Is anybody out there??? I promise I've been reading everybody's blogs. Just nothing too exciting to write about. But now...
Yet again... I feel like I'm always posting this. The whole maintenance thing has yet to sink in. My weight is back up to 220. I've gained 30 lbs in a year, and I'm only 32 lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest.
David and I have done 2 rounds of IUI with our fertility specialist. She "thinks" he has enough sperm that we might get pregnant on our "own." If this doesn't work, we move to IVF.
Last week, when I tried to put my jeans on, they were so tight I couldn't get them buttoned. I texted David immediately and said, "If I'm not pregnant, I need to go back to Weight Watchers." Well, unless my body is just playing a trick on me, I am not pregnant.
I got a new phone today - the Mo.ment from Sam.sung. I download the app for SparkPeople and made myself an account. Right now, I don't have the money to go back to WW - we have trees that need cut down and another round of fertility payments coming up - or the time. So, Spark People is free, so I'm gonna try it! I have it on the first page - I can add every single thing I put in my mouth, track my water intake, my exercise... everything!
So, my goal is to lose the 30 lbs by December 1. Hopefully, I'll get pregnant before that goal happens, but I need an end date - a reachable, accountable goal. I WILL get healthy again. My goal is to get 10 minutes of cardio every day. Doesn't seem like much, does it? But, for me, at this point, that's alot. So, I'll get healthy.....
And I WILL get pregnant.
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Picture Frames
Warning: this may be a very depressing yet hopeful fertility-related post!
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A friend of mine let me borrow a book recently... I read it in 2 nights. It was amazing, sad, hopeful... everything!
The Empty Picture Frame by Jenna Currier Nadeau. She writes, with her husband's "contributions" about their struggle with infertility. Their "problem" was her. Not male infertility like David and I struggle with.. but I think any "infertile" has the same feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams, and nightmares. If you struggle with infertility, or know anybody who does, you need to read this book. NOW.
One thing I got out of this book... Journal. I'm going to start blogging more so that I can share with our babies -- however many we can be blessed with -- the struggles. And show them how loved they are before they've even implanted themselves into me!
So, tonight, I went to David's mom's house. They just moved back to town and she's so happy that she has her house set up. She's been telling me how she has the "family wall" and the "Day and Panda wall" (our nicknames) and the "Matt and Tina and kids wall". So, I knew there were going to be many pictures hanging up.. Big deal, right?
Matt is David's brother and he and his wife have been blessed with 3 beautiful children. They are all under 4 and none were exactly planned. When their oldest was less than a week old, they were both able to sleep through his cries. when he was 2 weeks old, she started propping his bottle at night so that she could sleep with fewer interruptions. His first ear infection... David's mom let the baby sleep in her room because "I can just tell they are exhausted." WTF? They are parents now! They need to raise their children -- not stay up until 3:00 in the morning, drinking, smoking, and partying. Their second child? The first child got to stay in mother in law's room permanently. Because heaven forbid she actually raise her kids. They are both addicted to the tv - at less than 4 yrs old, they can both sit through an entire 90 minute movie. And the movies they watch? Scary movies -- like movies that scare ME. Granted, I scare easily. But some of these movies scare David! The oldest can say "Cover your eyes Manna, this part is scary and the monsters are coming." Seriously???? The youngest is about to be 7 months old and JUST started rolling over. Why? Because she was never anywhere but her bouncy-seat or car seat. Again, propped bottles and TV babysitting. She doesn't need rocked to fall asleep -- she needs the TV on.
So, back to the picture frames... Their "wall" is right above the TV. So, of course, as I'm watching a show with everybody, I get to look at their faces -- their happy family pictures - tons of them. A family pic from when the first and second were born, and a couple pictures of the new baby (David's brother is in Iraq right now so no family pictures yet). But you know what I noticed? They were not smiling! The kids were laughing and obviously having a good time. But their parents? They looked miserable.
How can you be blessed with beautiful children and NOT be happy???? So, I got to stew about this for 2 hours before I finally gave up. I made an excuse to head home, and left... I'm bitter, I'm angry. Why can THEY have 3 children -- they got married while she was pregnant with their first -- and David and I don't have one? Neither has been able to hold a stable job until he joined the military. David's brother never graduated high school. His wife did and her "college" was one that you hear on the radio - "I completed my program in 9 short months and I am the happiest I've ever been!" Guess what? She couldn't handle it. She dropped out after her second class.
I have lots of picture frames around the house... On one wall, I have a couple wedding pictures hung. For Christmas, I made a collage of family pics that we had done back in September. In another spot, I have the picture that my mom gave us for Christmas a few years ago with our dogs and her 2. Oh, and in the kitchen I have a picture of a bottle of wine with a glass -- a memory from one of our wine weekends.
And in the closet, hiding... I have empty frames. Those frames will have pictures of babies -- our babies. But when? My heart breaks everytime David's mom mentions my sister in law or the kids. I want to cry. They need to be loved. They need to be cared for.
Now, for the happy part of the post! On Thursday, we meet with the RE! I've heard good things about Dr. O, and I'm very excited - but scared - to see what she has to say.
#1 - I want my progesterone checked. I just have this deep down gut feeling that mine is off. My luteal phase is short, and my mom's was low. Also, my grandma had multiple miscarriages -- back then, they didn't test things like this. But, with mom's history, chances are, grandma had low progesterone also.
#2 - We are going for an IUI in July. David's numbers aren't much better, so we are going with donor sperm. (And I only tell you, my followers, because only a handful of you know me in real life, and if you do, I trust you enough to keep our "secret") We can't afford the IVF w/ ICSI (sperm injection), so we're going to try this... and pray.
So, I'm scared, frustrated, sad, and hopeful... all at once. I'm not scared to be a mom or to be pregnant. I'm scared to GET pregnant, and I'm scared to STAY pregnant. I'm frustrated that people all around us get pregnant and didn't even WANT another baby. (I had one former student's pregnant mom say to me, "You jinxed me by asking when I'd have another one. Every time I look down, I think about you." I hope she was joking, but damn, that hurt!) I'm sad that David and I are going on Year 3 of trying to have a baby and still don't have one. But, I'm hopeful... I'm hopeful that this will all change. I'm hopeful that I will be a mom. And I'm hopeful that this appointment on Thursday will yield the answers that I NEED it to answer.
More to come on Thursday.... And if you got all the way through this, kudos to you!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Catching Up!
Last night a friend and I were talking. Before she signed off, she said "PS. Update your blog." So, Becca, you asked for it!
David and I have been in a whirlwind the last month. Things are going great! We had a slight breakdown and huge blow-out fight. We re-did our budget and we are doing really good. For the first time in AGES, we've actually had money in our account to last between paychecks.
Baby Making
We've also approached a new level of infertility. We know that IUI will not get us pregnant. Yeah, it would get the swimmers closer, but David's numbers are still low - there is "hope" that someday, they will get better. But what is someday? We are looking at IVF with ICSI - this means that the sperm is directly injected into the egg. But, this is extremely expensive.
Another option that has never really been an option but is kind of an option now -- donor sperm. David has always been very against this thought - it wouldn't be his child. I've never really thought of it as an option - it just seems cold to me. But, David told me that he is okay with the possibility. We want to have a baby, to be a family, and this may be our best option.
We have alot of thinking to do, and we meet with a fertility specialist later this month. We have alot of thinking to do. Plus, I talked to my mom and found out that my grandma had multiple miscarriages and so did she. They know her problem was progesterone - they didn't do testing back in the 40s when my grandma was having problems, but she could have had the same problem. So, we will probably be testing my progesterone levels....
Regardless of what we do, we can't do any procedures until September or October. We are going to use some of my flex spending to do the procedure, and that doesn't renew until then.
I really struggled over Mother's Day this weekend. I'm not sure why this year was so much harder than years past. And I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it was the numerous people saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me. When I say, Oh, I'm not a mom. They just look at me and smile. Maybe it was the newly pregnant friend who said, "You know, you and Dave got married before us. When are you gonna have a baby?" Maybe it was just PMS... Who knows.
Weight Loss
My weight journey has definitely been a roller coaster. I wanted to get back down to 190 before our anniversary. I don't think it's really going to happen - I've been doing alot of emotional eating lately. But, my new goal is to get down to 190 before my 10 year class reunion. That's June 26. I can do it!
I need to start over at the basics - writing food down, exercising, drinking water, getting the daily requirements of veggies, fruits, grains, etc... I can do it!!!! Keep me accountable.
So, that's pretty much my update... Lots of ups and ups - no real 'downs'. We're doing our best to stay ahead, and praying for our future. I promise to get better about blogging!
David and I have been in a whirlwind the last month. Things are going great! We had a slight breakdown and huge blow-out fight. We re-did our budget and we are doing really good. For the first time in AGES, we've actually had money in our account to last between paychecks.
Baby Making
We've also approached a new level of infertility. We know that IUI will not get us pregnant. Yeah, it would get the swimmers closer, but David's numbers are still low - there is "hope" that someday, they will get better. But what is someday? We are looking at IVF with ICSI - this means that the sperm is directly injected into the egg. But, this is extremely expensive.
Another option that has never really been an option but is kind of an option now -- donor sperm. David has always been very against this thought - it wouldn't be his child. I've never really thought of it as an option - it just seems cold to me. But, David told me that he is okay with the possibility. We want to have a baby, to be a family, and this may be our best option.
We have alot of thinking to do, and we meet with a fertility specialist later this month. We have alot of thinking to do. Plus, I talked to my mom and found out that my grandma had multiple miscarriages and so did she. They know her problem was progesterone - they didn't do testing back in the 40s when my grandma was having problems, but she could have had the same problem. So, we will probably be testing my progesterone levels....
Regardless of what we do, we can't do any procedures until September or October. We are going to use some of my flex spending to do the procedure, and that doesn't renew until then.
I really struggled over Mother's Day this weekend. I'm not sure why this year was so much harder than years past. And I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it was the numerous people saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me. When I say, Oh, I'm not a mom. They just look at me and smile. Maybe it was the newly pregnant friend who said, "You know, you and Dave got married before us. When are you gonna have a baby?" Maybe it was just PMS... Who knows.
Weight Loss
My weight journey has definitely been a roller coaster. I wanted to get back down to 190 before our anniversary. I don't think it's really going to happen - I've been doing alot of emotional eating lately. But, my new goal is to get down to 190 before my 10 year class reunion. That's June 26. I can do it!
I need to start over at the basics - writing food down, exercising, drinking water, getting the daily requirements of veggies, fruits, grains, etc... I can do it!!!! Keep me accountable.
So, that's pretty much my update... Lots of ups and ups - no real 'downs'. We're doing our best to stay ahead, and praying for our future. I promise to get better about blogging!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Valentine's Day has come and gone...
I can't believe it's been just about 6 weeks since my last post. Sorry! Things have been crazy around here lately, and I just realized I basically disappeared for 6 weeks. So, let's see if I can get you caught up...
The Knee...
It's there! After being released for light cardio, I got my resistance lowered all the way to a 7! And then PT told me to cut down my wear-time. So, I did. Well, then I did one thing too many (as I often do), and ended up back at Level 9, wearing it most of the day, and no workouts.
Now, we're back down to Level 8 and I'm only wearing it 1 1/2 hrs at a time. Also, I've cut out the middle of the day exercises and doing okay with that. I did Yoga one night and made it! Now that Valentine's Day is over (too many hours at the shop), I will be able to get back to the gym, do some more workouts, and see where I'm at.
I told my PT that I was scared to push myself at the gym, especially since the setback in January. He told me to push myself so that we can find the "setback point" while I'm still seeing him. So, it continues.....
Weight Loss
Well, it's not so there. I'm staying the same, which is good. But, I want to get down to at least 190 before the cruise. That means 1 month, people! 1 month to lose 8 lbs. I can do it!!! I just need to be more on myself about writing my food down. That is the biggest thing for me - write it down before I eat it. And write down the exercise too!!!
