Baby Making 101

Well, David and I have made a decision about having a baby. We definitely want one, and we will fight for it with everything we have. Because of the accident, David missed several days of his Clomid, so it's almost like starting over because of the life cycle of sperm. So, while we wait we have a few things on the way:


Supposedly this daily supplement will help David's swimmers. And, I figure if he's taking more stuff, I can too! You never know - I could always have something wrong and we just don't know it yet. So, I'll be a little proactive (along with my daily prenatal that I take).


Predictors will help us narrow down when I'm ovulating. I've used these in the past and they seem to be pretty accurate. Let's just hope that David's work schedule corresponds with my body!


TMI, maybe? But, I've always been on the dry side and this lube is sperm safe - supposedly it actually helps the swimmers get to where they need to go!


These cups are supposed to keep everything up close and make sure none "leak" out.

So, we ordered enough stuff for 3 months. If nothing by then, we'll go back to the OB and see what he can do! We want our baby, and feel like we've been wasting time. Hopefully David's work schedule will cooperate. That, I think, is our biggest obstacle right now. Fingers crossed! And any extra prayers you have floating around would really help! Thanks!

Merry Christmas

Today has always been a day of reflection for me. I'm sitting here, leaning against the wall with Jazzy curled up next to me. My family is here, just talking about random things. David and I were up late last night finishing up our wrapping. Our family joined us for a wonderful day!

I miss my grandparents terribly. No, it's not the first Christmas without them. But, for the first time - I used their salt/pepper shakers, their oven mitts, bathroom towels, and reindeer sheets that I bought Grandpa a few years ago. Our tree isn't the best, but it's ours.

We don't have a baby, or even a pregnancy, but we are in love, and we are together. Even though it's tough, things could be so much different. We are going to work hard to get pregnant this year. Next Christmas, we will hopefully have a baby to see Christmas.

I'll post pictures later. The dogs were treated by Grandma (my mom) with rawhides and toys. We also got them toys, raw hides, and a new bed. They have been chewing for over 2 hours, and our dinner was awesome. The biggest thing for us: we are together.

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and spending time with your family. Here's to a wonderful 2009 and many more years and dreams to come.........

Cherry-Almond Biscotti

Another recipe! This one is really good. The only thing was that it was more crumbly than I thought it should be, but it tastes good!

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 22
Preparation Time: 11 min
Cooking Time: 50 min


Ingredients
2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1 cup(s) sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp table salt
1 large egg(s)
2 large egg white(s)
1 1/2 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup(s) dried cherries, chopped
1/3 cup(s) slivered almonds, toasted
1 spray(s) cooking spray
Instructions

* Preheat oven to 350°F.

* Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour and next four ingredients in a large bowl. Combine egg, egg whites, almond extract and vanilla; add to flour mixture, stirring until well blended. Stir in cherries and almonds (dough will be dry and crumbly). Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface; knead five to six times. Divide dough in half. Shape each portion into an 8-inch-long roll. Place rolls 4 to 5 inches apart on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray; flatten each roll to 1-inch thickness.

* Bake at 350°F for 30 minutes. Remove rolls from baking sheet; cool 10 minutes on a wire rack. Reduce oven temperature to 325°F. Cut each roll diagonally into 1⁄2-inch slices. Place slices, cut sides down, on baking sheets coated with cooking spray; bake 10 minutes. Turn cookies over; bake an additional 10 minutes. Remove from baking sheets and cool completely on wire rack. Yield: 22 servings (serving size: 1 cookie).

Peanut Butter Cookies with Chocolate Center

Yet another Christmas recipe! I baked for 10 minutes and they were just a little overdone. 9 minutes is better. A little extra chocolate wouldn't hurt any (besides change the points), but that is coming from a Chocoholic!

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 30
Preparation Time: 12 min
Cooking Time: 11 min

Ingredients
2 spray(s) cooking spray
1 cup(s) sugar, granulated
1/4 cup(s) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup(s) chunky peanut butter
2 large egg(s)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp table salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 cup(s) whole-grain wheat flour
1 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips
Instructions

* Preheat oven to 375ºF. Coat 2 cookie sheets with cooking spray or cover with parchment paper.

* Place sugar, butter and peanut butter in a large bowl; beat with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla; blend well with mixer.

* Add salt, baking soda and flour to sugar mixture; beat until completely incorporated.

* Drop batter by heaping teaspoons onto prepared cookie sheets and flatten with the back of a wooden spoon. Make sure to leave about 2 inches between each cookie. (Bake in several batches to prevent over-crowding if necessary.) Place a chocolate chip in center of each cookie.

* Bake cookies until edges brown, about 10 to 11 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool on cookie sheet for 1 or 2 minutes; remove cookies to a wire rack and cool completely. Yields 1 cookie per serving.

I graduated!

Well, I officially graduated with my Masters of Science in Education (concentrating in ESL/ELL) from UNO on Friday. My last two grades aren't in yet, but I know I passed them both!

I didn't make my personal challenge of getting to a size 12, but with David's accident and all the other stress, it's okay. The biggest thing for me was when we went shopping. I didn't have to guess what size to wear or go to the Women's section. 2 of the 3 dresses fit perfect ~ the one that didn't had a belt at the waist and my torso is so long that those types of dresses don't work well.

Here are some pics:

My dress! I felt so good in it!!


My daddy and I. Yes, at 26 years old, I am still the biggest daddy's girl in the world! He has supported me in everything - mistake or not - and is such a wonderful role model for me.


David and I! He gave me his jacket when I had to turn my gown in and then walk to the car. He does love me! :-)


The Masters' gowns had these wing like things so I kept saying I felt like Bat Man! As we were going from the basement of the Civic to the auditorium, I texted David and said "We're leaving the Bat Cave!" He laughed.


David's mom got me a cake. I ate way more of it than I should have, but, hell, it was my graduation! We tried to send it home with her but she wouldn't take it. It will probably end up getting thrown away because we won't be able to finish it!

So, now I have to figure out what to do in my spare time! David is going to finish his RN degree which should take about 2 years. Hopefully we'll get pregnant before he finishes and maybe I'll go back for my administration certificate...... But, for now, I'm going to enjoy relaxing and keeping my house clean!

Carob Oatmeal Bars

Here's another dog-friendly recipe. Carob is dog-safe "chocolate." Yes, people eat it ~ I found it in the health food section at HyVee. I also cut the bars smaller than it says and used a smaller rectangle pan instead of square to get more treats.

Ingredients
~ 1/4 cup vegetable oil
~ 1/4 cup honey
~ 2 eggs
~ 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
~ 1/4 cup water
~ 1 cup whole wheat flour
~ 1/2 tsp baking powder
~ 2 cups quick-cooking oats, uncooked
~ 1/4 cup carob chips

In a medium bowl, mix all the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, mix all the dry ingredients. Slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry mixture, and mix well. Pour the batter into a greased 9 inch square baking pan. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes. The bars are done when toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool and cut into 2 inch squares.

