Baby Making 101

Well, David and I have made a decision about having a baby. We definitely want one, and we will fight for it with everything we have. Because of the accident, David missed several days of his Clomid, so it's almost like starting over because of the life cycle of sperm. So, while we wait we have a few things on the way:


Supposedly this daily supplement will help David's swimmers. And, I figure if he's taking more stuff, I can too! You never know - I could always have something wrong and we just don't know it yet. So, I'll be a little proactive (along with my daily prenatal that I take).


Predictors will help us narrow down when I'm ovulating. I've used these in the past and they seem to be pretty accurate. Let's just hope that David's work schedule corresponds with my body!


TMI, maybe? But, I've always been on the dry side and this lube is sperm safe - supposedly it actually helps the swimmers get to where they need to go!


These cups are supposed to keep everything up close and make sure none "leak" out.

So, we ordered enough stuff for 3 months. If nothing by then, we'll go back to the OB and see what he can do! We want our baby, and feel like we've been wasting time. Hopefully David's work schedule will cooperate. That, I think, is our biggest obstacle right now. Fingers crossed! And any extra prayers you have floating around would really help! Thanks!

Merry Christmas

Today has always been a day of reflection for me. I'm sitting here, leaning against the wall with Jazzy curled up next to me. My family is here, just talking about random things. David and I were up late last night finishing up our wrapping. Our family joined us for a wonderful day!

I miss my grandparents terribly. No, it's not the first Christmas without them. But, for the first time - I used their salt/pepper shakers, their oven mitts, bathroom towels, and reindeer sheets that I bought Grandpa a few years ago. Our tree isn't the best, but it's ours.

We don't have a baby, or even a pregnancy, but we are in love, and we are together. Even though it's tough, things could be so much different. We are going to work hard to get pregnant this year. Next Christmas, we will hopefully have a baby to see Christmas.

I'll post pictures later. The dogs were treated by Grandma (my mom) with rawhides and toys. We also got them toys, raw hides, and a new bed. They have been chewing for over 2 hours, and our dinner was awesome. The biggest thing for us: we are together.

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and spending time with your family. Here's to a wonderful 2009 and many more years and dreams to come.........

Cherry-Almond Biscotti

Another recipe! This one is really good. The only thing was that it was more crumbly than I thought it should be, but it tastes good!

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 22
Preparation Time: 11 min
Cooking Time: 50 min


Ingredients
2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1 cup(s) sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp table salt
1 large egg(s)
2 large egg white(s)
1 1/2 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup(s) dried cherries, chopped
1/3 cup(s) slivered almonds, toasted
1 spray(s) cooking spray
Instructions

* Preheat oven to 350°F.

* Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour and next four ingredients in a large bowl. Combine egg, egg whites, almond extract and vanilla; add to flour mixture, stirring until well blended. Stir in cherries and almonds (dough will be dry and crumbly). Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface; knead five to six times. Divide dough in half. Shape each portion into an 8-inch-long roll. Place rolls 4 to 5 inches apart on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray; flatten each roll to 1-inch thickness.

* Bake at 350°F for 30 minutes. Remove rolls from baking sheet; cool 10 minutes on a wire rack. Reduce oven temperature to 325°F. Cut each roll diagonally into 1⁄2-inch slices. Place slices, cut sides down, on baking sheets coated with cooking spray; bake 10 minutes. Turn cookies over; bake an additional 10 minutes. Remove from baking sheets and cool completely on wire rack. Yield: 22 servings (serving size: 1 cookie).

Peanut Butter Cookies with Chocolate Center

Yet another Christmas recipe! I baked for 10 minutes and they were just a little overdone. 9 minutes is better. A little extra chocolate wouldn't hurt any (besides change the points), but that is coming from a Chocoholic!

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 30
Preparation Time: 12 min
Cooking Time: 11 min

Ingredients
2 spray(s) cooking spray
1 cup(s) sugar, granulated
1/4 cup(s) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup(s) chunky peanut butter
2 large egg(s)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp table salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 cup(s) whole-grain wheat flour
1 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips
Instructions

* Preheat oven to 375ºF. Coat 2 cookie sheets with cooking spray or cover with parchment paper.