Baby-Making
I guess I don't know what to say about this. David's health has been an issue the last couple months, so of course we're not "trying." But, all these people around me are getting pregnant and it gets harder and harder for me to just grin and act happy. I want to feel what these women are feeling - I want to feel MY baby kicking and hiccuping inside me. I want to feel the mood swings (not like I don't already have those), the nausea, the shitty nights of sleep. I want my husband to lay his hand on my belly and feel OUR CHILD moving underneath.
I'm sick of people asking me when we'll have a baby. I'm tired of coworkers saying "So, how's the baby making going?" I'm sad when I find out friends are pregnant. Yeah, I think they deserve it, but when is it my time? When do I get to have a baby? When do I get to hold OUR miracle in my arms? To post totally random pictures of my child laughing, eating, playing with the puppies, sleeping, cuddling with daddy, sleeping on mommy's chest.... And when somebody asks? I try to be nice. I try to smile and say "In God's time." But God needs to hear me - HEAR ME - I need a baby. I want a baby. I deserve a baby.
God and I have had our chats. Well, at least I've chatted and I hope He has listened. Honestly, at this point I don't think He has. But, I've tried. I've opened my heart and prayed for this miracle. Now to take it into my OB's hands......
And I need to get David motivated. He needs to lose weight and get healthy. Once that happens, his numbers will "supposedly" get better. Then we can do an IUI. I'm hoping to do this before July so that we can use the money in the med spending plan we have at work.
I guess that's about it for an update. That pretty much covers the 3 biggest things in my life, right? I promise not to disappear for so long again. I have a few new recipes to show you all. Hopefully this week that can happen...
Until then... ta-ta for now!
The Knee...
It's there! After being released for light cardio, I got my resistance lowered all the way to a 7! And then PT told me to cut down my wear-time. So, I did. Well, then I did one thing too many (as I often do), and ended up back at Level 9, wearing it most of the day, and no workouts.
Now, we're back down to Level 8 and I'm only wearing it 1 1/2 hrs at a time. Also, I've cut out the middle of the day exercises and doing okay with that. I did Yoga one night and made it! Now that Valentine's Day is over (too many hours at the shop), I will be able to get back to the gym, do some more workouts, and see where I'm at.
I told my PT that I was scared to push myself at the gym, especially since the setback in January. He told me to push myself so that we can find the "setback point" while I'm still seeing him. So, it continues.....
Weight Loss
Well, it's not so there. I'm staying the same, which is good. But, I want to get down to at least 190 before the cruise. That means 1 month, people! 1 month to lose 8 lbs. I can do it!!! I just need to be more on myself about writing my food down. That is the biggest thing for me - write it down before I eat it. And write down the exercise too!!!
Baby-Making
I guess I don't know what to say about this. David's health has been an issue the last couple months, so of course we're not "trying." But, all these people around me are getting pregnant and it gets harder and harder for me to just grin and act happy. I want to feel what these women are feeling - I want to feel MY baby kicking and hiccuping inside me. I want to feel the mood swings (not like I don't already have those), the nausea, the shitty nights of sleep. I want my husband to lay his hand on my belly and feel OUR CHILD moving underneath.
I'm sick of people asking me when we'll have a baby. I'm tired of coworkers saying "So, how's the baby making going?" I'm sad when I find out friends are pregnant. Yeah, I think they deserve it, but when is it my time? When do I get to have a baby? When do I get to hold OUR miracle in my arms? To post totally random pictures of my child laughing, eating, playing with the puppies, sleeping, cuddling with daddy, sleeping on mommy's chest.... And when somebody asks? I try to be nice. I try to smile and say "In God's time." But God needs to hear me - HEAR ME - I need a baby. I want a baby. I deserve a baby.
God and I have had our chats. Well, at least I've chatted and I hope He has listened. Honestly, at this point I don't think He has. But, I've tried. I've opened my heart and prayed for this miracle. Now to take it into my OB's hands......
And I need to get David motivated. He needs to lose weight and get healthy. Once that happens, his numbers will "supposedly" get better. Then we can do an IUI. I'm hoping to do this before July so that we can use the money in the med spending plan we have at work.
I guess that's about it for an update. That pretty much covers the 3 biggest things in my life, right? I promise not to disappear for so long again. I have a few new recipes to show you all. Hopefully this week that can happen...
Until then... ta-ta for now!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Life's update
So, it's been a while, huh? Where to start? Things have been freaking crazy... a roller coaster.. and it seems like more downs than ups.
I'm having one of those moments right now, so this will be short, sweet, and to the point. Pics and more ramblings to come when I'm not PMSing.
* I got my knee brace. It's going to be a long process, but I have hope that it will work. I got it on Monday, and when it's on, it feels great! My Physical Therapist is happy with the "progress" I've made since Monday. He's also letting me wear it throughout the day, and then I'll take it off after I do my night exercises. Except for today, when I just pushed too hard, it's been great!
* David and I are going through a few things.. We decided to stop the foster care classes. Yeah, I'm sad, but our marriage and our sanity is more important to me. There must be a reason that it just wasn't right...
* No news in the baby-making field....
* Maintaining my weight loss is not going all that great. I'm a stress eater - always have been, and I always will be. I wish I could tell you that Weight Watchers taught me how to be perfect all the time. But, guess what? I'm not perfect. It's pointless to try to fool you - or myself - that I'm perfect and can do no wrong. Sunday is a new week, and I will be back on track. I'm going to go back into weight loss mode - I need to lose the 10 lbs I've gained through stress and not being able to work out. I'll get there. I know I can do it. And then it won't come back on until I'm pregnant.
I'm having one of those moments right now, so this will be short, sweet, and to the point. Pics and more ramblings to come when I'm not PMSing.
* I got my knee brace. It's going to be a long process, but I have hope that it will work. I got it on Monday, and when it's on, it feels great! My Physical Therapist is happy with the "progress" I've made since Monday. He's also letting me wear it throughout the day, and then I'll take it off after I do my night exercises. Except for today, when I just pushed too hard, it's been great!
* David and I are going through a few things.. We decided to stop the foster care classes. Yeah, I'm sad, but our marriage and our sanity is more important to me. There must be a reason that it just wasn't right...
* No news in the baby-making field....
* Maintaining my weight loss is not going all that great. I'm a stress eater - always have been, and I always will be. I wish I could tell you that Weight Watchers taught me how to be perfect all the time. But, guess what? I'm not perfect. It's pointless to try to fool you - or myself - that I'm perfect and can do no wrong. Sunday is a new week, and I will be back on track. I'm going to go back into weight loss mode - I need to lose the 10 lbs I've gained through stress and not being able to work out. I'll get there. I know I can do it. And then it won't come back on until I'm pregnant.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Weekly Update
Well, it's been another week! So much to talk about...
Infertility
We met with David's family doctor, who is also a licensed endocrinologist. The urologist had told us that we needed the help from the endo because David's estrogen was high. Well, Dr. M looks at it and says "No it's not! This guy is an idiot." Basically, his estrogen levels are slightly elevated because of his weight. Looking back from last year, his FSH and LH are in normal range, as is the "free" testosterone, which is a big improvement! So, the "treatment": Keep losing weight.
This is so frustrating to me. If you know me, or if you've been following my blog for longer than a week or two, you know how badly I want to be a mom. I want to make David a dad. We will be great parents. No, I'm not trying to be cocky about it, but after all of this... and we have it in our hearts. We WILL have a baby. We WILL be awesome parents. Our children will be spoiled, but not so spoiled that you can't stand them!
So, David is going to keep taking all of his vitamins and keep losing weight... He's going to redo the sperm analysis in October (3 1/2 months from now), and see what happens. If his numbers improve, then we can do an IUI in October or November.
Wine
Yep. More wine! David and I came down to Kansas City for mom's 61st birthday. We met some friends of mine from high school for dinner on Tuesday night, which was really nice. On Wednesday, we went to weigh in (more on that shortly...), hit lunch at California Pizza Kitchen on the suggestion of the WW leader, and then went and explored a few wineries!
David lived in KC for 5 years before we met. He worked for the 911 service down here, so he knows the area fairly well. He surprised me by taking me to Stonehaus Farms Winery. Out of all of the wines we've tried, these were seriously some of THE BEST we have ever had. He let us taste his latest vintage of the Traminette and it was to DIE FOR. I can't wait for it to be on the market in a few weeks!
Then, we drove to Knob Noster, MO and visited 2 wineries right next door to each other. Bristle Ridge and Montserrat were both excellent wineries as well!
We ended up with 6 bottles of wine, one of which was opened for Mom's birthday dinner, and we will DEFINITELY be going back to visit all 3 again!
5K Training
We are getting closer and closer! Check out that tracker on the side - August 15 is going to be here before we know it!
This week was better training wise. I'm still dealing with a major lack of energy, but David has been able to push me a little to get off my butt and go run. We went to the gym one morning and I was able to jog for 26 minutes straight. I walked for a few minutes and then jogged the last 5 before my cool down.
So, I figured... If I can do 26 min on the treadmill, I should be able to do 20 outside on the trail. So, I started with my 1/2 mile (7 minute) warmup through the neighborhood. Then, I started jogging. I kept going... and going... and going... and going! When I got to my turn around spot, I had made it 19 minutes and 40 seconds! I had been fighting a pretty good side pain for a few minutes, so I started walking a few seconds early. I walked for 3 minutes and 20 seconds and then started jogging again. I ended up jogging a little over 15 minutes before I hit the neighborhood again, which ends up being right about 3.1 miles! It ended up being 42 minutes to complete the 5K, and I only had to walk 3 minutes of it! Next week, I'm going to go 25 minutes before I stop to walk, and I'll try to cut it down to a 2 minute walk before starting up again.
Someone asked me how quickly I want to finish the 5K. My goal? To finish it! I really want to run the whole thing, and right now, I know that that's doable. I'm just praying that it won't be extremely hot or humid that morning. It starts at 8:00, so it *shouldn't* be too bad yet.
Weekly Weigh In
Granted, I weighed in first thing in the morning, without eating breakfast... But, I showed a .2 lb gain. I know that, if I had been at home, weighing in at my normal time, I would be up at least 1 lb. It was just one of those weeks... And I'm okay with that! That's what Lifetime is about, right? Making it work for me.
The leader, Ann, at this particular meeting was wonderful! I love Leah, our leader at home, and now I know when we visit Mom, we have to come see Ann! The best part? She has a blog: The Hungry Poodle. I added it to my list of blogs to follow, but feel free to check her out. She just posted a recipe for fish tacos that sounds AWESOME! She was very motivating in the meeting, and I'm excited to start reading her blog regularly!
The Challenge!
As a recap... The first week, we aimed for 3 different colors each day. The second week (last week), we filled half of our plate with vegetables or fruit....
And this week.....
Try at least one new fruit or vegetable every day.
David and I eat so many veggies and fruits already. We buy a big variety of things, although we have our favorites. So, if we can't find totally new things to try, we think if we do fruits or veggies that aren't "normal," we could count that. Right? David has only had rhubarb in pies, so I think that's going to be in one meal at some point this week.. And we may explore with squash, something we've both had in the past, but never prepared in a HEALTHY way!
So, how did you do this week with filling your plate up? And... What new fruit or vegetable are you going to try? Give me some ideas or suggestions!
Infertility
We met with David's family doctor, who is also a licensed endocrinologist. The urologist had told us that we needed the help from the endo because David's estrogen was high. Well, Dr. M looks at it and says "No it's not! This guy is an idiot." Basically, his estrogen levels are slightly elevated because of his weight. Looking back from last year, his FSH and LH are in normal range, as is the "free" testosterone, which is a big improvement! So, the "treatment": Keep losing weight.
This is so frustrating to me. If you know me, or if you've been following my blog for longer than a week or two, you know how badly I want to be a mom. I want to make David a dad. We will be great parents. No, I'm not trying to be cocky about it, but after all of this... and we have it in our hearts. We WILL have a baby. We WILL be awesome parents. Our children will be spoiled, but not so spoiled that you can't stand them!