Peanut Butter Apple Cookies

This is a dog-safe recipe. Last year, my mom got me a cook book for dogs called Doggy Desserts. No, I don't make treats very often, but when I do, the dogs love them! People can eat them too, but they are pretty bland.

I'm giving these to all the puppies in our lives!

Ingredients
~ 1 apple, chopped, with skin and core removed
~ 1/3 cup vegetable oil
~ 1/4 cup all natural peanut butter, no salt or sugar added (I used Smucker's Organic)
~ 1/4 cup honey
~ 1 egg
~ 2 cup whole wheat flour
~ 1/2 cup water

In a large bowl, mix all the ingredients. With a teaspoon, drop spoonfuls of dough onto a baking sheet, 1 inch apart. Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes. When done, the cookies should be firm to touch. Turn the oven off, and leave the cookies in for 1-2 hours to harden (I didn't do this part because I wanted them to be a little softer).

Chocolate Turtle Cookies

Okay, so I think this was my favorite of the 4. The caramel melted really nicely ~ a couple melted a little onto the pan ~ and the cookies were so soft and moist!!! Definitely gonna be making more of these! You definitely need to plan more time to chill though. I gave it 45 minutes and it wasn't enough. I did it anyways, and it was messy. So, maybe a couple hours would be better. Oh, and I used the back of a spatula to get the caramel flat (it was easier than using my hand and "kneading" it).

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 24
Preparation Time: 18 min
Cooking Time: 10 min


Ingredients
1 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/3 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa
2/3 cup(s) sugar
1/4 cup(s) reduced-calorie margarine
1/4 cup(s) fat-free cream cheese
1 large egg white(s)
2 tbsp fat-free skim milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 spray(s) cooking spray
24 piece(s) caramel candies
24 pieces pecan halves
Instructions

* Combine flour and cocoa in a small bowl; set aside. Beat together sugar, margarine, cream cheese, egg white, milk and vanilla extract in a large bowl; add flour mixture and blend well. Chill dough at least 30 minutes, or until firm.

* Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly coat 2 baking sheets with cooking spray.

* Shape dough into 1-inch balls; place on baking sheets about 1 to 2 inches apart. Press a caramel into each cookie and flatten; top each caramel with a pecan half. Bake for 10 minutes. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheets and then remove to a wire rack to cool completely. Yields 1 cookie per serving.

Lemon Cookie Snaps

Here is recipe 3. These were pretty good ~ I'm not a huge fan of lemon, but David and my dad are. So, I decided to make them. They were easy and moist. There was also a note at the bottom of the recipe ~ you can change the flavor by changing the juice and zest to the citrus of your choice.

POINTS® Value: 3
Servings: 15
Preparation Time: 10 min
Cooking Time: 12 min

Ingredients
1 1/2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp table salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 cup(s) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup(s) sugar
2 large egg yolk(s)
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 tbsp lemon zest, finely chopped
1/4 cup(s) reduced-fat sour cream
2 spray(s) cooking spray, flour-variety recommended
Instructions

* In a small bowl, combine flour, salt and baking powder; set aside.

* In a medium bowl, using an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy; add egg yolks and combine thoroughly. Add lemon juice and zest; beat well. Add sour cream and a small amount of flour mixture; beat to combine. Add rest of flour mixture and mix thoroughly. Turn dough out onto a large piece of plastic wrap. Cover tightly and refrigerate for 2 hours and up to 24 hours.

* Preheat oven to 375ºF. Coat 2 cookie sheets with cooking spray.

* Tear off heaping tablespoons of dough and roll into balls; place about 2-inches apart on prepared cookie sheets. Press each ball down with palm of your hand to flatten. Press tines of a fork across cookies in one direction to make lines. Press tines of a fork across cookies in opposite direction to make a cross-hatch pattern.

* Bake until edges of cookies turn golden, about 9 to 12 minutes. Remove from oven and leave on cookie sheets for 1 or 2 minutes; remove to a wire rack to cool completely. Yields 2 cookies per serving.

Crackle Spice Drops

Here is the second cookie I made. These don't really spread, so you can put them pretty close together. And they are so moist and yummy!

POINTS® Value: 1
Servings: 36 (I think I about doubled the size, so closer to 2 points and only 20 cookies or so)
Preparation Time: 18 min
Cooking Time: 8 min

Ingredients
1/2 cup(s) reduced-calorie margarine, soft
1/2 cup(s) unpacked brown sugar
1 large egg(s)
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp table salt
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1/4 cup(s) powdered sugar

Instructions

* Preheat oven to 375°F.

* In a mixing bowl, on medium speed, beat margarine with brown sugar until creamy. Add egg and vanilla extract; beat until light and fluffy. Stir in flour, baking soda, salt and spice.

* Roll rounded teaspoonfuls of dough into powdered sugar to coat. Place onto baking sheet. Bake until golden, about 7 to 8 minutes. Yields 1 cookie per serving.

Chocolate Cherry Oatmeal Cookies

This is the first recipe I've made for our Christmas Cookie Baskets. Everybody is getting 2-3 different kinds of cookies or bars, so be prepared for a bunch of recipes. This one is yummy, but I cooked the first batch for 14 minutes on accident and they were a little over-done. Still chewy and soft, but you could kind of taste the over-cooked-ness (and yes, this is a word!).

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 36
Preparation Time: 15 min
Cooking Time: 12 min

Ingredients
3/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour
2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp table salt
3/4 cup(s) butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup(s) sugar
3/4 cup(s) packed light brown sugar
2 large egg(s)
2 1/2 cup(s) uncooked oatmeal
1/2 cup(s) dried cherries
Instructions

* Preheat oven to 350ºF.

* Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt together in a small bowl; set aside.

* Place room temperature butter into bowl of a mixer and mix with a paddle attachment until smooth, or beat with an electric mixer. Slowly pour granulated sugar in an even stream into butter and mix on high speed until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Pour in brown sugar, mix until incorporated and then scrape mixture down from sides of bowl.

* Slowly beat in each egg one at a time until incorporated. Slowly beat in flour mixture until incorporated.

* Scrape mixture down from sides of bowl and stir in oatmeal and then dried cherries.

* Scoop rounded teaspoonfuls of dough onto a nonstick sheet pan, a pan lined with parchment paper or a silicon baking mat about 1 1/2 inches apart.

* Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, until edges are set. Cool completely. Either serve cookies or stack between sheets of waxed paper in an air-tight container and freeze for up to two weeks before serving. Yields about 1 cookie per serving.

David's Birthday

Yesterday was David's birthday and I told him that everything we did was up to him. We did have to feed the new puppies, but other than that, it was his day. He picked to go to Kobe Steakhouse because he had heard that it was good food and fun. I've been there, so suggested we invite my dad and his family. He was game, so I made those phone calls. We went to Jeanne's to feed the puppies - they are getting bigger every day - and hung out for a while.