* Place sugar, butter and peanut butter in a large bowl; beat with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla; blend well with mixer.

* Add salt, baking soda and flour to sugar mixture; beat until completely incorporated.

* Drop batter by heaping teaspoons onto prepared cookie sheets and flatten with the back of a wooden spoon. Make sure to leave about 2 inches between each cookie. (Bake in several batches to prevent over-crowding if necessary.) Place a chocolate chip in center of each cookie.

* Bake cookies until edges brown, about 10 to 11 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool on cookie sheet for 1 or 2 minutes; remove cookies to a wire rack and cool completely. Yields 1 cookie per serving.

I graduated!

Well, I officially graduated with my Masters of Science in Education (concentrating in ESL/ELL) from UNO on Friday. My last two grades aren't in yet, but I know I passed them both!

I didn't make my personal challenge of getting to a size 12, but with David's accident and all the other stress, it's okay. The biggest thing for me was when we went shopping. I didn't have to guess what size to wear or go to the Women's section. 2 of the 3 dresses fit perfect ~ the one that didn't had a belt at the waist and my torso is so long that those types of dresses don't work well.

Here are some pics:

My dress! I felt so good in it!!


My daddy and I. Yes, at 26 years old, I am still the biggest daddy's girl in the world! He has supported me in everything - mistake or not - and is such a wonderful role model for me.


David and I! He gave me his jacket when I had to turn my gown in and then walk to the car. He does love me! :-)


The Masters' gowns had these wing like things so I kept saying I felt like Bat Man! As we were going from the basement of the Civic to the auditorium, I texted David and said "We're leaving the Bat Cave!" He laughed.


David's mom got me a cake. I ate way more of it than I should have, but, hell, it was my graduation! We tried to send it home with her but she wouldn't take it. It will probably end up getting thrown away because we won't be able to finish it!

So, now I have to figure out what to do in my spare time! David is going to finish his RN degree which should take about 2 years. Hopefully we'll get pregnant before he finishes and maybe I'll go back for my administration certificate...... But, for now, I'm going to enjoy relaxing and keeping my house clean!

Carob Oatmeal Bars

Here's another dog-friendly recipe. Carob is dog-safe "chocolate." Yes, people eat it ~ I found it in the health food section at HyVee. I also cut the bars smaller than it says and used a smaller rectangle pan instead of square to get more treats.

Ingredients
~ 1/4 cup vegetable oil
~ 1/4 cup honey
~ 2 eggs
~ 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
~ 1/4 cup water
~ 1 cup whole wheat flour
~ 1/2 tsp baking powder
~ 2 cups quick-cooking oats, uncooked
~ 1/4 cup carob chips

In a medium bowl, mix all the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, mix all the dry ingredients. Slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry mixture, and mix well. Pour the batter into a greased 9 inch square baking pan. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes. The bars are done when toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool and cut into 2 inch squares.

Peanut Butter Apple Cookies

This is a dog-safe recipe. Last year, my mom got me a cook book for dogs called Doggy Desserts. No, I don't make treats very often, but when I do, the dogs love them! People can eat them too, but they are pretty bland.

I'm giving these to all the puppies in our lives!

Ingredients
~ 1 apple, chopped, with skin and core removed
~ 1/3 cup vegetable oil
~ 1/4 cup all natural peanut butter, no salt or sugar added (I used Smucker's Organic)
~ 1/4 cup honey
~ 1 egg
~ 2 cup whole wheat flour
~ 1/2 cup water

In a large bowl, mix all the ingredients. With a teaspoon, drop spoonfuls of dough onto a baking sheet, 1 inch apart. Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes. When done, the cookies should be firm to touch. Turn the oven off, and leave the cookies in for 1-2 hours to harden (I didn't do this part because I wanted them to be a little softer).

Chocolate Turtle Cookies

Okay, so I think this was my favorite of the 4. The caramel melted really nicely ~ a couple melted a little onto the pan ~ and the cookies were so soft and moist!!! Definitely gonna be making more of these! You definitely need to plan more time to chill though. I gave it 45 minutes and it wasn't enough. I did it anyways, and it was messy. So, maybe a couple hours would be better. Oh, and I used the back of a spatula to get the caramel flat (it was easier than using my hand and "kneading" it).