So, David is going to keep taking all of his vitamins and keep losing weight... He's going to redo the sperm analysis in October (3 1/2 months from now), and see what happens. If his numbers improve, then we can do an IUI in October or November.
Wine
Yep. More wine! David and I came down to Kansas City for mom's 61st birthday. We met some friends of mine from high school for dinner on Tuesday night, which was really nice. On Wednesday, we went to weigh in (more on that shortly...), hit lunch at California Pizza Kitchen on the suggestion of the WW leader, and then went and explored a few wineries!
David lived in KC for 5 years before we met. He worked for the 911 service down here, so he knows the area fairly well. He surprised me by taking me to Stonehaus Farms Winery. Out of all of the wines we've tried, these were seriously some of THE BEST we have ever had. He let us taste his latest vintage of the Traminette and it was to DIE FOR. I can't wait for it to be on the market in a few weeks!
Then, we drove to Knob Noster, MO and visited 2 wineries right next door to each other. Bristle Ridge and Montserrat were both excellent wineries as well!
We ended up with 6 bottles of wine, one of which was opened for Mom's birthday dinner, and we will DEFINITELY be going back to visit all 3 again!
5K Training
We are getting closer and closer! Check out that tracker on the side - August 15 is going to be here before we know it!
This week was better training wise. I'm still dealing with a major lack of energy, but David has been able to push me a little to get off my butt and go run. We went to the gym one morning and I was able to jog for 26 minutes straight. I walked for a few minutes and then jogged the last 5 before my cool down.
So, I figured... If I can do 26 min on the treadmill, I should be able to do 20 outside on the trail. So, I started with my 1/2 mile (7 minute) warmup through the neighborhood. Then, I started jogging. I kept going... and going... and going... and going! When I got to my turn around spot, I had made it 19 minutes and 40 seconds! I had been fighting a pretty good side pain for a few minutes, so I started walking a few seconds early. I walked for 3 minutes and 20 seconds and then started jogging again. I ended up jogging a little over 15 minutes before I hit the neighborhood again, which ends up being right about 3.1 miles! It ended up being 42 minutes to complete the 5K, and I only had to walk 3 minutes of it! Next week, I'm going to go 25 minutes before I stop to walk, and I'll try to cut it down to a 2 minute walk before starting up again.
Someone asked me how quickly I want to finish the 5K. My goal? To finish it! I really want to run the whole thing, and right now, I know that that's doable. I'm just praying that it won't be extremely hot or humid that morning. It starts at 8:00, so it *shouldn't* be too bad yet.
Weekly Weigh In
Granted, I weighed in first thing in the morning, without eating breakfast... But, I showed a .2 lb gain. I know that, if I had been at home, weighing in at my normal time, I would be up at least 1 lb. It was just one of those weeks... And I'm okay with that! That's what Lifetime is about, right? Making it work for me.
The leader, Ann, at this particular meeting was wonderful! I love Leah, our leader at home, and now I know when we visit Mom, we have to come see Ann! The best part? She has a blog: The Hungry Poodle. I added it to my list of blogs to follow, but feel free to check her out. She just posted a recipe for fish tacos that sounds AWESOME! She was very motivating in the meeting, and I'm excited to start reading her blog regularly!
The Challenge!
As a recap... The first week, we aimed for 3 different colors each day. The second week (last week), we filled half of our plate with vegetables or fruit....
And this week.....
Try at least one new fruit or vegetable every day.
David and I eat so many veggies and fruits already. We buy a big variety of things, although we have our favorites. So, if we can't find totally new things to try, we think if we do fruits or veggies that aren't "normal," we could count that. Right? David has only had rhubarb in pies, so I think that's going to be in one meal at some point this week.. And we may explore with squash, something we've both had in the past, but never prepared in a HEALTHY way!
So, how did you do this week with filling your plate up? And... What new fruit or vegetable are you going to try? Give me some ideas or suggestions!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Part 2 - Challenge
Tonight was Weigh In, so I got the 2nd part of the challenge... But, first, you have to read my ramblings! Enjoy!
Life
David's mom was in the hospital this week. Monday morning, she woke up and her heart was racing. And by racing, I mean OVER 200 beats! When the medics got there, they had trouble finding her blood pressure. They got her heart rate calmed back down, but then she started "throwing" weird rhythms. Even the ER doctor didn't know WHAT the rhythm was. So, she spent Monday, Tuesday, and today in the hospital. She had a heart cath done yesterday, which showed "normal functioning" with the same blockages she had 5 years ago - way down deep in the branches. It's safer to just leave them alone than to try to break it up. But, the overall health of her heart isn't that great.
She came home today, and boy was she ready! She's still very tired, and since nobody in her house will help her... I get the job while David is working. I took them to dinner tonight and will cook dinner tomorrow night. She should be okay lunch wise - she has a few left overs from last night and frozen pizza she can heat up if she needs to.
I had some blood work done this week because I've had no energy. I haven't even WANTED to exercise, which is unusual for me. I can usually be a little tired but still want to work out, and then have energy afterwards! The last couple weeks - nope! David has had to DRAG my butt to the gym to do even 1/2 of my normal workout. All my blood work came back normal, so my doctor wants to do a sleep study. I'm waiting for them to call and set it up.
Fertility
We got some news this week. I'm scared. David's labs came back. Basically, his testosterone and estrogen levels are reversed - he has very low testosterone and very high estrogen. His semen analysis was also not good. Good volume but low count. Also, it says that he had 0% motility, which is worse than it was last year. And, the count was so low that they could not tell how the morphology was, but we know that's off from last year's analysis.
So, he called his new urologist, the one that we had so much hope in, and he said that he can't help David at this point. Right now, his physiological needs are more important than the fertility needs. The levels of estrogen in his body are DANGEROUS for him, as is the testosterone. It may even explain some of his struggles to lose weight in the past. So, he said David need to see an Endocronologist.....
His family doctor is also a licensed Endocronologist. So, we have an appointment to see him on Tuesday. The Urologist recommended a specific drug (I can't remember the name of it) that is used in women to treat breast cancer. Basically, it should lower the estrogen, which will then raise the testosterone. We don't want David to be on an actual testosterone supplement because that will hurt the sperm that ARE there!
We'll know more on Tuesday, but we are both scared. We know that adoption is a definite option for us. We will not do donor sperm (our own personal reasons), but adoption is there... But, why do things have to be so difficult?? I'm trying not to be angry, to not blame people who aren't to blame, to still be happy for friends who are pregnant, for friends/family who have children... But, you know what? Sometimes, I just can't be! Every time we turn around, we are getting more bad news with every doctor, every month that goes by.... When will OUR miracle be here?????
Weight Loss
Onto a happier subject.... Tonight was weigh in! I lost 3.8 lbs this week! I am down to 183.4! I can't believe it!!!! I'm a stress eater, and hospital food is not exactly healthy. Yes, the salad bar is, but the pecan roll or the slice of sausage/mushroom pizza I had yesterday WERE NOT so healthy. As a running total... I am down 68.8 lbs! I keep thinking: If I carried all of my dogs all at once, I would be carrying the body weight that I had 18 months ago!
David was up a little. He realized something this week: How important tracking is. His phone died a few days ago, and that's how he tracks what he eats. He hasn't had it for a week, so hasn't tracked his points. He's not a "writer," so he was keeping points mentally. Well, mental points + your mom in the hospital + your wife being crazy psycho for a few days + overal, general stress = a gain. He got his phone back yesterday, so things will be better next week!
This Week's Challenge
Last week's veggie & fruit challenge was to get 3 different colors each day. How did you do?? Writing down, I realize I stick to "comfortable" colors, or maybe just "comfortable" fruits/veggies. But, I did throw some different colors in throughout the week.
So, this week, we are building on that... Get 3 different colors a day (or even shoot for each meal!) AND fill half of our plate with fruits and veggies EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Not just once a day, or once this week - but every meal. Can you do it??? We talked about the proportions of a plate - 1/4 should be your protein; 1/4 grains; 1/2 veggies/fruits. This is how it should ALWAYS be. Not just for our challenge. But, that is what Weight Watchers is doing - teaching us to incorporate more fruits and veggies into our lives!
I went to farmer's market today and picked up tons of veggies and it only cost me $19! I got corn, green beans, blueberries, new potatoes, yellow and green zucchini, and cucumbers. Yummy! Tomorrow I'm going to try a Green Monster smoothie for breakfast. I'm using peanut butter for protein (and an oil!) and a banana for my fruit. I figured out it will be 6 points if I drink the entire thing. BUT it should keep me satisfied for most - if not all - of the morning!
Well... I guess that's about it for my update. I know.. lots of random stuff but things that I needed to get off of my chest. Thanks for listening. Let me know how you are doing with the fruits & veggies challenge!
Life
David's mom was in the hospital this week. Monday morning, she woke up and her heart was racing. And by racing, I mean OVER 200 beats! When the medics got there, they had trouble finding her blood pressure. They got her heart rate calmed back down, but then she started "throwing" weird rhythms. Even the ER doctor didn't know WHAT the rhythm was. So, she spent Monday, Tuesday, and today in the hospital. She had a heart cath done yesterday, which showed "normal functioning" with the same blockages she had 5 years ago - way down deep in the branches. It's safer to just leave them alone than to try to break it up. But, the overall health of her heart isn't that great.
She came home today, and boy was she ready! She's still very tired, and since nobody in her house will help her... I get the job while David is working. I took them to dinner tonight and will cook dinner tomorrow night. She should be okay lunch wise - she has a few left overs from last night and frozen pizza she can heat up if she needs to.
I had some blood work done this week because I've had no energy. I haven't even WANTED to exercise, which is unusual for me. I can usually be a little tired but still want to work out, and then have energy afterwards! The last couple weeks - nope! David has had to DRAG my butt to the gym to do even 1/2 of my normal workout. All my blood work came back normal, so my doctor wants to do a sleep study. I'm waiting for them to call and set it up.
Fertility
We got some news this week. I'm scared. David's labs came back. Basically, his testosterone and estrogen levels are reversed - he has very low testosterone and very high estrogen. His semen analysis was also not good. Good volume but low count. Also, it says that he had 0% motility, which is worse than it was last year. And, the count was so low that they could not tell how the morphology was, but we know that's off from last year's analysis.
So, he called his new urologist, the one that we had so much hope in, and he said that he can't help David at this point. Right now, his physiological needs are more important than the fertility needs. The levels of estrogen in his body are DANGEROUS for him, as is the testosterone. It may even explain some of his struggles to lose weight in the past. So, he said David need to see an Endocronologist.....
His family doctor is also a licensed Endocronologist. So, we have an appointment to see him on Tuesday. The Urologist recommended a specific drug (I can't remember the name of it) that is used in women to treat breast cancer. Basically, it should lower the estrogen, which will then raise the testosterone. We don't want David to be on an actual testosterone supplement because that will hurt the sperm that ARE there!
We'll know more on Tuesday, but we are both scared. We know that adoption is a definite option for us. We will not do donor sperm (our own personal reasons), but adoption is there... But, why do things have to be so difficult?? I'm trying not to be angry, to not blame people who aren't to blame, to still be happy for friends who are pregnant, for friends/family who have children... But, you know what? Sometimes, I just can't be! Every time we turn around, we are getting more bad news with every doctor, every month that goes by.... When will OUR miracle be here?????
Weight Loss
Onto a happier subject.... Tonight was weigh in! I lost 3.8 lbs this week! I am down to 183.4! I can't believe it!!!! I'm a stress eater, and hospital food is not exactly healthy. Yes, the salad bar is, but the pecan roll or the slice of sausage/mushroom pizza I had yesterday WERE NOT so healthy. As a running total... I am down 68.8 lbs! I keep thinking: If I carried all of my dogs all at once, I would be carrying the body weight that I had 18 months ago!
David was up a little. He realized something this week: How important tracking is. His phone died a few days ago, and that's how he tracks what he eats. He hasn't had it for a week, so hasn't tracked his points. He's not a "writer," so he was keeping points mentally. Well, mental points + your mom in the hospital + your wife being crazy psycho for a few days + overal, general stress = a gain. He got his phone back yesterday, so things will be better next week!