Even though it was colder than shit and windy, David decided we should still do the festival. We went to Durham Western Heritage Museum, Joslyn Art Museum, and the Children's Museum. We spent the most time at Durham, and caught the trolley between each place. We were going to stop at the Police Department's Horse Barn, but David was worried about it being cold.

We ran a few errands ~ a little Christmas shopping and then let the dogs out before we picked his parents up for dinner. We fed the puppies again, and then made our way out west.

We got to Kobe and had to wait a little because my dad was running late. We had so much fun. We were celebrating David and his dad, Dave's, birthday (Dave's is the day before David's). They both got chocolate cheesecake for dessert, so they shared - super yummy (tasted like Cheesecake Factory).

We went back to his parents for cake and ice cream. I fed the puppies again - Desi isn't wanting to feed as much so we're having to bribe her and then supplement with formula.

David said he had one of the best birthday's. It was nice to give him an awesome day, and except for dinner and Christmas shopping, it cost us absolutely nothing!

Cycle 19

Obviously, with David's car accident, our chances of getting pregnant this month were pretty slim. But, I always have hope, you know?

Tomorrow is David's birthday; Graduation is Friday; Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. How perfect to surprise everybody and say we're pregnant?

Nope. My body had a different plan for me. AF showed up - no moodiness, no cramping, no acne, no low energy.... just up and showed up. I thought maybe, just maybe, this could actually be the month. Don't we fucking deserve it?

Oh, and all those things that I usually get? Yeah, they hit - every single one of them about 3:00 this afternoon. Seriously, I went to the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror. My face looked like Blackhead Mountain or something - but this morning I was fine!

David's birthday is still tomorrow, and we're going to make the best of it. I've shown him his surprise. We're going to the Holiday Light's Festival Family Festival! Even though he has lived in Council Bluffs all of his life, he has never been to Durham Heritage Museum or Joslyn Art Museum. We can get into BOTH for free, plus tons of other places tomorrow from 12-5! He is really excited, so at least I can give him that.

We are also going to pick out a new Christmas tree (artificial) and run a few other errands.

David's mom's dog is doing well with the puppies. I should post pictures - they are getting so big! The biggest one weights 2 lbs 1 oz and the smallest weighs 1 lb 8 oz. We couldn't believe it! It's my job to find homes for 3 of them, and the mom is starting to wean a little early. So, I'm trying to teach Jeanne (MIL) how to feed them so that I don't have to come over as much during the week. These puppies are awesome and SO FLIPPING CUTE. I would take them all home if I didn't already have the 6-pack and if they didn't shed.

Maybe tomorrow I'll post their pics.

Considering my husband is snoring on the couch, I think it's probably time for the monsters to go to bed and for us to be close behind. And the first cycle of 2009 WILL be my BFP.

Momentum

So, I went to weigh-in tonight. I wanted to see the new program and find out about everything new. First off, they are making everything computerized so it's one simple thing that you carry with you.

The Momentum program is basically the best aspects of Flex and Core. I think I'm going to like it because it really touches on the emotional eating more than the Flex plan did. It also wants you to really listen and see if you're hungry, and if so, choose the foods that will keep you satisfied for longer.

Oh, and the last time I weighed in, I had gained 2 lbs. But, AF was paying her much-hated unwanted visit and I hadn't been listening to my body very well. I posted a "loss" of 1.6 lbs, putting me at .4 above where I was about 5 weeks ago. I've lost - and kept off - 48.4 lbs for 11 months! Now that I have new motivation and time to focus on myself instead of school, I can pound out the last 13.6 lbs!

The one thing I didn't like about the new computerized system: it basically says that tonight was my starting weight. It does not take into account the last 11 months of hard work and hard lessons. So, I hand wrote my starting weight at the top of my weight tracker, and where it said "0.00 lost," I wrote in parenthesis 48.4 because that's important to me. I worked my ass off for that and I'm not going to forget it just because their system got updated.

The end is in sight! I can do this - even with Christmas coming up! Keep an eye out for WW-friendly cookie recipes and other baking that I modify to make it healthier and use more "filling foods!"

Car Shopping 101

Well, David and I obviously had to do something about a second vehicle. Thank God we purchased GAP insurance when we bought the Equinox. We will end up free and clear, only owing $250 for the deductible.

Yesterday, David went to a couple lots and was getting a little frustrated. The place we bought the other two cars had something that he liked. But, when I saw it that night, I realized how close his head was to the ceiling ~ in another accident, his neck would be broken!

We went to a dealership in west Omaha that night. The salesman did NOT listen to what we were wanting. He convinced ME that we needed a 2009 Ford Focus because of all the safety issues. But, he wasn't listening to David. David had some serious concerns about a payment that would have been $75 more than we wanted to spend ($25 more than our absolute max). So, we walked away and said we would come back tonight. After they called David FOUR times throughout the day, and continued to frustrate him, he decided to go somewhere else.

David called me at 3:50 and said, "I want to go to CarMax." He had been yesterday and talked to a salesman, Tony, today. He was really excited about a car he test drove yesterday and he saw a couple new ones online today.

When we walked in, David told Tony he wanted to look through the computer again ~ he set our budget limit as the search and we started going through. He set it just a little bit higher, but as soon as David said, "I've seen 3 possibilities in our price range. I don't want to go higher," he stopped. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. He also asked about a van ~ David's response was "we already have one van, and I'm not ready for a high-profile vehicle after the accident." Tony said "okay, so only 4 door cars? That narrows it down a little more."

Seriously - when they say no-haggle pricing, they mean it! They price their vehicles to get customers the best deal. Their warranty is one of the best we've seen, and they really listen to their customers.

We were worried about the loan because the Equinox hasn't been paid off yet - still waiting for Insurance to do their thing - but 4 lenders came back with offers. We took the offer with a slightly higher interest rate and longer loan BUT under our "like to be" budget and FAR under our "absolutely no more" budget. So, we can pay extra every month and pay it off sooner.

So, here is David's car (well, one like it until I can get a pic in the daylight!):
A 2005 Ford Taurus in gray. I will get a pic of our car as soon as I can. He loves it, it rides really smooth, and it is safe.

YAY! Now we have a payment we can manage much, much better and get back on our feet much quicker!

David is alive

This morning, I got a phone call at 6:30 from a number I didn't recognize. I was just waking up, so I ignored it. The same number called at 7:00, and I again ignored it. I thought it was a co-teacher needing something and she'd leave a message. I'm getting ready to get into the shower, and David calls. So I answer it and I hear, "Amanda, this is Andrew from Carson Rescue." Um, what???? "David is okay. He was in an accident on the way to work and rolled his van." Oh FUCK. "We're on our way to Mercy. Can you meet us there?" So, in the course of 10 minutes, I got dressed, called my principal, another teacher, and my para. I called my dad to tell him what happened and to have him let the dogs out.