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 24
Preparation Time: 18 min
Cooking Time: 10 min


Ingredients
1 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/3 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa
2/3 cup(s) sugar
1/4 cup(s) reduced-calorie margarine
1/4 cup(s) fat-free cream cheese
1 large egg white(s)
2 tbsp fat-free skim milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 spray(s) cooking spray
24 piece(s) caramel candies
24 pieces pecan halves
Instructions

* Combine flour and cocoa in a small bowl; set aside. Beat together sugar, margarine, cream cheese, egg white, milk and vanilla extract in a large bowl; add flour mixture and blend well. Chill dough at least 30 minutes, or until firm.

* Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly coat 2 baking sheets with cooking spray.

* Shape dough into 1-inch balls; place on baking sheets about 1 to 2 inches apart. Press a caramel into each cookie and flatten; top each caramel with a pecan half. Bake for 10 minutes. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheets and then remove to a wire rack to cool completely. Yields 1 cookie per serving.

Lemon Cookie Snaps

Here is recipe 3. These were pretty good ~ I'm not a huge fan of lemon, but David and my dad are. So, I decided to make them. They were easy and moist. There was also a note at the bottom of the recipe ~ you can change the flavor by changing the juice and zest to the citrus of your choice.

POINTS® Value: 3
Servings: 15
Preparation Time: 10 min
Cooking Time: 12 min

Ingredients
1 1/2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp table salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 cup(s) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup(s) sugar
2 large egg yolk(s)
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 tbsp lemon zest, finely chopped
1/4 cup(s) reduced-fat sour cream
2 spray(s) cooking spray, flour-variety recommended
Instructions

* In a small bowl, combine flour, salt and baking powder; set aside.

* In a medium bowl, using an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy; add egg yolks and combine thoroughly. Add lemon juice and zest; beat well. Add sour cream and a small amount of flour mixture; beat to combine. Add rest of flour mixture and mix thoroughly. Turn dough out onto a large piece of plastic wrap. Cover tightly and refrigerate for 2 hours and up to 24 hours.

* Preheat oven to 375ºF. Coat 2 cookie sheets with cooking spray.

* Tear off heaping tablespoons of dough and roll into balls; place about 2-inches apart on prepared cookie sheets. Press each ball down with palm of your hand to flatten. Press tines of a fork across cookies in one direction to make lines. Press tines of a fork across cookies in opposite direction to make a cross-hatch pattern.

* Bake until edges of cookies turn golden, about 9 to 12 minutes. Remove from oven and leave on cookie sheets for 1 or 2 minutes; remove to a wire rack to cool completely. Yields 2 cookies per serving.

Crackle Spice Drops

Here is the second cookie I made. These don't really spread, so you can put them pretty close together. And they are so moist and yummy!

POINTS® Value: 1
Servings: 36 (I think I about doubled the size, so closer to 2 points and only 20 cookies or so)
Preparation Time: 18 min
Cooking Time: 8 min

Ingredients
1/2 cup(s) reduced-calorie margarine, soft
1/2 cup(s) unpacked brown sugar
1 large egg(s)
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp table salt
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1/4 cup(s) powdered sugar

Instructions

* Preheat oven to 375°F.

* In a mixing bowl, on medium speed, beat margarine with brown sugar until creamy. Add egg and vanilla extract; beat until light and fluffy. Stir in flour, baking soda, salt and spice.

* Roll rounded teaspoonfuls of dough into powdered sugar to coat. Place onto baking sheet. Bake until golden, about 7 to 8 minutes. Yields 1 cookie per serving.

Chocolate Cherry Oatmeal Cookies

This is the first recipe I've made for our Christmas Cookie Baskets. Everybody is getting 2-3 different kinds of cookies or bars, so be prepared for a bunch of recipes. This one is yummy, but I cooked the first batch for 14 minutes on accident and they were a little over-done. Still chewy and soft, but you could kind of taste the over-cooked-ness (and yes, this is a word!).