This Week's Challenge
Last week's veggie & fruit challenge was to get 3 different colors each day. How did you do?? Writing down, I realize I stick to "comfortable" colors, or maybe just "comfortable" fruits/veggies. But, I did throw some different colors in throughout the week.
So, this week, we are building on that... Get 3 different colors a day (or even shoot for each meal!) AND fill half of our plate with fruits and veggies EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Not just once a day, or once this week - but every meal. Can you do it??? We talked about the proportions of a plate - 1/4 should be your protein; 1/4 grains; 1/2 veggies/fruits. This is how it should ALWAYS be. Not just for our challenge. But, that is what Weight Watchers is doing - teaching us to incorporate more fruits and veggies into our lives!
I went to farmer's market today and picked up tons of veggies and it only cost me $19! I got corn, green beans, blueberries, new potatoes, yellow and green zucchini, and cucumbers. Yummy! Tomorrow I'm going to try a Green Monster smoothie for breakfast. I'm using peanut butter for protein (and an oil!) and a banana for my fruit. I figured out it will be 6 points if I drink the entire thing. BUT it should keep me satisfied for most - if not all - of the morning!
Well... I guess that's about it for my update. I know.. lots of random stuff but things that I needed to get off of my chest. Thanks for listening. Let me know how you are doing with the fruits & veggies challenge!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Weekend Recap and Randomness
4th of July Weekend! Can you believe we're already into July?? I report back to work on August 11 - EEK!!
Anyways... The weekend recap...
Friday - I worked at the flower shop. We thought we'd get out early, but Pam had a late bridal appointment. She let the 2 designer's go home and had me stay. We were going to leave at 4:00, after the appointment. All of a sudden we got BUSY! WTF?? So, we were there until 5:00.
I babysat for one of our "old" designer's - she just recently "retired" so that she can have days with her boyfriend and his daughter. Sharon is such a sweet girl. David's parents wanted to take us to dinner, so she got to go with us. It was amazing to watch David with her. He is such a natural - encouraged her to eat, stay in her chair, etc.. She's pretty shy, and by the end of the night she was talking to him and laughing with him.
Saturday, we went down to my mom's. She belongs to a LARGE church. I've been here before, but I seriously feel like I'm in a high school gymnasium or college lecture hall - not a church. The band is really loud, and for a while, I felt like I was at a freaking concert! It didn't feel like a church to me. But, whatever...
Mom took us to Mexican afterwards. I was a little upset about this because David's stomach is still iffy - some things bother him, and others don't. We tried to look at the menu before leaving for church and she got upset. "We need to go! What are you doing? I told you there are healthy options here." Okay, but I want to see them. I want to know what I'm going to have. I want to prepare - one of the big Weight Watcher principles!
I think I did pretty well. We did get cheese dip, but I didn't eat too many. I had 2 shrimp tacos, about 1/2 the black beans that was served, and maybe 1/4 of the rice. I was full! When we got back, David and I decided we wanted to go for a walk. Mom has a nature trail that runs behind her house. Again, she got annoyed because we wanted to go run - she wanted to go for a nice, leisurely walk. It was my day to run anyways, so we just told her we're going.
I took David's pace because I was in unfamiliar territory and we had an awesome time! I am so proud of him - he is working so hard to make up for lost time from his surgery. He's still planning on doing the 5K in August, and is working so hard for it! We watched fireworks for a little bit and then headed to bed.
Sunday, we had to go to a family reunion. I wasn't too excited about the reunion, but Mom really wanted us to come down and David thought it would be fun to meet family. Well, there were 5 younger mom's there. It was really tough. Then, mom started ooh-ing and ahh-ing over my cousin who had the first biological grandchild 7 months ago. She talked more about the California relatives than she did my sister or I. I don't think I heard her say my niece, Emma's, name once. She talked about David and I like we weren't in the room, and when people tried to talk to us, she jumped in and interrupted.
David has a new mission: to get me knocked up! He's taking tons of vitamins to try to bring all the numbers up. He's having some blood work done as a baseline... He needs to talk to the urologist to see if he can take Clomid with the vitamins he's taking. We're hoping to do an IUI in October. I'm also going to see my OB next week for my yearly (whoopee!) and discuss a few things. I'm wondering if my progesterone levels are low, so I'm going to see about getting that tested.
I'm setting up a new workout plan to make sure I meet my goals this month. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are my running day. I'll either go on the trail, the track, or the gym depending on how hot it is (and what time of day I'm going). Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday I'm going to do toning or strength training. I'll be doing videos at home or going the gym for circuit/ab work... Saturdays are my day off because I'm always exhausted after the shop!
If you've read through this, kudos to you! I know it's probably long, but you know me and my rambling! I hope you all have a wonderful week! I'm working at the shop a few days and still working on deep cleaning the house!
Anyways... The weekend recap...
Friday - I worked at the flower shop. We thought we'd get out early, but Pam had a late bridal appointment. She let the 2 designer's go home and had me stay. We were going to leave at 4:00, after the appointment. All of a sudden we got BUSY! WTF?? So, we were there until 5:00.
I babysat for one of our "old" designer's - she just recently "retired" so that she can have days with her boyfriend and his daughter. Sharon is such a sweet girl. David's parents wanted to take us to dinner, so she got to go with us. It was amazing to watch David with her. He is such a natural - encouraged her to eat, stay in her chair, etc.. She's pretty shy, and by the end of the night she was talking to him and laughing with him.
Saturday, we went down to my mom's. She belongs to a LARGE church. I've been here before, but I seriously feel like I'm in a high school gymnasium or college lecture hall - not a church. The band is really loud, and for a while, I felt like I was at a freaking concert! It didn't feel like a church to me. But, whatever...
Mom took us to Mexican afterwards. I was a little upset about this because David's stomach is still iffy - some things bother him, and others don't. We tried to look at the menu before leaving for church and she got upset. "We need to go! What are you doing? I told you there are healthy options here." Okay, but I want to see them. I want to know what I'm going to have. I want to prepare - one of the big Weight Watcher principles!
I think I did pretty well. We did get cheese dip, but I didn't eat too many. I had 2 shrimp tacos, about 1/2 the black beans that was served, and maybe 1/4 of the rice. I was full! When we got back, David and I decided we wanted to go for a walk. Mom has a nature trail that runs behind her house. Again, she got annoyed because we wanted to go run - she wanted to go for a nice, leisurely walk. It was my day to run anyways, so we just told her we're going.
I took David's pace because I was in unfamiliar territory and we had an awesome time! I am so proud of him - he is working so hard to make up for lost time from his surgery. He's still planning on doing the 5K in August, and is working so hard for it! We watched fireworks for a little bit and then headed to bed.
Sunday, we had to go to a family reunion. I wasn't too excited about the reunion, but Mom really wanted us to come down and David thought it would be fun to meet family. Well, there were 5 younger mom's there. It was really tough. Then, mom started ooh-ing and ahh-ing over my cousin who had the first biological grandchild 7 months ago. She talked more about the California relatives than she did my sister or I. I don't think I heard her say my niece, Emma's, name once. She talked about David and I like we weren't in the room, and when people tried to talk to us, she jumped in and interrupted.
David has a new mission: to get me knocked up! He's taking tons of vitamins to try to bring all the numbers up. He's having some blood work done as a baseline... He needs to talk to the urologist to see if he can take Clomid with the vitamins he's taking. We're hoping to do an IUI in October. I'm also going to see my OB next week for my yearly (whoopee!) and discuss a few things. I'm wondering if my progesterone levels are low, so I'm going to see about getting that tested.
I'm setting up a new workout plan to make sure I meet my goals this month. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are my running day. I'll either go on the trail, the track, or the gym depending on how hot it is (and what time of day I'm going). Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday I'm going to do toning or strength training. I'll be doing videos at home or going the gym for circuit/ab work... Saturdays are my day off because I'm always exhausted after the shop!
If you've read through this, kudos to you! I know it's probably long, but you know me and my rambling! I hope you all have a wonderful week! I'm working at the shop a few days and still working on deep cleaning the house!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Famous quotes that have touched my life this week
A picture is worth a thousand words.
And for once, I believe "they" are right:
This skirt is obviously too big for me, right? Well, guess what - I used to WEAR this skirt on a regular basis. In fact, I wore it on my first date with David, and when we had pictures taken on our first anniversary. It was a size 22W. David argued with me about whether or not I had ever been that big. I said, "David, I have proof!" And I grabbed one of our anniversary pictures. He still can't believe it!
We are doing a garage sale in a few weeks, so my closet has been cleaned out. I went from a very full closet to 3 pairs of slacks (1 is too big, but not *super* big), and a handful of tops (again, some are a little big, but not tent-like). So, this garage sale is now being called Rebuild Amanda's Closet Sale! We're putting other stuff in, also, but David and I are both needing new clothes. I especially need them for work in the fall.
This is the outfit, including jean skirt, that I was able to wear Friday night:
This was a Size 12 jean skirt from Penny's that is dressy enough I can wear it at work if I want, or I can dress it down for date night. The top was a Calvin Klein medium from Burlington Coat Factory!
2 plus 2 doesn't always equal 4
The other morning, I started wondering if I should REALLY be teaching America's future leaders! I was on my morning run, and had decided to do things a little differently. Usually I would run 4 minutes, walk 1 1/2 minutes, and repeat the entire time. Well, by the end I'm dying! Praying that the stopwatch would just say the next number, right?
Well, Sunday morning, I decided to do intervals of running 3, 5, or 8 minutes and walking 2. I was able to complete 2 "circults" of this before getting home. As I'm doing my second 8 minutes - having a really tough time because it's starting to warm up and I've been out for 45 minutes at this point.... When I started running, I glanced at the stopwatch and it was at 41:00. So, I know I have to go until 49:00. 48:00 and I stop running. I started walking, recovering, and literally said to myself "Wait a minute. 41+8=49, not 48. DUH!" And picked it back up for the last minute. Oops! But, regardless, I had a great run! I'm going to the gym in the morning unless it's considerably cooler when I wake up. I'm hoping to run a straight mile, and then do intervals for the rest!
Are you eating because you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?
This is a quote that I hear relatively often with Weight Watchers. And yet, after 17 months and 66 lbs gone, I still have trouble with this. Last week, I gained 3.4 lbs. I'm still under goal, but it was really an eye opener. I guess I had hit a point where I didn't think that I ate for stress anymore. I knew I ate for boredom, but veggies could usually satisfy me. But with all the added stress from the last few weeks, I've realized that I am STILL an emotional eater. And I probably always will be. I need to work through this. I need to get up and exercise, walk the dogs, get online, drink some water, take a nap, do something in the garden... SOMETHING, ANYTHING, besides EATING!
I'm also re-identifying my trigger foods. My mother-in-law tries really hard to understand what Weight Watchers is about. But, now, she has taken it too far. Instead of saying "Well, that's not on your diet," it's "well you said you can eat anything you want!" Okay, you're right. But in moderation. And I don't eat trigger foods - chips and dip - because it leads to major binging! But, she doesn't get that, and then makes me feel guilty for not eating any. Then, my anxiety gets going because she's upset with me, and I'm dealing with all the family drama and other stuff, and....... I pop to jar of dip and the bag of chips and dig in. Now, I wasn't the only one to eat, but the jar was empty within 45 minutes. Oops!
It will happen when it happens
Seriously. If one more flipping person tells me that we will get pregnant "in God's time," I am going to SCREAM. And I'm going to rip them a new one. Then, they say "Well, you can't POSSIBLY want a pregnancy right now with everything that is going on????" Um, well, yeah, actually. I do. Thanks for being so thoughtful.
David's mom's neighbor is pregnant again. She has a 6 month old and lives off of disability and medicaid. Her husband works, but doesn't make much. They get so much aide it makes me sick. Why can SHE get pregnant, but David and I can't?