So, here is what I found out once I got to the hospital:
The weather was CRAP this morning. David left early because he wasn't too sure how the roads were. He was driving the highway he drives every time to work, following a semi. They were going about 35, but the semi was throwing alot of crap at him, so he slowed down to about 25. About 5 minutes later, he realized he was sliding and his passenger side was going East instead of his front end. He tried to correct it and ended up rolling the car at least 3 times. He was conscious the entire time during the roll but lost count and was praying as hard as he could. He didn't hit anything or anybody, which was very lucky, and he had his seat belt on.

Someone saw the accident from the top of the hill, called 911, and stopped to stay and keep him calm until the squad got there. It took the squad 15-20 minutes because of the roads. Plus, then it took 20 minutes to get him out. They were going to rip the top off, but he was starting to get hypothermic, so they put the neck brace on and let him walk out the front windshield.

At the hospital, they did a CT and Xrays of his head, neck, shoulders and chest. Amazingly, everything checked out fine. He was given tons of pain meds and has soon as he could handle a couple crackers and apple juice, he was released.

We had to go to his car in Walnut, IA (where they towed it) to get all of his stuff out. Obviously, it's completely totaled and our insurance is being really great. We have a rental car for about a week and are going to have to get a new car. But, at least we can get something with a lower payment! (Not the way we wanted to do it, but hey, it's a happy point!).

David is feeling pretty good - really sore and tired. He was actually joking about the fact that he had an oil change scheduled, had just filled the car up with gas, and that he needed to get to work. Yeah, that's my work-a-holic husband!

So, here are some pictures of the car. The top rack had fallen off, and some other stuff, too, so they stuck it inside the car. That's some of what you're seeing in the pics. And the air bags didn't deploy because it wasn't a front end collision, so the inside actually looks halfway decent (once we got all of David's shit out!).






















So, the moral of this story: ALWAYS wear your seat belt, ALWAYS get GAP insurance when you get a new car, ALWAYS tell your loved ones you love them, and NEVER go to bed mad.

A personal milestone!

I think I realized something today - I think I'm scared to lose more weight. Yeah, I set the challenge to get down another size. But, since I made that challenge.. I haven't been to the gym (Wii is good, but not like an hour on the elliptical!), I've been eating crap, and I've made no effort to get to a WW meeting.

All my life, I have been heavy. I'm finally getting compliments from people outside of my family about how pretty I am. What if I get "too" skinny? What if I turn into someone who is so driven by their weight that they can't enjoy a piece of pie or a glass of wine? What if I'm starving my body to turn myself into something I'm not?

David makes sure everyday that I know he loves me for who I am, for what I do. Yeah, he loves my body. But guess what? He loved my body 49 lbs ago. Being smaller hasn't changed the way he feels about me. I have more energy, and he's getting there, so now we do more than sit on the couch and watch TV. We try to walk the dogs at least once a week (doesn't always happen), and now we play Wii every night!

This morning, I had no food in my house. So, I stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. I asked David to bring me lunch. He was in a hurry, too, so what did he pick up? A BIG MAC. My stomach is killing me now - and he feels really bad! But, you know what? I didn't have to eat it. I could have gotten a salad from the cafeteria (not good tasting, but healthier!). Or, I could have done SOMETHING to make a better choice. But, no. I ate that big mac and the french fries WITH ranch dressing without batting an eye.

I need to get back on track. I don't know what I'm scared of - or if that's even what I'm doing - but I'm sabbotaging myself. I can lose the last 15 lbs and be healthy for our children, my husband, and most importantly: myself. I need to stop worrying about what other people say ("You look hot the way you are!" "If you lose anymore, you are going to disappear." etc...) and do it for me.

So, my milestone is that I've figured out that I'm sabbotaging myself. And my new challenge to myself: to break through that and continue being healthy for myself. Gym and WW meeting: Here I come!

First snow of the year!

I woke up this morning and there was a small blanket of snow on the ground. I LOVE snow - the pretty, fluffy, clean snow. I HATE the heavy, accident-causing snow (although I do love the Snow Day snow!).

Last year, Jazz didn't have much of a chance to see snow, so I thought it would be interesting to watch them. Of course, I took the camera. Allie hid under the deck after she did her business - she is not a fan of the snow - but everybody else loved it!


Chewy ate snow! It's sideways - Blogger won't rotate it for some reason.


Sam found her toy and beat it up, snow and all!


Max was sniffing around, trying to decide if the snow was "okay" or not.


Toby sniffing, then eating, the snow!


Jazz wondering around, trying to figure out if this is "her" yard still!

And with our business done, we can play:

Fun gift!

David and I decided that Christmas should come a little early. Thanksgiving night, he made a bunch of call-back time at work, so we decided to get the Wii that we've been dreaming about for a few weeks.

We both thought it was stupid, that we would never use it.... But, then the WiiFIT came out, and I thought what a great workout! We won't need to renew the gym membership in March if we get that and some other equipment in the basement!

Then, David played Guitar Hero at work yesterday afternoon. He told me that if I could find the Wii on sale that I could get it. Well, it took driving 1 1/2 hrs (and then stopping to see him at work), but I got it!!!!

I hooked it up tonight, and, man is that a workout! I played bowling (fun, but boring), tennis, and boxing. Super fun, and I definitely felt my heart rate increasing! I can't wait to get more games and keep working out! David comes home tomorrow, so I know we will get absolutely nothing done!

How's this for a random post?

We finally closed!

That's right - we've lived in the house for just over 2 months and we finally signed the paperwork tonight!

The good thing about all of this is that when the roof leaked, the owner fixed it. And when the septic tank needed some work, he split the cost with us. We're not having to move in 30 degree weather, and I can just sit back and relax now that it's done. Well, I do need to clean, but that's because I've been lazy, not because we just moved.

Here are some pics of the house, and here are a couple more:


Our living room. I'd love to get a bigger TV since we have the space now! And our Christmas tree is going in front of the bay window, much to the puppies' annoyance. I'd rather put it in the corner by th small window, but that's not what David wants. So, we'll see....


The kitchen - well part of it. There's more cabinet space and a big pantry to the left of the camera. It's a little smaller than most people would like, but with all the cabinet space, we can't complain!


The formal dining room. It's still empty and no curtains up. When we have kids, we're thinking about turning it into our office and then we have all 3 bedrooms as bedrooms.


Our eat-in kitchen with the table mom bought for us as a house warming gift. Now we have our wine cabinet in the corner by the sliding glass door.

More pics to come of the bedrooms after I clean! The house is officially ours! YAY!!!!!!

Meatloaf with Barley

It's been a while since I gave you all a new recipe! I made this meatloaf last night and served it with a baked sweet potato, steamed mixed veggies, and a glass of wine (only 3 points!). This meatloaf was super easy and really yummy!