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 36
Preparation Time: 15 min
Cooking Time: 12 min

Ingredients
3/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour
2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp table salt
3/4 cup(s) butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup(s) sugar
3/4 cup(s) packed light brown sugar
2 large egg(s)
2 1/2 cup(s) uncooked oatmeal
1/2 cup(s) dried cherries
Instructions

* Preheat oven to 350ºF.

* Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt together in a small bowl; set aside.

* Place room temperature butter into bowl of a mixer and mix with a paddle attachment until smooth, or beat with an electric mixer. Slowly pour granulated sugar in an even stream into butter and mix on high speed until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Pour in brown sugar, mix until incorporated and then scrape mixture down from sides of bowl.

* Slowly beat in each egg one at a time until incorporated. Slowly beat in flour mixture until incorporated.

* Scrape mixture down from sides of bowl and stir in oatmeal and then dried cherries.

* Scoop rounded teaspoonfuls of dough onto a nonstick sheet pan, a pan lined with parchment paper or a silicon baking mat about 1 1/2 inches apart.

* Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, until edges are set. Cool completely. Either serve cookies or stack between sheets of waxed paper in an air-tight container and freeze for up to two weeks before serving. Yields about 1 cookie per serving.

David's Birthday

Yesterday was David's birthday and I told him that everything we did was up to him. We did have to feed the new puppies, but other than that, it was his day. He picked to go to Kobe Steakhouse because he had heard that it was good food and fun. I've been there, so suggested we invite my dad and his family. He was game, so I made those phone calls. We went to Jeanne's to feed the puppies - they are getting bigger every day - and hung out for a while.

Even though it was colder than shit and windy, David decided we should still do the festival. We went to Durham Western Heritage Museum, Joslyn Art Museum, and the Children's Museum. We spent the most time at Durham, and caught the trolley between each place. We were going to stop at the Police Department's Horse Barn, but David was worried about it being cold.

We ran a few errands ~ a little Christmas shopping and then let the dogs out before we picked his parents up for dinner. We fed the puppies again, and then made our way out west.

We got to Kobe and had to wait a little because my dad was running late. We had so much fun. We were celebrating David and his dad, Dave's, birthday (Dave's is the day before David's). They both got chocolate cheesecake for dessert, so they shared - super yummy (tasted like Cheesecake Factory).

We went back to his parents for cake and ice cream. I fed the puppies again - Desi isn't wanting to feed as much so we're having to bribe her and then supplement with formula.

David said he had one of the best birthday's. It was nice to give him an awesome day, and except for dinner and Christmas shopping, it cost us absolutely nothing!

Cycle 19

Obviously, with David's car accident, our chances of getting pregnant this month were pretty slim. But, I always have hope, you know?

Tomorrow is David's birthday; Graduation is Friday; Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. How perfect to surprise everybody and say we're pregnant?

Nope. My body had a different plan for me. AF showed up - no moodiness, no cramping, no acne, no low energy.... just up and showed up. I thought maybe, just maybe, this could actually be the month. Don't we fucking deserve it?

Oh, and all those things that I usually get? Yeah, they hit - every single one of them about 3:00 this afternoon. Seriously, I went to the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror. My face looked like Blackhead Mountain or something - but this morning I was fine!

David's birthday is still tomorrow, and we're going to make the best of it. I've shown him his surprise. We're going to the Holiday Light's Festival Family Festival! Even though he has lived in Council Bluffs all of his life, he has never been to Durham Heritage Museum or Joslyn Art Museum. We can get into BOTH for free, plus tons of other places tomorrow from 12-5! He is really excited, so at least I can give him that.

We are also going to pick out a new Christmas tree (artificial) and run a few other errands.

David's mom's dog is doing well with the puppies. I should post pictures - they are getting so big! The biggest one weights 2 lbs 1 oz and the smallest weighs 1 lb 8 oz. We couldn't believe it! It's my job to find homes for 3 of them, and the mom is starting to wean a little early. So, I'm trying to teach Jeanne (MIL) how to feed them so that I don't have to come over as much during the week. These puppies are awesome and SO FLIPPING CUTE. I would take them all home if I didn't already have the 6-pack and if they didn't shed.