What upsets me is that people who know me well are "scared" to talk to me about fertility. They don't want to upset me. But, then, I found out in a difficult situation - they say "Did you hear I'm pregnant?" OH GREAT! (insert fake smile and walk away from situation) Now, don't get me wrong - babies are a blessing. And if you are in a stable relationship, making decent money, and able to raise your child on your own, I'm happy for you. Yeah, it makes me a little sad that it's not me. But, congratulations! Now, don't make me listen to every single little detail about it, please.
Well, I think that's it for the quotes... Hope you enjoyed the different style! There were just so many things that I wanted to talk about, so I thought this was the best way to do it!
And for once, I believe "they" are right:
This skirt is obviously too big for me, right? Well, guess what - I used to WEAR this skirt on a regular basis. In fact, I wore it on my first date with David, and when we had pictures taken on our first anniversary. It was a size 22W. David argued with me about whether or not I had ever been that big. I said, "David, I have proof!" And I grabbed one of our anniversary pictures. He still can't believe it!
We are doing a garage sale in a few weeks, so my closet has been cleaned out. I went from a very full closet to 3 pairs of slacks (1 is too big, but not *super* big), and a handful of tops (again, some are a little big, but not tent-like). So, this garage sale is now being called Rebuild Amanda's Closet Sale! We're putting other stuff in, also, but David and I are both needing new clothes. I especially need them for work in the fall.
This is the outfit, including jean skirt, that I was able to wear Friday night:
This was a Size 12 jean skirt from Penny's that is dressy enough I can wear it at work if I want, or I can dress it down for date night. The top was a Calvin Klein medium from Burlington Coat Factory!
2 plus 2 doesn't always equal 4
The other morning, I started wondering if I should REALLY be teaching America's future leaders! I was on my morning run, and had decided to do things a little differently. Usually I would run 4 minutes, walk 1 1/2 minutes, and repeat the entire time. Well, by the end I'm dying! Praying that the stopwatch would just say the next number, right?
Well, Sunday morning, I decided to do intervals of running 3, 5, or 8 minutes and walking 2. I was able to complete 2 "circults" of this before getting home. As I'm doing my second 8 minutes - having a really tough time because it's starting to warm up and I've been out for 45 minutes at this point.... When I started running, I glanced at the stopwatch and it was at 41:00. So, I know I have to go until 49:00. 48:00 and I stop running. I started walking, recovering, and literally said to myself "Wait a minute. 41+8=49, not 48. DUH!" And picked it back up for the last minute. Oops! But, regardless, I had a great run! I'm going to the gym in the morning unless it's considerably cooler when I wake up. I'm hoping to run a straight mile, and then do intervals for the rest!
Are you eating because you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?
This is a quote that I hear relatively often with Weight Watchers. And yet, after 17 months and 66 lbs gone, I still have trouble with this. Last week, I gained 3.4 lbs. I'm still under goal, but it was really an eye opener. I guess I had hit a point where I didn't think that I ate for stress anymore. I knew I ate for boredom, but veggies could usually satisfy me. But with all the added stress from the last few weeks, I've realized that I am STILL an emotional eater. And I probably always will be. I need to work through this. I need to get up and exercise, walk the dogs, get online, drink some water, take a nap, do something in the garden... SOMETHING, ANYTHING, besides EATING!
I'm also re-identifying my trigger foods. My mother-in-law tries really hard to understand what Weight Watchers is about. But, now, she has taken it too far. Instead of saying "Well, that's not on your diet," it's "well you said you can eat anything you want!" Okay, you're right. But in moderation. And I don't eat trigger foods - chips and dip - because it leads to major binging! But, she doesn't get that, and then makes me feel guilty for not eating any. Then, my anxiety gets going because she's upset with me, and I'm dealing with all the family drama and other stuff, and....... I pop to jar of dip and the bag of chips and dig in. Now, I wasn't the only one to eat, but the jar was empty within 45 minutes. Oops!
It will happen when it happens
Seriously. If one more flipping person tells me that we will get pregnant "in God's time," I am going to SCREAM. And I'm going to rip them a new one. Then, they say "Well, you can't POSSIBLY want a pregnancy right now with everything that is going on????" Um, well, yeah, actually. I do. Thanks for being so thoughtful.
David's mom's neighbor is pregnant again. She has a 6 month old and lives off of disability and medicaid. Her husband works, but doesn't make much. They get so much aide it makes me sick. Why can SHE get pregnant, but David and I can't?
What upsets me is that people who know me well are "scared" to talk to me about fertility. They don't want to upset me. But, then, I found out in a difficult situation - they say "Did you hear I'm pregnant?" OH GREAT! (insert fake smile and walk away from situation) Now, don't get me wrong - babies are a blessing. And if you are in a stable relationship, making decent money, and able to raise your child on your own, I'm happy for you. Yeah, it makes me a little sad that it's not me. But, congratulations! Now, don't make me listen to every single little detail about it, please.
Well, I think that's it for the quotes... Hope you enjoyed the different style! There were just so many things that I wanted to talk about, so I thought this was the best way to do it!
Monday, June 22, 2009
On the baby front...
In response to someone's post, I wanted to touch base on the baby making front. I haven't posted much about it lately because, honestly, there hasn't been much to post.
It kills me to say this, but we are still where we were 2 years ago. Not pregnant. David saw a new urologist last week and we are sending him all of David's results from everything over the last 2 years. He said that he will prescribe Clomid as soon as he gets the results. We are still hoping for an October IUI.
On my front... I need to call the insurance company. Because I hit my out of pocket max with my surgery in February, I want to see if a few tests would be covered. I ovulate late and have a short luteal phase - the time between ovulation and when my period starts. It should be 12-14 days, but mine is 8 days; 10 if I'm lucky. Dr. K says that when we do an IUI that I'll be on Clomid, and then my LP will probably "extend" itself. But, it could be a progesterone problem. And, that would be bad! I had blood work done last year and everything is good on that front - no clotting factors or anything else that could impact me getting pregnant.
But, while we're waiting..... David and I have made a big decision. We are starting the process to become foster parents. We've both had experiences with the system in the past - his nephew; one of my tutoring cases... We have a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house and there is absolutely no reason we can't share it with kids who need a home. We know that most cases will only be temporary. Iowa "prides" itself in reuniting families. Sometimes this is good; sometimes this is bad. But that's a whole other post for another day....... But, we have filled out all the paperwork. We are going to get fingerprinted tomorrow, and then we have an "informational orientation" tomorrow evening. The paperwork says that it can take 6-8 weeks to get everything back, but it can sometimes be quicker. If we are approved, then we will go through a 10-week training, and then we will be licensed foster care parents!
Yes, we are still going to keep trying to get pregnant. We have always talked about helping kids - fostering, adopting, anything we can do. It's just who we are - someday, we want to buy a huge acreage and have room for tons and tons of kids - biological and adopted! We are keeping an eye out on Craigs list and garage sales for furniture. We have a twin bed but we need a dresser. We'd like to find another twin bed so that if my mom comes to town, she has a place to sleep also!
Sometimes, I think that I'm giving up hope that we will ever have our own children. It's so hard for me to work in the area of town that I work in - these "parents" (and I use the term loosely) can look at a man and get pregnant. They don't even raise the children they have - they don't make the decisions that are best for their child. They bring them to school drunk or high, live off of the system, don't work, don't set rules for their children... and then they get pregnant again, and the cycle continues.....
I believe in God. I do. I believe that He knows what's best for us. And I know that we will have a baby when it is our time. It seems like everytime I turn around, somebody else is announcing their pregnancy. Babies are a blessing, but damn it, I want MY blessing. And then I feel guilty because I know I should blame God, or be mad at Him, for us not being pregnant. He knows the big picture - not me. And supposedly, He won't hand me more than I can handle. But, I've handled alot. And I'm ready to "handle" a baby. I'm ready to grow our family -- I would love for David's mom to meet our son or daughter. Not her first grand child, but her first by David. But I know that we need to get pregnant sooner than later for that to happen. And that pressure scares me. I may not always get along with the woman, but she loves us, and she will spoil our baby rotten!!!!
Anyways... enogh of the emotional shit. David is recovering nicely from surgery. On Thursday night, though, he started having problems breathing. We went to the ER on Friday evening, and they admitted him for a possible blood clot. Turns out, it wasn't a blood clot! He has Pluracy, which can lead to Pneumonia. The lower lobes in both of his lungs are kind of collapsing on themselves, making it difficult and painful to breath. He has an inhaler and is using something called an incentive spirometer - it makes him take really really deep breaths. He's also on stronger pain meds and is feeling better. His follow up appointment showed improvement, and his doctor thinks he should be okay to return to work after his surgeon appointment on the 30th.
My dad had a colonoscopy today. It's routine for him - in fact, I had one last year - our family history is so high that we have them regularly. Dr. S cleared Dad for 5 years!!! I was SO excited! It's usually 2-3 years; for a while it was every 6 months. So, here is me on my soap box: if you are older, or have a family history of colon cancer, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get routine colonoscopies! The prep sucks, but the procedure is super easy - in and out in 30 minutes. Colonoscopies save lives. My grandparents and my uncle all passed away from colon cancer. My uncle could have been treated if they had caught it soon enough. I think about him everyday, and wish he could have been at my wedding in person rather than in spirit.
I think that's it for ramblings. If you are the praying type - please say a prayer for us for the foster care "thing." We are very excited and hoping that we will be approved and can provide a loving home to many, many children. A pregnancy would be nice too - how about we take both! :-)
It kills me to say this, but we are still where we were 2 years ago. Not pregnant. David saw a new urologist last week and we are sending him all of David's results from everything over the last 2 years. He said that he will prescribe Clomid as soon as he gets the results. We are still hoping for an October IUI.
On my front... I need to call the insurance company. Because I hit my out of pocket max with my surgery in February, I want to see if a few tests would be covered. I ovulate late and have a short luteal phase - the time between ovulation and when my period starts. It should be 12-14 days, but mine is 8 days; 10 if I'm lucky. Dr. K says that when we do an IUI that I'll be on Clomid, and then my LP will probably "extend" itself. But, it could be a progesterone problem. And, that would be bad! I had blood work done last year and everything is good on that front - no clotting factors or anything else that could impact me getting pregnant.
But, while we're waiting..... David and I have made a big decision. We are starting the process to become foster parents. We've both had experiences with the system in the past - his nephew; one of my tutoring cases... We have a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house and there is absolutely no reason we can't share it with kids who need a home. We know that most cases will only be temporary. Iowa "prides" itself in reuniting families. Sometimes this is good; sometimes this is bad. But that's a whole other post for another day....... But, we have filled out all the paperwork. We are going to get fingerprinted tomorrow, and then we have an "informational orientation" tomorrow evening. The paperwork says that it can take 6-8 weeks to get everything back, but it can sometimes be quicker. If we are approved, then we will go through a 10-week training, and then we will be licensed foster care parents!
Yes, we are still going to keep trying to get pregnant. We have always talked about helping kids - fostering, adopting, anything we can do. It's just who we are - someday, we want to buy a huge acreage and have room for tons and tons of kids - biological and adopted! We are keeping an eye out on Craigs list and garage sales for furniture. We have a twin bed but we need a dresser. We'd like to find another twin bed so that if my mom comes to town, she has a place to sleep also!
Sometimes, I think that I'm giving up hope that we will ever have our own children. It's so hard for me to work in the area of town that I work in - these "parents" (and I use the term loosely) can look at a man and get pregnant. They don't even raise the children they have - they don't make the decisions that are best for their child. They bring them to school drunk or high, live off of the system, don't work, don't set rules for their children... and then they get pregnant again, and the cycle continues.....
I believe in God. I do. I believe that He knows what's best for us. And I know that we will have a baby when it is our time. It seems like everytime I turn around, somebody else is announcing their pregnancy. Babies are a blessing, but damn it, I want MY blessing. And then I feel guilty because I know I should blame God, or be mad at Him, for us not being pregnant. He knows the big picture - not me. And supposedly, He won't hand me more than I can handle. But, I've handled alot. And I'm ready to "handle" a baby. I'm ready to grow our family -- I would love for David's mom to meet our son or daughter. Not her first grand child, but her first by David. But I know that we need to get pregnant sooner than later for that to happen. And that pressure scares me. I may not always get along with the woman, but she loves us, and she will spoil our baby rotten!!!!
