not a huge nature person, and I forgot my tennis shoes (another cause for tears). But, dinner was nice sitting outside. And the owner has an Australian Shepherd named Abby. She is GORGEOUS, and such a sweet dog. So, she hung out with us and then we gave her our ice from the lunch bag we had. She was happy!

The bed was super comfortable ~ we just relaxed! David tried to get me to take a bath, but I had no energy and it didn't even sound appealing. So, I fell asleep way early (watching old episodes of House) in David's arms (probably the best part of the day!).

Unfortunately, I had to wake up early, regardless of the mini-vacation. I had class at 10:00 at UNO, plus a midterm this evening. That was hell.

So, my birthday resolutions.... well, I guess more or less, things I want to happen this year:
* I want to get pregnant!
* I want to move. We'll know in August ~ hopefully we'll move in January! Grand Island, here I come!!!!
* I want to be done with my master's program. (This is a no-brainer. I graduate in December.)
* I want to make my goal weight in Weight Watchers. I have about 30 more pounds to go. That's definitely achievable!

Monday, June 2, 2008

One Whole Year!

Wow, I can't believe it's been a year. David and I celebrated our anniversary yesterday with a trip that began Friday afternoon and ended last night around 7:00. Of course, I continued forgetting my camera in the car, but everwhere we went had websites! Not quite the same, but...

Friday, I had a hair appointment and David had worked the night before. So, he stayed home and slept while I went and got beautif-ied at Toglias. Jess is my stylist - has been for about 4 years, and I love her! She did an awesome job! We lightened my hair a little more, but decided to keep growing it out...

So, after a few errands, David took me to a Tasting Room in Ft. Calhoun called Too Far North. She is working on her own wines - hopefully next year - so, she has wines from a bunch of other vineyards around Nebraska! David and I asked which ones are worth going to, and she suggested this: 2008 Nebraska Wine Tour! You try to go to as many of the 23 vineyards across the state of Nebraska as you can by December 31st of this year. You get a prize if you visit 15, but a better one at 23. And then, there is a grand prize drawing as well! Well, David and I love going to vineyards, so we are all for it! If you're from Nebraska, and want to join us, let me know! Some of them are way out west, and gas money would get you a ride out there!

So, we hit 6 other vineyards besides Too Far North (visited on Friday), for a total of 7 vineyards in 2 1/2 days! We started with Deer Springs Winery in Lincoln on Friday. Nice conversation; good wine, but nothing to write home about.

On Saturday, we went to 3. First, we hit Miletta Vista Winery in St. Paul (north of Grand Island). They had some really good wines, and again, good conversation. They had some amazing views as well! My favorite wine from there was the Serenade.
Then, we drove over to Central City and visited Prairie Creek Vineyards. This is a newer vineyard as well, but OMG!!! The owners have made a wine out of Rhubarb that was SO good! His partner smokes pork and beef as well, so we took a 1/4 of a porkloin with us. We decided to pair it with a bottle of their St. Vincent, which is a sweet red wine. So yummy! They had other good ones, too, but this is the one David liked the best, and I thought it was good too!
After Central City, we hit an open house in the Grand Island area. With the fire department trying to recruit David, we figured since we were in the area, we could look around... only time will tell, but I fell in love with this area of the state! I could definitely see myself living in the Grand Island area! :-)
After the Open House, we shot over to Ravenna for our 3rd (and final) vineyard of the day: Cedar Hills Vineyard, Gardens, & Tasting Room. More good wine, but again, nothing to write home about. However, we did take a Strawberry Rhubarb pie for dessert that night! That was to DIE FOR!!!!!

Saturday night, we stayed in Lincoln at The Anniversary Mansion. This was my surprise last year for our wedding. David found the Mansion and took me there ~ it was beautiful. We decided to make it a tradition that we will go every year for our anniversary. This year, we stayed in the Anniversary Suite, and it was absolutely beautiful! David and Cynthia are wonderful hosts and wonderful cooks!

Sunday morning: our anniversary! We went to two more vineyards! James Arthur Vineyards (Raymond, NE - outside of Lincoln) is one that we have been to before, and love it more each time! We haven't been for some time, and they had some new wines. 2 Brothers has always been a favorite of mine, but I found 2 new ones that I liked better: Traminette and Snowy Egret White! We got a bottle of the Snowy Egret, and it *might* last until my birthday next week!
We also hit Soaring Wings Vineyard in Springfield. Unfortunately, they had a big event going on so it was loud and crowded. We decided to stay and do the tasting so we could get the stamp. We weren't really all that impressed. Their Dechaunac was the only wine out of the ENTIRE trip that we hated so much that we threw out. We want to go back when it will be quieter and we have more time to enjoy ourselves.

We came home so David could shower and I could do my hair. He had reservations at a nice restaurant and I wanted to look cute! On the way out the door, our friend Sheila called. She had her husband had gotten into a fight and we needed to go get her. Yeah.... well, let's just say David is a good surpriser. He arranged for an anniversary party complete with our pastor and we renewed our vows! I will have pictures of this eventually... My camera wasn't used, so I'm at the mercy of other people for the pics! But, it was perfect. He did a great job surprising me, and everybody that was the most important to us was there! Afterwards, we went to Spaghetti Works in the Old Market, and then had ice cream with Sheila (no, they had not gotten into a fight - that was David's story to get us to the gazebo).

In baby-making news.... we should be getting David's results back today!! I ovulated this weekend (perfect, huh?), so we are down to limited time if we can do an IUI or not. Hopefully the nurse will call us with the results (the urologist said we wouldn't need to come in since it's out-of-pocket costs), so I can make an appointment with my OB!

In weight-loss news... obviously the weekend filled with wine, bread, and cheese was not exactly WW-friendly! Today starts a new day. We are back to the gym everyday. We are only eating healthy food - no more junk! David wants on GI's dept and the test is July 12. He has 6 weeks to get his butt in shape! He knows he can do it, and every pound he dropps between now and then will be better for him.

In house news... we're still where we were last week. I'm going to get the 3rd bedroom painted today and everything cleaned up. The cable company is coming out to check an outlet for us tomorrow so we can have cable in the living room ~ not based out of the one from the 3rd bedroom. Puppies are coming home from Daycare today, hopefully to a cleaner house!

So, that's it. Nice long blog for you all, but it's been a while! Hopefully I'll have some recipes for you in the next few days... I have one I know about: Turkey Jack Burgers, and also Pear Crisp (I don't think I've done that one yet)...