Servings: 6
Preparation Time: 20 min
Cooking Time: 60 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients
2 tsp canola oil
1 medium green pepper, diced
1 small onion, diced
1 large egg, beaten
1 cup cooked barley, quick-cooking suggested
2/3 cups ketchup, divided
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp table salt
1/4 tsp black pepper, freshly ground
1/4 tsp dried oregano, crushed
20 oz lean ground turkey
2 sprays cooking spray

Instructions
** Preheat oven to 350 degrees

** Heat oil in large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add green pepper and onion; cook, stirring occasionally, until pepper is tender (about 7 minutes)
** Spoon vegetables into a large bowl; add egg, barley (cooked), 1/4 cup of ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, and oregano. Mix well.
** Crumble turkey into vegetable mixture; gently mix to combine (kneading will make the meatloaf tough).

**Coat a 9x5 inch loaf pan with cooking spray. Spoon turkey mixture into prepared pan in an even layer. Spread remaining ketchup over meatloaf. Bake until center of meatloaf is thoroughly cooked; 50-60 minutes.

** Remove meatloaf from oven and let stnd t room temperature for 10 minutes to absorb juices in pan.
** Slice into 6 pieces and serve.

For Weight Watchers People: POINTS® Value: 5

Personal Challenge

Now that I know I am graduating, I have given myself a personal challenge. Right now, I am in between a 14 and a 12 - closer to a 14, but the jeans I have are baggy. For graduation on December 19th, I want to be a solid size 12 - not a tight 12 - a good fitting, comfortable size 12.

When I graduated with my undergrad, I was going through a rough time. I hadn't met David yet, and I had packed on some pounds since High School. I'm far below where I was then, but I want to be lower. I want to be HOT. Even though nobody can see what I'm wearing underneath, I want to KNOW that the outfit I find for Graduation makes me look and feel great about myself and my accomplishments.

So, no more excuses. I have 1 month and 2 days to pull this goal off. I know I can do it ~ and I have motivation!

Chock Full of Veggies Chili

I have to write a review of this chili because it was SO awesome! My mom gave me the recipe, and now that it's a good "chili" night, I made it! David has an aversion to no meat though, so I added meat and a little cheese because that's healthier than sour cream! I can't wait for David to come home from work and try it!!!!! Super super yummy!

~ Ingredients ~
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 bell peppers - any color - chopped
1 1/2 cups chopped mushrooms
1 large onion, chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 15-oz cans pinto beans (with juices)
1 14.5 oz can no salt added diced tomatoes (with juices) ~~ We used diced tomatoes with chili peppers in it and it had salt, so I cut the other salt in half
(Optional - 2 lbs lean turkey) ~ We used 1 lb lean turkey and 1 lb lean beef because I forgot to get a second pack of turkey so had to use what I had!

~ Directions ~
In large saucepan, heat oil over medium heat. Add peppers, mushrooms, onion, celery, and garlic. Cook, stirring often, until veggies begin to soften (about 7 minutes). Add chili powder, oregano, cumin, and salt. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes.

Add beans and tomatoes with their juices (and meat if you use it). Bring to a gentle simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, until chili is fragrant and slightly thickened (25-30 minutes). Serve warm. (I threw a little low-fat cheese on the top)

The original recipe makes 4 2cup servings. With the meat added, 1/2 a cup filled me up, plus added to the bulk, so it can feed more than 4!

~ Nutritional Facts ~
Per 2-cup serving (no meat): 229 calories, 5 g fat, 0.5 g saturated fat, 11 grams protein, 35 g carbohydrate, 12 g fiber, 501 mg sodium

Comp Results are in.....

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!

I had a really shitty day today, so I thought I would check to see if they were up yet. Granted, I knew one of the instructors hadn't even started reading as of Wednesday, so I wasn't expecting much. But, they were in!

I got really good comments on all 3 - good connections, adaptations, community involvement..... everything was great!

So, this week, I'm officially going to go order my cap and gown. I wanted to wait to make sure because the deadline to receive a refund was BEFORE the day I was expecting my comps back, but the deadline to ORDER was after. So, I was just playing it safe so I didn't waste $75 and not get to graduate until May!

Graduation is December 19th (yes, a Friday). I already have a Personal Day approved (it's the last day before Winter Break), so I'm set there also! David made sure he requested the day of and the day after off also so that he can throw me a party! I'll have to work on Saturday since it's the Saturday before Christmas, but we'll either have the party Friday night or Saturday night after work. SO excited!!!

Thanks for all the prayers! Now I have one thing checked off my list ~ wonder what will be next!

Thanksgiving Dinner

A little early.... but we had David's family over for dinner. Matt, my Brother-in-law, is being stationed in New York in a couple weeks, so we had to do dinner early. It was originally supposed to be a "mom will do everything" dinner, but it turned into we did 90% of it. She bought everything, but we cooked it all.

But, here are some random pictures:
One year, my sister taught me how to brine my turkey. Basically, you soak it overnight in a bunch of stuff. The mixture was a little bit of salt (rubbed on the turkey), 2 oranges and 2 lemons cut in wedges, 1 onion cut in wedges, and whatever herbs I wanted to use (I think it was thyme, rosemary, sage, and basil). Oh, and lots of water. It sits in the bag overnight:



When it's time to cook, I do a little extra than most people. I put (clean) herbs all over the turkey - my dad says it looks like I'm camoflauging it! Plus, I squeeze some of the oranges and lemons over it to add a little juice. 3 sticks of unsweetened butter and boxed stuffing and you get:



Our 3-year old and 6 month old nephews were over as well. Dominic came over early - with Grandma - and played with puppies the whole time. They LOVED it! Jazz was the only one not too sure, but she was fine until he tried to pick her up. When the baby got here, Chewy thought he was pretty cool. Nicky didn't like it when Chewy left though, and started crying. Nobody could calm him down, but when Chewy went back over to him, he started smiling!

After everybody left, here's what the dogs were doing:

Jazz and Max were snuggling - Max is really hard to see behind Jazzy's big head!


Chewy was PASSED OUT in the office!

We all survived dinner. We had lots of yummy food and some really good wine from James Arthur Vineyard! We had Two Brothers, Snowy Egret, and Traminette (all 3 semi-sweet whites ~ so yummy!).

They get it!

Last night, we worked on training again with the puppies. They are all doing a really good job and will even sit without getting a treat. Max is doing "okay" with laying down - he doesn't like to be all the way on the floor, but gets most of the way down so we give it to him. I think it's because he's fairly dominant, and if he lays all the way down, someone might attack him? (Even though nobody else is inside at the time!). Toby loves to walk! But, now, he won't sit if he sees I have a treat. He starts walking right away instead of sitting first. Dork.

We're practicing again tonight and David said he would videotape with my camera, or at least take pics!