Anyways... enogh of the emotional shit. David is recovering nicely from surgery. On Thursday night, though, he started having problems breathing. We went to the ER on Friday evening, and they admitted him for a possible blood clot. Turns out, it wasn't a blood clot! He has Pluracy, which can lead to Pneumonia. The lower lobes in both of his lungs are kind of collapsing on themselves, making it difficult and painful to breath. He has an inhaler and is using something called an incentive spirometer - it makes him take really really deep breaths. He's also on stronger pain meds and is feeling better. His follow up appointment showed improvement, and his doctor thinks he should be okay to return to work after his surgeon appointment on the 30th.
My dad had a colonoscopy today. It's routine for him - in fact, I had one last year - our family history is so high that we have them regularly. Dr. S cleared Dad for 5 years!!! I was SO excited! It's usually 2-3 years; for a while it was every 6 months. So, here is me on my soap box: if you are older, or have a family history of colon cancer, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get routine colonoscopies! The prep sucks, but the procedure is super easy - in and out in 30 minutes. Colonoscopies save lives. My grandparents and my uncle all passed away from colon cancer. My uncle could have been treated if they had caught it soon enough. I think about him everyday, and wish he could have been at my wedding in person rather than in spirit.
I think that's it for ramblings. If you are the praying type - please say a prayer for us for the foster care "thing." We are very excited and hoping that we will be approved and can provide a loving home to many, many children. A pregnancy would be nice too - how about we take both! :-)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monthly Vent Time
Well, it seems like about once a month, I need to get it all out.... I've had some stuff building up the last week or so, and today was the straw that broke the camel's back. Good luck keeping up.
I found out this week that 2 of my friends are pregnant. I am excited for both of them. But, I'm sad at the same time. I'm mad at myself for thinking "It's not fair" - even for that split second that I thought it - I feel guilty for it. Both of these women have been trying for 6 months. They both deserve their babies. But, damn it, I want a baby, too! Another friend of mine who is having problems getting pregnant is having the same issue - everybody around her is getting pregnant. David is meeting with a new urologist sometime soon, getting back on the Clomid, and then we'll try an IUI. We're both getting back to our vitamins. Hopefully in 4-5 months I'll be announcing a baby!
But it's hard. I want to be pregnant now. It's not fair. June is our 2nd anniversary, August is our 2nd trying to conceive anniversary. As a teacher, I see good parents and not-so-good parents. Why can these women sleep with 4-5 different guys and get pregnant everytime they get into bed? And why can they keep popping out kids and getting free aide? David and I will be good, loving parents who have common sense and understand what routine, and talking, and loving, and not getting high/drunk with our kids in the next room... Everytime I see a pregnant woman, I wonder "What did God see in you that he doesn't see in me?"
We had weigh-in tonight. David did great! He lost 6 lbs! I gained 2. I know that this past week was tough - Easter, 1 winery and 2 tasting rooms, plus 1/2 a bottle of wine the other night. But, I've been going to the gym and watching what I eat. I think maybe my problem is tracking... I didn't really track my food like I usually do. I just guestimated - and I didn't keep track of my activity points or weekly points. Guess what that means? An added 2 lbs to my body. Next week will be better. I know it will.
Financially, things have been tight. We have a fair amount of credit card debt and we owe my parents some money. My dad has been great - relaxed about it. He'll get it when he gets it. My mom needs the money back. So, we worked out a "payment plan" with her. We also have all my medical bills - payment plans for them as well. We were planning on starting Dave Ramsey's Snowball plan in June. And then............ our water heater died. Last night, the "pop top" blew. David replaced it, and the new one popped today. The plumber came out and said that it's 20 years old (wow!), and needs to be replaced. So, the power is off (it's electric), and we can only turn it on to do laundry, showers, and dishes. Well, we can shower at the gym (after working out) and do laundry with cold water. But dishes? No. I need hot water.
So, we spent the evening figuring out the best way to go. David and I found one at a decent price from True Value and he is going to get it tomorrow. We decided to look at a couple other places and by the time we were done, True Value was closed. So, he's going to deal with it tomorrow. We still need to get a plumber to install it (eek!), but hopefully we can find one who will accept payments.
I seriously feel like everytime we start to get ahead, something goes wrong. David was supposed to call the urology clinic today, but now we can't afford it. We were planning summer trips, and now... we don't know. We want to be parents. And now.... It's not just the water heater. It's the surgery, the flu, the car accident,..... everytime we get one step ahead, we fall 2 back. Damn it. When will it be my turn to get ahead? When will it be my turn to say "I paid off a credit card!" or "We're pregnant!" My student loans are coming due in July and I know we can get the payments reduced, but seriously? I don't want to be paying on those for the rest of my life!
So, someday, some way, we will get ahead. We will succeed. 99 3/4% guaranteed. I hope.
I found out this week that 2 of my friends are pregnant. I am excited for both of them. But, I'm sad at the same time. I'm mad at myself for thinking "It's not fair" - even for that split second that I thought it - I feel guilty for it. Both of these women have been trying for 6 months. They both deserve their babies. But, damn it, I want a baby, too! Another friend of mine who is having problems getting pregnant is having the same issue - everybody around her is getting pregnant. David is meeting with a new urologist sometime soon, getting back on the Clomid, and then we'll try an IUI. We're both getting back to our vitamins. Hopefully in 4-5 months I'll be announcing a baby!
But it's hard. I want to be pregnant now. It's not fair. June is our 2nd anniversary, August is our 2nd trying to conceive anniversary. As a teacher, I see good parents and not-so-good parents. Why can these women sleep with 4-5 different guys and get pregnant everytime they get into bed? And why can they keep popping out kids and getting free aide? David and I will be good, loving parents who have common sense and understand what routine, and talking, and loving, and not getting high/drunk with our kids in the next room... Everytime I see a pregnant woman, I wonder "What did God see in you that he doesn't see in me?"
We had weigh-in tonight. David did great! He lost 6 lbs! I gained 2. I know that this past week was tough - Easter, 1 winery and 2 tasting rooms, plus 1/2 a bottle of wine the other night. But, I've been going to the gym and watching what I eat. I think maybe my problem is tracking... I didn't really track my food like I usually do. I just guestimated - and I didn't keep track of my activity points or weekly points. Guess what that means? An added 2 lbs to my body. Next week will be better. I know it will.
Financially, things have been tight. We have a fair amount of credit card debt and we owe my parents some money. My dad has been great - relaxed about it. He'll get it when he gets it. My mom needs the money back. So, we worked out a "payment plan" with her. We also have all my medical bills - payment plans for them as well. We were planning on starting Dave Ramsey's Snowball plan in June. And then............ our water heater died. Last night, the "pop top" blew. David replaced it, and the new one popped today. The plumber came out and said that it's 20 years old (wow!), and needs to be replaced. So, the power is off (it's electric), and we can only turn it on to do laundry, showers, and dishes. Well, we can shower at the gym (after working out) and do laundry with cold water. But dishes? No. I need hot water.
So, we spent the evening figuring out the best way to go. David and I found one at a decent price from True Value and he is going to get it tomorrow. We decided to look at a couple other places and by the time we were done, True Value was closed. So, he's going to deal with it tomorrow. We still need to get a plumber to install it (eek!), but hopefully we can find one who will accept payments.
I seriously feel like everytime we start to get ahead, something goes wrong. David was supposed to call the urology clinic today, but now we can't afford it. We were planning summer trips, and now... we don't know. We want to be parents. And now.... It's not just the water heater. It's the surgery, the flu, the car accident,..... everytime we get one step ahead, we fall 2 back. Damn it. When will it be my turn to get ahead? When will it be my turn to say "I paid off a credit card!" or "We're pregnant!" My student loans are coming due in July and I know we can get the payments reduced, but seriously? I don't want to be paying on those for the rest of my life!
So, someday, some way, we will get ahead. We will succeed. 99 3/4% guaranteed. I hope.
Monday, March 9, 2009
"Wait and See"
So here's my vent post for the month. It will probably get long because I have alot of bottled up frustration..... Ready?
I went to see the GI specialist today. Guess what he said? Do this, wait a couple days, and we'll see what happens. Really? So this makes 3 doctors - 6 if you count ER doctors - who have basically told me to "wait and see" while I've been sick. So, I'm basically prepping for a colonoscopy without having the procedure. Dr. C told me I could mix the stuff with whatever I needed to so that I could tolerate it better. I mixed it with Sprite and that helped a little. But, I'm so flipping nauseous from it - I'm probably not drinking anymore of it, and I've only had 1/3 of it. I'm starting to gag as soon as I just smell the stuff in the glass. And yes, I tried plugging my nose. I can't swallow it like that - it irritates my gag reflex.
And because of all these damn doctors telling me to wait and see, we have to wait to have a baby. We will have to have a summer baby unless I (a) switch school districts to one who gives paid maternity leave separate from sick time or (b) wait 3 years to get 30 days of leave built back up. Even while trying to have a baby, it always seems like I'm waiting and seeing. We time having sex by doing OPKs and charting, and then we wait and see if it worked. When we started it was "wait a few months so your body can adjust to being off the pill and then see what happens." Once David started the Clomid it was "wait 3 months and see what happens." Seriously. I know having a baby isn't always a quick thing. Obviously, I understand that. We've been trying for over a year and a half. And now, we have to stop and wait and see if September will work for an IUI. David is waiting to go back on Clomid until April or May, giving us more than the 3 months of "waiting and seeing," but that gives us a window. He will also be taking the FertilAide daily starting in April. I'm going back to a regular prenatal, and then in August, I'll do the FertilAide but add anything that's "missing" from the prenatal since the formulas will be different.
We probably won't be going to California in June. I just don't think there's enough money in the budget. I lost one of my tutoring cases because his counselor - he's a foster kid - told the foster mom that he "had" to have somebody there consistently. I understand that. But, I'm pissed. That's $100 a week we're losing. The company told me they would get me another case when I was ready for it. So, I'm going to "enjoy" 2 quiet weeks with just my one case, and then I'll get another case. We owe the hospital so much money, plus we have credit card debt. We want to get out of debt, besides our house and student loans, so this it's probably better that we skip the reunion. But, I haven't seen my family in a long time, so I'm sad.
On the working page.... I spent 2 hard years working my ass off to get my ESL/ELL degree. But, because I'm not tenured, I have to wait until the summer and see if they will need an ESL/ELL teacher somewhere. I do like my school - not all the people, not all the time, but that's anywhere.... - but I feel like I'm wasting my master's degree doing Pre-K. I don't know if I should take stuff home at the end of the year or leave my stuff there. I know that it's still early - only the beginning of March - but I would love to know by the end of the school year. That way I could plan my school year easier!
Well, now that my stomach is in knots, my ass is on fire, and if you've actually made it through this, kudos to you! Thanks for listening! I'm done ranting about waiting and seeing. Hopefully my next post can be a little more optimistic!
I went to see the GI specialist today. Guess what he said? Do this, wait a couple days, and we'll see what happens. Really? So this makes 3 doctors - 6 if you count ER doctors - who have basically told me to "wait and see" while I've been sick. So, I'm basically prepping for a colonoscopy without having the procedure. Dr. C told me I could mix the stuff with whatever I needed to so that I could tolerate it better. I mixed it with Sprite and that helped a little. But, I'm so flipping nauseous from it - I'm probably not drinking anymore of it, and I've only had 1/3 of it. I'm starting to gag as soon as I just smell the stuff in the glass. And yes, I tried plugging my nose. I can't swallow it like that - it irritates my gag reflex.