Maybe tomorrow I'll post their pics.

Considering my husband is snoring on the couch, I think it's probably time for the monsters to go to bed and for us to be close behind. And the first cycle of 2009 WILL be my BFP.

Momentum

So, I went to weigh-in tonight. I wanted to see the new program and find out about everything new. First off, they are making everything computerized so it's one simple thing that you carry with you.

The Momentum program is basically the best aspects of Flex and Core. I think I'm going to like it because it really touches on the emotional eating more than the Flex plan did. It also wants you to really listen and see if you're hungry, and if so, choose the foods that will keep you satisfied for longer.

Oh, and the last time I weighed in, I had gained 2 lbs. But, AF was paying her much-hated unwanted visit and I hadn't been listening to my body very well. I posted a "loss" of 1.6 lbs, putting me at .4 above where I was about 5 weeks ago. I've lost - and kept off - 48.4 lbs for 11 months! Now that I have new motivation and time to focus on myself instead of school, I can pound out the last 13.6 lbs!

The one thing I didn't like about the new computerized system: it basically says that tonight was my starting weight. It does not take into account the last 11 months of hard work and hard lessons. So, I hand wrote my starting weight at the top of my weight tracker, and where it said "0.00 lost," I wrote in parenthesis 48.4 because that's important to me. I worked my ass off for that and I'm not going to forget it just because their system got updated.

The end is in sight! I can do this - even with Christmas coming up! Keep an eye out for WW-friendly cookie recipes and other baking that I modify to make it healthier and use more "filling foods!"

Car Shopping 101

Well, David and I obviously had to do something about a second vehicle. Thank God we purchased GAP insurance when we bought the Equinox. We will end up free and clear, only owing $250 for the deductible.

Yesterday, David went to a couple lots and was getting a little frustrated. The place we bought the other two cars had something that he liked. But, when I saw it that night, I realized how close his head was to the ceiling ~ in another accident, his neck would be broken!

We went to a dealership in west Omaha that night. The salesman did NOT listen to what we were wanting. He convinced ME that we needed a 2009 Ford Focus because of all the safety issues. But, he wasn't listening to David. David had some serious concerns about a payment that would have been $75 more than we wanted to spend ($25 more than our absolute max). So, we walked away and said we would come back tonight. After they called David FOUR times throughout the day, and continued to frustrate him, he decided to go somewhere else.

David called me at 3:50 and said, "I want to go to CarMax." He had been yesterday and talked to a salesman, Tony, today. He was really excited about a car he test drove yesterday and he saw a couple new ones online today.

When we walked in, David told Tony he wanted to look through the computer again ~ he set our budget limit as the search and we started going through. He set it just a little bit higher, but as soon as David said, "I've seen 3 possibilities in our price range. I don't want to go higher," he stopped. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. He also asked about a van ~ David's response was "we already have one van, and I'm not ready for a high-profile vehicle after the accident." Tony said "okay, so only 4 door cars? That narrows it down a little more."

Seriously - when they say no-haggle pricing, they mean it! They price their vehicles to get customers the best deal. Their warranty is one of the best we've seen, and they really listen to their customers.

We were worried about the loan because the Equinox hasn't been paid off yet - still waiting for Insurance to do their thing - but 4 lenders came back with offers. We took the offer with a slightly higher interest rate and longer loan BUT under our "like to be" budget and FAR under our "absolutely no more" budget. So, we can pay extra every month and pay it off sooner.

So, here is David's car (well, one like it until I can get a pic in the daylight!):
A 2005 Ford Taurus in gray. I will get a pic of our car as soon as I can. He loves it, it rides really smooth, and it is safe.

YAY! Now we have a payment we can manage much, much better and get back on our feet much quicker!

David is alive

This morning, I got a phone call at 6:30 from a number I didn't recognize. I was just waking up, so I ignored it. The same number called at 7:00, and I again ignored it. I thought it was a co-teacher needing something and she'd leave a message. I'm getting ready to get into the shower, and David calls. So I answer it and I hear, "Amanda, this is Andrew from Carson Rescue." Um, what???? "David is okay. He was in an accident on the way to work and rolled his van." Oh FUCK. "We're on our way to Mercy. Can you meet us there?" So, in the course of 10 minutes, I got dressed, called my principal, another teacher, and my para. I called my dad to tell him what happened and to have him let the dogs out.