Ever have one of those days...

Where it seems like nothing goes right?

The kids were crazy at school. My para is upset with me because she chose to not come in until 11:00 yesterday because voting was more important. Okay, fine, whatever. BUT, when you call the office and say "I'll be a little late," they tend to notice when you walk in 2 1/2 hrs after you are supposed to be there! So, somehow that is my fault.

Class was good. We got out early.

But, then I came home and just got into a funk. My friend who is pregnant is having a tough time. She is really scared and doesn't think she can talk about stuff when her boyfriend is around (gee, a sign maybe??). And that just makes me want to scream even more!

I watched my shows - finally caught up on everything - but now I just don't feel like going to bed. I got pissy with David because he kept talking to his partner at work when he was on the phone with me. How stupid is that? He's at work - duh!

I don't want to go to bed. I hate sleeping alone. I miss David. I hate when he's gone for so many days. I haven't been sleeping very well - too much stress probably. I'm just in another funk, and frankly, I'm sick of it. When do WE get to be happy, To not live paycheck to paycheck, to see each other like "normal" married couples, to not have to work multiple jobs, to have a BABY????????????

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready to be a mom. Will my moods affect my baby when I'm pregnant? How about after he/she is born? Can I sacrifice the luxuries we do give ourselves if it is for our baby? Do I even deserve a baby? Maybe that's what God is telling us. We can't get pregnant because we don't deserve it. I told my friend tonight that God has plans and we don't always understand them. I swear sometimes I need to listen to my own advice. But I want to know, damn it. It's not fair that He is keeping these things away from me. Why are some of the parents of my students so much younger than me? 2 years ago, one of the parents was remembered by the secretary as being in the 5th grade - the secretary has only been there for 8 years. Do the math. Why did SHE get to have a baby, and I don't? Why do the parents who show up high or can't keep their pants up because they think it's "cool" to show off their ass crack get to have babies - multiple babies - and then make ME, as a tax payer, pay for them to raise that child? And I don't even get ONE baby that WE DESERVE, that will be loved and we will ALWAYS do what is best for that baby.

I need a drink. Bad. Thanks for letting me rant/ramble/vent.... whatever it is. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.... right?

Night One of Dog Training!

Sorry, no pics or video. My camera was in my purse and David didn't want to get it.

So, each dog was seperated while the rest went outside.
~ Chewy went first. He did pretty well once he calmed down. I got him to sit one time without giving him a treat!
~ Allie was next. She was so excited! She is a very good dancer, but not that great of a sitter. She walked about 6 feet on her hind legs before I gave her a treat. Then, we started the "sit" word. She kind of got it. Not too bad.
~ Jazz went next because she was the only one I could get to stay inside. I didn't think she would do very well, but actually did awesome! And at bedtime, she was the first one to sit to get her treat!
~ Sam went next and did good too. The whole time, she was wagging her tail, even when she was sitting.
~ I asked David what to do with Toby because he can sit and lay down already. He wants him to walk. Toby did pretty well ~ better when his paws could touch my hand, which David agreed would be a "passing grade" on Test Day!
~ Max has to lay down because he already sits. He also handled the challenge well. He flops out like a big bear rug, and he's so furry that we both just laughed!

If I have time to work with them tonight, I will try to get pics. And when David is home this weekend I will have him do video of the most entertaining.

The Challenge

I'm weird. I'm a huge dog lover (duh!), and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the show It's Me or the Dog. So, David and I were watching it last week and he says "We need to call her and get her to train the dogs." Our dogs are NOT that badly behaved. Yeah, they bark, but what dog doesn't? The biggest thing is they are all puppies (under 2) and Toby and Max are the only two that I ever trained. So, David challenged me that I can't have them all sitting and laying down by January 1st. I upped it to they will sit, lay down, and not attack the door & people when we have visitors. And the trainer on my show will help me do it! I watch it every week and get tons of different ideas ~ she doesn't train any dog the same, soyou see different techniques. Think I can do it?

In other news... I just found out a friend of mine is pregnant. I am so happy for her! But, it hurts. She has been dating her boyfriend for about a year now. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to marry him, and definitely wasn't ready for a baby - in HER words. And now, she's pregnant. I am so excited for her, but at the same time, it kills me. Why can't we have a baby? We're married, stabilized (for the most party), and WANT a baby. Why her and not me?

It's not like I don't think people shouldn't get pregnant since I can't. But it doesn't seem fair. And that's really selfish of me. David and I are going back and forth on when we want to try to do an IUI. December? January? Or wait 6 months? We don't WANT to wait, but would that be best for the baby? I hate not having control of what's going to happen. I hate wanting and not having, wondering and guessing what will be best. And if we don't do it, was that right? If we do do it, was that right?

AHHH! Okay, enough of the rambles. Off to work I go.

2 posts in one day!

I haven't done this in a long time ~ it's a new record! But, I have to show you pictures from Mismatched Day at school. This week is Red Ribbon Week ~ remember the anti-drug campaign we always did in school? Yeah, the still do it... But, we get the joy, as teachers, of dressing casual and a little goofy!

Monday was a regular day, Tuesday was Jersey Day (favorite sports team), Wednesday was our fall festival so we wore our school polos, today is Mismatched Day, and tomorrow is Orange/Black day (schools don't celebrate Halloween much anymore).

So, here I am, in all my dorky glory:



Oh, and I have on one Winnie the Pooh sock and one Tigger sock with my capris. But, the best thing: I'm COMFORTABLE! This top is one of my favorite tops, but I don't wear it very often because it "feels" casual. It's so soft and "a little" baggy (perfect!) - not too big, but nowhere close to form fitting.

Now the question: Should I fix my hair before I go to class tonight?

The Importance Of Walking

In honor of me sitting on my ASS this week, NOT making healthy choices, and avoiding Weigh-In tonight.... The school secretary emailed this to us, and I liked it, so here it is:

Importance of Walking

    Walking can add minutes to your life.
    This enables you at 85 years old
    To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
    Home at $7000 per month.

     My grandpa started walking
     Five miles a day when he was 60..
     Now he's 97 years old
     And we don't know where he is.
     
     I like long walks,
     Especially when they are taken
     By people who annoy me.
     
     The only reason I would take up walking
     Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
     
     I have to walk early in the morning,
     Before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
     
     I joined a health club last year,
     Spent about 400 bucks.
     Haven't lost a pound.
     Apparently you have to go there.
   
     Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
     I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
     
     I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

     The advantage of exercising every day
     Is so when you die, they'll say,
     'Wow, he looks good doesn't he!'
     
     If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
     Start with a small country.
     
     I know I got a lot of exercise
     The last few years,......
     Just getting over the hill.
 
    We all get heavier as we get older,
     Because there's a lot more information in our heads.
     That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
     
     AND

     Every time I start thinking too much
     About how I look,
     I just find a Happy Hour
     And by the time I leave,
     I look just fine.