And because of all these damn doctors telling me to wait and see, we have to wait to have a baby. We will have to have a summer baby unless I (a) switch school districts to one who gives paid maternity leave separate from sick time or (b) wait 3 years to get 30 days of leave built back up. Even while trying to have a baby, it always seems like I'm waiting and seeing. We time having sex by doing OPKs and charting, and then we wait and see if it worked. When we started it was "wait a few months so your body can adjust to being off the pill and then see what happens." Once David started the Clomid it was "wait 3 months and see what happens." Seriously. I know having a baby isn't always a quick thing. Obviously, I understand that. We've been trying for over a year and a half. And now, we have to stop and wait and see if September will work for an IUI. David is waiting to go back on Clomid until April or May, giving us more than the 3 months of "waiting and seeing," but that gives us a window. He will also be taking the FertilAide daily starting in April. I'm going back to a regular prenatal, and then in August, I'll do the FertilAide but add anything that's "missing" from the prenatal since the formulas will be different.
We probably won't be going to California in June. I just don't think there's enough money in the budget. I lost one of my tutoring cases because his counselor - he's a foster kid - told the foster mom that he "had" to have somebody there consistently. I understand that. But, I'm pissed. That's $100 a week we're losing. The company told me they would get me another case when I was ready for it. So, I'm going to "enjoy" 2 quiet weeks with just my one case, and then I'll get another case. We owe the hospital so much money, plus we have credit card debt. We want to get out of debt, besides our house and student loans, so this it's probably better that we skip the reunion. But, I haven't seen my family in a long time, so I'm sad.
On the working page.... I spent 2 hard years working my ass off to get my ESL/ELL degree. But, because I'm not tenured, I have to wait until the summer and see if they will need an ESL/ELL teacher somewhere. I do like my school - not all the people, not all the time, but that's anywhere.... - but I feel like I'm wasting my master's degree doing Pre-K. I don't know if I should take stuff home at the end of the year or leave my stuff there. I know that it's still early - only the beginning of March - but I would love to know by the end of the school year. That way I could plan my school year easier!
Well, now that my stomach is in knots, my ass is on fire, and if you've actually made it through this, kudos to you! Thanks for listening! I'm done ranting about waiting and seeing. Hopefully my next post can be a little more optimistic!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Weekly post-op check in
I had my appt with Dr. K today. He said my belly button looked good - I was worried about it because it's been "oozing" stuff, but he said that's normal and that we should keep cleaning it out with peroxide.
As far as work.... I can still only work 3-4 hrs, and a half day is 4 1/2 -5 hrs a day. So, I'm off another week. He is a little worried about my pain, but said to give it until Tuesday. If I'm not feeling better by then, to give him a call. Today, I was able to manage the pain with Ibuprofen and only 1 Hydrocodone - a BIG accomplishment for me. But, my dr's appt and a short errand made me really hurt and made me EXHAUSTED. Like, come home, fall asleep in recliner for an hour, and still have no energy.
We also talked to Dr. K about baby-making. He recommended once David is back on Clomid that we give it a month or two extra and see if we can get pregnant on our own. Plus, we'll have all the extra stuff we've been trying, and maybe this time, we can get pregnant on our own. If not, we're shooting for a late summer/early fall IUI so that we can have a summer baby (hopefully). Oh, and the chances of endometriosis coming back are slim for about 5 years, so I guess we'll see what happens!
I think that's about it. Another week, stuck in the house, very limited activity.... David is going to help me with the laundry and I'm going to start trying to add a little activity in the house (no bending or lifting - I promise!). Happy Wednesday!
As far as work.... I can still only work 3-4 hrs, and a half day is 4 1/2 -5 hrs a day. So, I'm off another week. He is a little worried about my pain, but said to give it until Tuesday. If I'm not feeling better by then, to give him a call. Today, I was able to manage the pain with Ibuprofen and only 1 Hydrocodone - a BIG accomplishment for me. But, my dr's appt and a short errand made me really hurt and made me EXHAUSTED. Like, come home, fall asleep in recliner for an hour, and still have no energy.
We also talked to Dr. K about baby-making. He recommended once David is back on Clomid that we give it a month or two extra and see if we can get pregnant on our own. Plus, we'll have all the extra stuff we've been trying, and maybe this time, we can get pregnant on our own. If not, we're shooting for a late summer/early fall IUI so that we can have a summer baby (hopefully). Oh, and the chances of endometriosis coming back are slim for about 5 years, so I guess we'll see what happens!
I think that's about it. Another week, stuck in the house, very limited activity.... David is going to help me with the laundry and I'm going to start trying to add a little activity in the house (no bending or lifting - I promise!). Happy Wednesday!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Surgeon Update
Well, Dr. I said I can work up to 4 hours. But, with teaching, it's really hard to find GOOD subs for only 1/2 day. Plus, I know that my kids will do better just not seeing me at all until I come back for good. So, I'm going to work a 1/2 day at the shop, and then I might tutor at night (only 2 hours a night).
I picked up the 4th book in the Twilight series - Breaking Dawn. I'm only into the 3rd chapter, but so excited! And, when I do get it finished before the end of the weekend, I'm going to watch movies from my friend (David is going to put the DVD player on top of the TV so I don't have to bend over).
David asked me today if I would ever considering adopting. He really wants a baby. He called his urologist, but we owe money, which we didn't realize. And they won't let him see the Dr until we pay the ENTIRE $300 - not even set up a payment plan, but actually pay it. I am so angry about this! Anyways... he was driving today and saw a billboard for an adoption agency. He wants a baby so bad. I reminded him that adopting will be way more expensive than IUI. So, as soon as we get this bill figured out - he called his old insurance company and found out that they were claiming "pre-existing condition" but they will "wave" it if he can prove insurance before that. So, as soon as this gets taken care of, David will get back on the Clomid, and then we will go for an IUI. So, the break has shortened itself - probably June or July. And as far adopting? We talked about it.... someday, we will... we will foster, adopt, do whatever we can. We both have such a heart for children who just need somebody to love them. But, right now, with us each having 3 jobs, it's just not possible to foster.
I know, lots of topics - kind of random... But I guess today was a bigger day than I thought it would be!
I picked up the 4th book in the Twilight series - Breaking Dawn. I'm only into the 3rd chapter, but so excited! And, when I do get it finished before the end of the weekend, I'm going to watch movies from my friend (David is going to put the DVD player on top of the TV so I don't have to bend over).
David asked me today if I would ever considering adopting. He really wants a baby. He called his urologist, but we owe money, which we didn't realize. And they won't let him see the Dr until we pay the ENTIRE $300 - not even set up a payment plan, but actually pay it. I am so angry about this! Anyways... he was driving today and saw a billboard for an adoption agency. He wants a baby so bad. I reminded him that adopting will be way more expensive than IUI. So, as soon as we get this bill figured out - he called his old insurance company and found out that they were claiming "pre-existing condition" but they will "wave" it if he can prove insurance before that. So, as soon as this gets taken care of, David will get back on the Clomid, and then we will go for an IUI. So, the break has shortened itself - probably June or July. And as far adopting? We talked about it.... someday, we will... we will foster, adopt, do whatever we can. We both have such a heart for children who just need somebody to love them. But, right now, with us each having 3 jobs, it's just not possible to foster.
I know, lots of topics - kind of random... But I guess today was a bigger day than I thought it would be!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Another update
Well, Dr. K let me out Saturday night. Sunday, I slept most of the day, and noticed my pain was a little stronger than it had been. Monday, I woke up and was in pain as severe as when this all first started. I called the office and they said to come back in.
So, David picked me up since I was in too much pain to drive, and we went back to Dr. K's office. He examined me AGAIN (seriously, getting sick of this), and said the infection had started getting worse again. Back to the hospital I go...
This time, I'm on the maternity floor. Lovely. I am getting much better nursing care than up on the 4th floor. But, I have newborns surrounding me. I'm so thankful that women had healthy babies and that they are able to start their family. But, at 3:00 this morning, all it did was remind me that I am not the one pregnant.
David and I were getting me admitted and his mom called. She is in the hospital too. She may be having surgery today - basically, when she eats or drinks anything, nothing in her GI tract is responding and moving the stuff anywhere. It's all sitting there. So, now David is bouncing back and forth between me, his mom, the dogs, class, and he has to work tonight.
I had a CT with contrast done today. I started spotting, and the heart burn is back with a vengeance. I also noticed the pain is moving to my right side now. So, not sure what's going to happen. I was reading more on PID, and basically, if we can't get this under control, I could end up having surgery. Worse news, I could end up infertile - or have more problems getting pregnant when we start trying again.
I am so scared. I try not to show David how scared I am. I know he's scared too - especially with his mom being in the hospital, too. I have some friends coming to see me today - excited for the company. People from work seem to care less, and that hurts. But, at the same time, I think fuck them. I have more important things to worry about - like getting healthy, avoiding surgery, and ever being able to be on this floor of the hospital for it's original purpose.
So, my lunch is here, my IV is alarming, and I have to pee. What a great update.
So, David picked me up since I was in too much pain to drive, and we went back to Dr. K's office. He examined me AGAIN (seriously, getting sick of this), and said the infection had started getting worse again. Back to the hospital I go...
This time, I'm on the maternity floor. Lovely. I am getting much better nursing care than up on the 4th floor. But, I have newborns surrounding me. I'm so thankful that women had healthy babies and that they are able to start their family. But, at 3:00 this morning, all it did was remind me that I am not the one pregnant.
David and I were getting me admitted and his mom called. She is in the hospital too. She may be having surgery today - basically, when she eats or drinks anything, nothing in her GI tract is responding and moving the stuff anywhere. It's all sitting there. So, now David is bouncing back and forth between me, his mom, the dogs, class, and he has to work tonight.
I had a CT with contrast done today. I started spotting, and the heart burn is back with a vengeance. I also noticed the pain is moving to my right side now. So, not sure what's going to happen. I was reading more on PID, and basically, if we can't get this under control, I could end up having surgery. Worse news, I could end up infertile - or have more problems getting pregnant when we start trying again.
I am so scared. I try not to show David how scared I am. I know he's scared too - especially with his mom being in the hospital, too. I have some friends coming to see me today - excited for the company. People from work seem to care less, and that hurts. But, at the same time, I think fuck them. I have more important things to worry about - like getting healthy, avoiding surgery, and ever being able to be on this floor of the hospital for it's original purpose.
So, my lunch is here, my IV is alarming, and I have to pee. What a great update.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Interesting fortune and decisions...
David took me to Chinese yesterday after the doctor. Seriously, this infection is making me crave all the bad stuff and alot of it! I'll go to WW meeting tomorrow, but I'm definitely not weighing in. It's allowed! When they switched to the Momentum plan, they give you basically a free pass - I don't have to weigh in, but I can still have "credit" for being there. I just know that my body needed this week and next week (or maybe in a day or two) will be better!
So, my fortune cookie read: An unexpected event will soon make your life more exciting. Good or bad? Doesn't say. But, sometimes I wonder if I WANT any more excitement?
David and I did alot of talking last night. The last 8 months have been tough with him working 72 hrs out of town. #1 - you can't try to have a baby if one of the necessary people is NOT there! #2 - we can't talk like we need to. #3 - He feels guilty that he can't help me around the house or with the puppies like he wants to. He talked to his current PT job yesterday - they will guarantee him 40+ hours a week. It is a little pay cut, BUT at this point, we think it will be okay. He can work as much overtime as he wants, and be home to be a husband, puppy daddy, and son/son-in-law. We have been very stressed with his full-time job and we think that this decision will help our marriage and our budget, even with the pay cut.
We are putting baby-making on a slight, but not complete, hold. David has been off the Clomid since his accident. He is going to wait until May and then go back on them. He is still taking the vitamins, and so am I. We are going to keep timing sex and using the other stuff we got (after my infection is cleared). But, we looked at our budget and the meds are a little expensive and not covered by insurance. By waiting until May, we will be in a better place. Then, in September/October we will go to the OB and do an IUI. If that worked, we would have a summer baby which would be perfect for my teaching! So, we're still gonna try, but we're not getting our hopes up.
We have plans. And by waiting and making these changes - somewhat expected and somewhat unexpected - we will be in a better position to be better parents and better spouses.