So, here is what I found out once I got to the hospital:
The weather was CRAP this morning. David left early because he wasn't too sure how the roads were. He was driving the highway he drives every time to work, following a semi. They were going about 35, but the semi was throwing alot of crap at him, so he slowed down to about 25. About 5 minutes later, he realized he was sliding and his passenger side was going East instead of his front end. He tried to correct it and ended up rolling the car at least 3 times. He was conscious the entire time during the roll but lost count and was praying as hard as he could. He didn't hit anything or anybody, which was very lucky, and he had his seat belt on.

Someone saw the accident from the top of the hill, called 911, and stopped to stay and keep him calm until the squad got there. It took the squad 15-20 minutes because of the roads. Plus, then it took 20 minutes to get him out. They were going to rip the top off, but he was starting to get hypothermic, so they put the neck brace on and let him walk out the front windshield.

At the hospital, they did a CT and Xrays of his head, neck, shoulders and chest. Amazingly, everything checked out fine. He was given tons of pain meds and has soon as he could handle a couple crackers and apple juice, he was released.

We had to go to his car in Walnut, IA (where they towed it) to get all of his stuff out. Obviously, it's completely totaled and our insurance is being really great. We have a rental car for about a week and are going to have to get a new car. But, at least we can get something with a lower payment! (Not the way we wanted to do it, but hey, it's a happy point!).

David is feeling pretty good - really sore and tired. He was actually joking about the fact that he had an oil change scheduled, had just filled the car up with gas, and that he needed to get to work. Yeah, that's my work-a-holic husband!

So, here are some pictures of the car. The top rack had fallen off, and some other stuff, too, so they stuck it inside the car. That's some of what you're seeing in the pics. And the air bags didn't deploy because it wasn't a front end collision, so the inside actually looks halfway decent (once we got all of David's shit out!).






















So, the moral of this story: ALWAYS wear your seat belt, ALWAYS get GAP insurance when you get a new car, ALWAYS tell your loved ones you love them, and NEVER go to bed mad.

A personal milestone!

I think I realized something today - I think I'm scared to lose more weight. Yeah, I set the challenge to get down another size. But, since I made that challenge.. I haven't been to the gym (Wii is good, but not like an hour on the elliptical!), I've been eating crap, and I've made no effort to get to a WW meeting.

All my life, I have been heavy. I'm finally getting compliments from people outside of my family about how pretty I am. What if I get "too" skinny? What if I turn into someone who is so driven by their weight that they can't enjoy a piece of pie or a glass of wine? What if I'm starving my body to turn myself into something I'm not?

David makes sure everyday that I know he loves me for who I am, for what I do. Yeah, he loves my body. But guess what? He loved my body 49 lbs ago. Being smaller hasn't changed the way he feels about me. I have more energy, and he's getting there, so now we do more than sit on the couch and watch TV. We try to walk the dogs at least once a week (doesn't always happen), and now we play Wii every night!

This morning, I had no food in my house. So, I stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. I asked David to bring me lunch. He was in a hurry, too, so what did he pick up? A BIG MAC. My stomach is killing me now - and he feels really bad! But, you know what? I didn't have to eat it. I could have gotten a salad from the cafeteria (not good tasting, but healthier!). Or, I could have done SOMETHING to make a better choice. But, no. I ate that big mac and the french fries WITH ranch dressing without batting an eye.

I need to get back on track. I don't know what I'm scared of - or if that's even what I'm doing - but I'm sabbotaging myself. I can lose the last 15 lbs and be healthy for our children, my husband, and most importantly: myself. I need to stop worrying about what other people say ("You look hot the way you are!" "If you lose anymore, you are going to disappear." etc...) and do it for me.

So, my milestone is that I've figured out that I'm sabbotaging myself. And my new challenge to myself: to break through that and continue being healthy for myself. Gym and WW meeting: Here I come!