Check in!

Well, I turned my comps in last night. That headache is over. Now, I just wait for the answer. If I don't pass all 3 questions, I don't graduate in December. If I do pass, then I graduate. There are 3 readers for each question ~ all are professors at the University, but they don't tell us who they are. Very scary.

David and I went to Kansas City this weekend to see my mom. She bought tickets to Lion King ~ the Broadway version. I have a couple pics on my camera that I will share later. You aren't supposed to take pictures, and David said that a red light showed from the front of my camera, even with the flash off, so I stopped. Very, very, very cool! It was so life-like, I couldn't get enough of it. David thought it was going to be stupid, but he fell asleep last night STILL talking about it!

We should find out in a couple days about the house closing. We had to switch banks (the other one was taken over), so the Underwriting process started again. It only takes 2-3 days though, so we should know by Friday. Then we can close next week! It came back first time "approval pending conditions." Basically, they wanted to know what our budget looks like ~ that we can afford it ~ and questioned a little bit of David's employment (someone wrote down a date wrong, so it looked like there was a gap).

I guess that's about it. I will go to weigh-in Thursday night, and will hopefully post a loss. Not sure though because this weekend was full of bad food choices. But, maybe I can hit the gym tonight and Wednesday night.

Bummer...

Well, weigh-in was Thursday. I gained 2 lbs. But, I was half expecting it. I've noticed that I'm letting myself go back to my old ways ~ part of the stress/emotional eating that I do. But, David and I are both trying hard to stay on plan! He lost 4 lbs this week!

I think I've decided that I have the best husband in the world. No, he's not perfect, but he does his best to make me happy and to make my life easier. On Thursday, when he could have been resting before working a 4-day stretch at the hospital, he cooked 3 meals for me: Chicken strips, Sloppy Joes, and Chimichangas! These are my all-time favorite WW recipes! He took what he needed for 4 days, but left me the majority of the food. Why? "Because I want you to focus on your comps, not cooking." How sweet!!!!

I'm about to actually put onto paper what my thoughts and research are for the first of my 3 comp questions. It scares me. What if I don't do it right? What if I misinterpret the question, or don't answer it "clearly and concisely" enough? If I don't pass all 3, I don't graduate. But, no pressure, right? EEK!

Random Update

Well, it's been a couple weeks, so I thought I'd throw an update up ~ Enjoy!

* I went and worked out last night! I realized how out of shape I've let myself get. Before my surgery, I could do 45 minutes on the Elliptical and then a bunch of situps on the ab machine. Granted, I was tired, but I could do it without feeling like I was going to die. Last night, I made it 20 minutes, and no abs. I should have tried abs, but the pain by my incision was starting to hurt a little bit, so I figured I didn't want to push it. But, man, was I tired! David and I are going tonight ~ I'm hoping to push it to 30 minutes.

* We are going to Weigh-In tomorrow night. I don't know how much I will have lost ~ I've been more cautious about what I'm eating, and last week I watched my points really close.... But, I know I'm not OVER-EATING, so hopefully I will have lost something. If I lose 1 lb, I will be at 50 lbs lost!!!

* Fiber One has come out with new stuff: pancake mix and pop-tarts! David went shopping today and was going to look for them! He's also cooking and cleaning for me today so that I can focus on my comps for the next week.

* My graduate project - the comps - is due in less than 2 weeks. It's 3 essays, 5-7 pages EACH with at least 5 professional resources on each one. Doesn't "sound" hard, but there is so much I have to cram into each question, it's overwhelming. Plus, report cards are due Friday and conferences are next week.

* My mood has finally settled down. The Lexapro has kicked in and I'm starting to sleep a little better, but not like before. Maybe I'm just catching up? I haven't had to take any Adavan for about a week, so I'm pretty happy about that!

* Our loan on the house has FINALLY been approved. Now, we are just waiting for the money to show up from the bank so we can close.

* I'm finally getting "Ok" about waiting to have a baby. We are going to decide what to do in December. We may wait a few more months and get some more bills paid off. But, I'm okay with waiting. I know we will have a baby when God wants us too.

Made it to a meeting!

So, I finally made it back to a meeting. The bad thing is... the leader that I love so much left this time (she only does one meeting at this location now). David and I go to Leah's meetings on Wednesday evenings when we can. But, with my classes, I can't go. So, I tried the new leader. Definitely not impressed. But, the accountability is there and that's what matters. When Leah left, they also changed the time from 5:15 to 5:45. Only 2 of the "original" group were still there. It was really sad.

But, anyways.... I lost 4.4 lbs since the last time I weighed (about a month ago)! With what the Dr. wants me at, I have 12.8 (so we'll call it 13) lbs to lose!!! Very excited about that! David and I set goals for ourselves last night. When I lose 2 1/2 lbs, I get a pedicure, and then when I hit my Lifetime, David is taking me to Castle Unicorn for the night! His closest goals are: 13 lbs, new clothes (I wish he'd let me get them for him sooner!), and then 50 lbs, Weekend Getaway.

Also, WW has come out with some new stuff... They now have pasta/rice sides. They were only $3, so I got the chicken one:

I used the recipe on the back and added steamed broccoli and grilled chicken. It was good! I think next time, I'll throw a little cheese on or maybe marinate the chicken for a while before grilling it. But, it was a really easy meal, and that's what I needed tonight.

Feeling better!

Okay, so first off ~ sorry about the last blog. Things just pile up and then I blow up. But, things are getting better!

I had a migraine last night (which wasn't the good thing), and continued in to today. So, I stayed home from work (I was up all night, all but puking most of the night). David made me go to the DR thinking that it was from all the stress. She changed my meds a little ~ upped my Lexapro and gave me Adavan for a more "fast acting" response to anxiety attacks. It's a really low dose, so we'll see what happens. I took one today to see if it would knock me out, and I stayed awake (I was already exhausted, so this is a good sign!) and continued to function.... If I'm still waking up extremely tired in the mornings in 2 weeks, we will play with my sleeping pill.

Oh, and I asked her about WW ~ what did she want my goal to be? According to WW healthy guidelines (medically based), I should be between 157-187. Considering I started at 252, that number really scared me. Will I be able to maintain it? So, DR wants me to shoot for 190. If I stall out, or have trouble maintaining it, she said 200 is okay, but 190 is better. She did say if I could go lower, that's great, but she doesn't want to see me starving myself every day to stay at that lower weight. She wants me to be happy with my lifestyle!

We have officially put Baby-Making on hold until January. Adavan is not safe for pregnancy, so David and I had to make the choice. Right now, I'm not emotionally ready for a baby, at least with all of this stress. So, in January, we will reevaluate. It's only a few months away, so David is going to keep taking the Clomid and do his test in early December. That way, if we decide we're ready, we can try IUI my first cycle after graduation!