On the infection front... I'm still hurting. I thought the pain would start to get better, but it hasn't. I'm still exhausted, still starving. No fever (finally broke overnight), but everything else is killing me... So, I guess we'll see what happens in a few more days. I'm trying to decide about tutoring tonight - I need to go, but I feel like shit and I don't think I could give him my full attention. I also have to decide about work tomorrow. Again, feeling like SHIT, but I need to get back. I miss my kids and feel guilty for not being there.... I'm hoping my upcoming nap will help clear my thoughts and make me feel better.
So, my fortune cookie read: An unexpected event will soon make your life more exciting. Good or bad? Doesn't say. But, sometimes I wonder if I WANT any more excitement?
David and I did alot of talking last night. The last 8 months have been tough with him working 72 hrs out of town. #1 - you can't try to have a baby if one of the necessary people is NOT there! #2 - we can't talk like we need to. #3 - He feels guilty that he can't help me around the house or with the puppies like he wants to. He talked to his current PT job yesterday - they will guarantee him 40+ hours a week. It is a little pay cut, BUT at this point, we think it will be okay. He can work as much overtime as he wants, and be home to be a husband, puppy daddy, and son/son-in-law. We have been very stressed with his full-time job and we think that this decision will help our marriage and our budget, even with the pay cut.
We are putting baby-making on a slight, but not complete, hold. David has been off the Clomid since his accident. He is going to wait until May and then go back on them. He is still taking the vitamins, and so am I. We are going to keep timing sex and using the other stuff we got (after my infection is cleared). But, we looked at our budget and the meds are a little expensive and not covered by insurance. By waiting until May, we will be in a better place. Then, in September/October we will go to the OB and do an IUI. If that worked, we would have a summer baby which would be perfect for my teaching! So, we're still gonna try, but we're not getting our hopes up.
We have plans. And by waiting and making these changes - somewhat expected and somewhat unexpected - we will be in a better position to be better parents and better spouses.
On the infection front... I'm still hurting. I thought the pain would start to get better, but it hasn't. I'm still exhausted, still starving. No fever (finally broke overnight), but everything else is killing me... So, I guess we'll see what happens in a few more days. I'm trying to decide about tutoring tonight - I need to go, but I feel like shit and I don't think I could give him my full attention. I also have to decide about work tomorrow. Again, feeling like SHIT, but I need to get back. I miss my kids and feel guilty for not being there.... I'm hoping my upcoming nap will help clear my thoughts and make me feel better.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Not Pregnant
So, all this emotional eating, hormones going all over the place, skin breaking out - but earlier than it ever should... I thought for sure I was pregnant.
Well, last night when I started having some pain around my left ovary, I ended up in the ER. Dr. Quack as he will now be called diagnosed me with something but didn't even do an ultrasound. He did do an exam (gotta love 'em) and blood work. He left the room to write my scripts and I asked David "If he's wrong and I am pregnant, will these meds hurt the baby?" "No, because it's early enough the urine test came back -." (The b/w PG test had to get shipped out because I was in a small-town ER) Dr. Quack recommended I go see my GP in "a week or two" if I don't feel better.
Needless to say, I wasn't going to wait a week or two - I called my OB first thing in the morning. I went in to see him and was diagnosed with the same thing, but had a more thorough exam done. I've decided now that the worst part about being pregnant will be all the internal exams and the internal ultrasound. Yeah, that was not pleasant. But, he said everything looked good! He changed the antibiotics to a 14 day round of some strong, but not expensive, stuff and said if I'm not feeling better in a week to come back.
Definitely not pregnant. But not healthy either. I took tomorrow off work and am hoping to feel better by the end of the day! (Oh, and Beth - I'll do the lemonade thing when I'm feeling a little better!)
Well, last night when I started having some pain around my left ovary, I ended up in the ER. Dr. Quack as he will now be called diagnosed me with something but didn't even do an ultrasound. He did do an exam (gotta love 'em) and blood work. He left the room to write my scripts and I asked David "If he's wrong and I am pregnant, will these meds hurt the baby?" "No, because it's early enough the urine test came back -." (The b/w PG test had to get shipped out because I was in a small-town ER) Dr. Quack recommended I go see my GP in "a week or two" if I don't feel better.
Needless to say, I wasn't going to wait a week or two - I called my OB first thing in the morning. I went in to see him and was diagnosed with the same thing, but had a more thorough exam done. I've decided now that the worst part about being pregnant will be all the internal exams and the internal ultrasound. Yeah, that was not pleasant. But, he said everything looked good! He changed the antibiotics to a 14 day round of some strong, but not expensive, stuff and said if I'm not feeling better in a week to come back.
Definitely not pregnant. But not healthy either. I took tomorrow off work and am hoping to feel better by the end of the day! (Oh, and Beth - I'll do the lemonade thing when I'm feeling a little better!)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Fun Day
David and I went to the gym tonight. I decided I wanted to brave a class and did Pilates. I was nervous, but excited. I've heard really good things about it, so thought I'd give it a shot. This particular instructor did everything really slow - really focused on the muscles. It felt really good - I know I'm going to be sore in the morning, but I think I'm getting back into the race! I can tone and relax at the same time! Next week, I'm going to add 30 min of cardio beforehand to get an all around good workout!
And.... my family's family reunion is being held this summer. The last reunion was the summer we got married, so obviously we didn't make it. It's in California - hotel is expensive, flights are insane. So, we decided to drive! We're leaving June 22 (Monday), driving out - getting there on Wednesday. Family reunion is the 22-28, but the "big stuff" is the weekend. Then, we'll leave the 29th and drive home. There is so much to do - hiking cliffs by the ocean, wineries, horseback riding on the beach...... OMG, I am SO excited! We're gonna start saving today so that we have lots of fun money! We're really hoping that we can announce we're pregnant at the family reunion. If not, that's okay. We're still able to see family, 90% of them David hasn't met, and have an awesome time. (The winery won't be much fun if I'm knocked up!)
David got an MP3 player tonight. I get to get one next week. So, when we go to the gym and nothing's on TV, we have something to listen to. He's up adding songs already. I can't wait to get mine!!!!
So, even though it was a LONG day at work, my night was awesome. I really liked the pilates class - I feel like a totally different person now - and I'm so excited about California! That's all for now... more to come soon, I'm sure!
And.... my family's family reunion is being held this summer. The last reunion was the summer we got married, so obviously we didn't make it. It's in California - hotel is expensive, flights are insane. So, we decided to drive! We're leaving June 22 (Monday), driving out - getting there on Wednesday. Family reunion is the 22-28, but the "big stuff" is the weekend. Then, we'll leave the 29th and drive home. There is so much to do - hiking cliffs by the ocean, wineries, horseback riding on the beach...... OMG, I am SO excited! We're gonna start saving today so that we have lots of fun money! We're really hoping that we can announce we're pregnant at the family reunion. If not, that's okay. We're still able to see family, 90% of them David hasn't met, and have an awesome time. (The winery won't be much fun if I'm knocked up!)
David got an MP3 player tonight. I get to get one next week. So, when we go to the gym and nothing's on TV, we have something to listen to. He's up adding songs already. I can't wait to get mine!!!!
So, even though it was a LONG day at work, my night was awesome. I really liked the pilates class - I feel like a totally different person now - and I'm so excited about California! That's all for now... more to come soon, I'm sure!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Double Damn
Tonight was weigh in! The good news: David lost 12.4 lbs this week!!!! He is fabulous.
The bad news: I gained 2 lbs since my last weighin on Dec 11. I knew it wouldn't be all that good because I knew I had gained over the holidays. But, I was hoping I could at least "maintain." Nope.
The second bad news: AF showed her ugly fucking head today. So, yet another month down. I know that also contributes to my gain this week on the scale, but it still makes me mad. I want to be a mom. I want to go to my weigh in and say "Hey, I just wanted to say see you in 9 months!" and to go to the school and say "I can't do the BL competition 'cause I'll be gaining weight over the next 9 months."
I keep praying and hoping that there's a reason for all of this. I want to be a mom. David wants to be a dad. And all around us, we see "parents" who should have had to get a permit to even have sex without birth control. When will it be our turn?
Enough of the negative. I'll be back with something more positive in a few days - I hope.
The bad news: I gained 2 lbs since my last weighin on Dec 11. I knew it wouldn't be all that good because I knew I had gained over the holidays. But, I was hoping I could at least "maintain." Nope.
The second bad news: AF showed her ugly fucking head today. So, yet another month down. I know that also contributes to my gain this week on the scale, but it still makes me mad. I want to be a mom. I want to go to my weigh in and say "Hey, I just wanted to say see you in 9 months!" and to go to the school and say "I can't do the BL competition 'cause I'll be gaining weight over the next 9 months."
I keep praying and hoping that there's a reason for all of this. I want to be a mom. David wants to be a dad. And all around us, we see "parents" who should have had to get a permit to even have sex without birth control. When will it be our turn?
Enough of the negative. I'll be back with something more positive in a few days - I hope.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
First Post of the 2009!
David and I had an awesome time in Kansas City! We stayed at the Sheraton on the Plaza (very nice!), and saw 2 movies (Marley & Me was AWESOME; Tale of Despereaux, not so much). We had dinner at Kona Grill and walked around for a while. Oh, and we went on a carriage ride!
My dad carried on a tradition started last year - New Year's day dinner at our house. He organized and cooked. We just invited. It was nice to see a few people we hadn't seen for a while, and I met one of David's friends from high school and his family.
Our "Gonna Get Pregnant" box showed up while we were gone! I ovulated yesterday (sorry - TMI?), so we're starting the vitamins and hanging out until my next cyle! 2009 WILL bring us a baby!!!
David and I had a long talk on the drive home today. We are both remotivated with our weight loss. He realized he gained most of what he had lost back during our stressful last 6 months. So, when we got home, we sat down and made 2 goals each: 1 weight loss and 1 exercise. David is going to Weigh In tomorrow morning and then again with me on Wednesday. His work schedule is really good this month - every Monday, Tuesday, most Wednesdays, 1/2 Thursdays, and a few Sundays off. We can actually go to the gym and Weigh In together! So excited!!! I put the goals on the fridge so that we will both see them and keep each other accountable!!
My goals: Exercise: 45 min workout at the gym 3 times a week (reward: Wii Active Play "game"). Weight Loss: Down to a Size 12 (reward: a new outfit). Keep me accountable!!!!
We're also getting serious about paying off our CC debts. We are going to try the Snowball method, and in approximately 15 months, we will be debt free. We will still have our 2 car loans, mortgages, and student loans. But, those are much more managable and we can do the Snowball with them too!
2008 has been a long year full of ups and downs, disappointments and joys, tears and laughter, and a whole lot more. Here's to another year!!!!
My dad carried on a tradition started last year - New Year's day dinner at our house. He organized and cooked. We just invited. It was nice to see a few people we hadn't seen for a while, and I met one of David's friends from high school and his family.
Our "Gonna Get Pregnant" box showed up while we were gone! I ovulated yesterday (sorry - TMI?), so we're starting the vitamins and hanging out until my next cyle! 2009 WILL bring us a baby!!!
David and I had a long talk on the drive home today. We are both remotivated with our weight loss. He realized he gained most of what he had lost back during our stressful last 6 months. So, when we got home, we sat down and made 2 goals each: 1 weight loss and 1 exercise. David is going to Weigh In tomorrow morning and then again with me on Wednesday. His work schedule is really good this month - every Monday, Tuesday, most Wednesdays, 1/2 Thursdays, and a few Sundays off. We can actually go to the gym and Weigh In together! So excited!!! I put the goals on the fridge so that we will both see them and keep each other accountable!!
My goals: Exercise: 45 min workout at the gym 3 times a week (reward: Wii Active Play "game"). Weight Loss: Down to a Size 12 (reward: a new outfit). Keep me accountable!!!!
We're also getting serious about paying off our CC debts. We are going to try the Snowball method, and in approximately 15 months, we will be debt free. We will still have our 2 car loans, mortgages, and student loans. But, those are much more managable and we can do the Snowball with them too!
2008 has been a long year full of ups and downs, disappointments and joys, tears and laughter, and a whole lot more. Here's to another year!!!!
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