The house is getting put together. With all the market ups and downs, there were some internal things that the mortgage company didn't even know about. That's what has taken so long. So, now we've got things figured out and should close on Friday. David is working Thursday through Sunday though. So, the notary and I are taking a road trip Friday afternoon (after work) so we can get everything signed! I told the company tonight that whoever can go with me will get dinner ~ yes, I'm willing to bribe to get this done!!!! And with the market the way it is, we REALLY don't want to have to wait until Monday, when David will be home again.

So, things are looking up. I still have pictures of the house to show you. Picture Day is Tuesday, so I'm hoping to get a new top that fits ~ which means updated Weight Loss pic, too.

Thanks to all my Blog Buddies who, without even knowing it, have gotten me through a rough month. This is my place to vent sometimes, and reading your blogs are inspiring!

Now to bed.........

Me Time

*Disclaimer: This may be one of the more depressing "reports" I've had for a while. Don't read it if you plan on judging me for my feelings.*

Life has been CRAZY the last month or so. We got the house and moved in. But, we have yet to close. We've been here for 3 weeks now. He keeps saying "we should get the approval tomorrow" or "oh, they need updated pay stubs," and "now it came back and we just have one more step before the approval." When the FUCK is the damn approval coming? Because, seriously, this is getting old. The owner/realtor/mortgage broker says "I know we'll close. Don't worry." Seriously? I'm living in YOUR house, trying to make it MY HOME. How am I supposed to not worry?

Then, we find out the septic tank ~ reminder, we live in the county, not the city, so no sewer line ~ hasn't been inspected or drained in 4 years. Supposedly, the inspector "checked" it, but obviously not. So, we paid for it to be cleaned, the owner paid for some repair. But, then, they find a second tank with no lid/riser (I guess this is a bad thing?). They go in to fix that, and find that the 2nd tank has 2 compartments - tack on more money. Luckily, we haven't closed yet, so the owner is splitting it. But, still. Lots of flipping money we weren't expecting.

David is working ~ I love him for what he does ~ but damn, I miss him. We're having friends over tomorrow night, which will be so much fun. But, at the same time, I'm stressed. What if they don't like the house? Is it clean enough? Will we have enough food/alcohol? The list goes on....

So, I'm trying to clean, and the dogs are helping me out, oh so much. They decided to get into some mail (not sure where from) and destroy it in the living room while I cleaned our bedroom and worked on the office.

I've been stressed anyways. I hurt my toe at work yesterday. I had a really heavy workload for class this week, and now I'm behind for my reading. I get my Comp questions on Monday ~ this decides whether or not I graduate in December, but no pressure, right?

Wednesday, my 16 year old nephew was almost killed. He fell on a set of antlers that my mother in law is stupid enough to keep as a "souvenier" from a car accident (obviously car vs. deer) about 5 years ago. The antler barely missed his spine. Luckily, David's dad was smart enough to call David before he pulled the damn thing out. David obviously said "don't," and happened to be at our old house, so less than 5 minutes away. They took him to the hospital, and he came home a few hours later. He's fine, but obviously in pain. Very scary. And now my mother in law thinks that we need to feel sorry for HER because SHE feels bad it happened. Um, no. I'll feel sorry for my nephew, but you're the dumbass to keep the damn things laying around on the floor when there are other young children in the house who might not be so lucky!

I haven't been to a WW meeting in 2 weeks. We've been too busy, and I haven't been able to squeeze it in. And I'm going back to my old habits ~ emotional eating. I've done really good managing this. I allow myself the extras to keep from binging... but, this week, it seems like I've forgotten all that I have learned! I had 2 doughnuts and 2 glasses of juice for breakfast, 3 slices of pizza and salad for lunch (at least I had salad), and then some frozen shit out of the box for dinner. Oh, and 3 drinks because I "needed" them. What am I doing to myself? I LOVE the way I'm looking these days ~ and people notice, and I feel healthy! ~ but at the first sign of stress, I go back to the OLD ME.

I want a baby. So. Fucking. Bad. It hurts. It's killing me. We thought maybe next month, but now with everything going on... My period started yesterday (to add to the stress, now I have hormones). Last night in my child abuse class, we talked about increased risk of physical abuse/neglect. Mothers with emotional "disease" was one of them. I'm on medicine for my anxiety. Am I destined to hurt my baby that I want SO FUCKING BAD????? This scares me so bad. But, I go off the medicine, and I'm a completely different person. And not in a good way.

So, I called my dr's office. This anxiety attack is really bad. I haven't had one like this in a long time ~ I mean, hell, I'm venting to you on an internet site. I know some people will think that I'm this horrible person and that David deserves better than me (refer to previous blog about being in high school), but I don't care anymore. I'm waiting for the nurse to call me back ~ maybe I can take an extra pill tonight.

*Second Disclaimer ~ I did NOT go back and proof this, and just ranted off a whole lot of feelings. Thanks for being the sounding board. I promise next post will be better!*

Recipe Review

Well, I was going to post this really yummy recipe I make, but then I looked back and saw I had already posted about it: Overnight Scrambled Egg Bake.

I was talking to a coworker a few days ago and said "I have treats on Friday." She goes, "You HAVE to make the casserole you made last year!" I know it's yummy, and it's really easy also, but I didn't think it was THAT good! But, in looking at the work room this afternoon, there is one piece of the one with ham and 1/2 a piece of the one with sausage. Obviously, they liked it!

And since I'm on a MAC, and I can't actually link stuff right now (and I'll forget), I'm reposting it for you now:
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 10 min
Cooking Time: 60 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients
16 oz fat-free egg substitute
12 oz fat-free evaporated milk
6 slice white bread, or potato bread (Or you could probably use wheat and make it a little healthier yet)
6 oz extra-lean ham (I also did one with Turkey Sausage, and doubled the sausage. I also cooked and drained it before putting it in the casserole)
1 cup low-fat shredded cheddar cheese

Instructions
** Coat a 9x13 inch baking pan with cooking spray
** Beat eggs well and add milk
** Place bread on bottom of baking pan.
** Toss ham and cheese over bread. (If you do turkey sausage, cook, drain and cool before putting it over the bread)
** Pour egg mixture over top.
** Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.

** Bake covered egg mixture at 350 for 45 minutes. Remove foil and bake for an additional 15 minutes.

For Weight Watchers People: POINTS® Value: 7 (I'm not exactly sure what the points would be for the doubled turkey; probably not much different though)

Randomness...

It's been about a week, so I figured I'd give you all the updates, however boring they may be.

1. Still haven't closed on the house. Getting there, but we have to be patient. At least the owner let us move in!

2. Mom was up this weekend with her 2 dogs. We actually got all the dogs to sit on the couch together ~ once I have a copy I'll show you. It looked cute, so we'll see. Mom helped us unpack the kitchen and bought us a table for a housewarming present. It looks awesome in the kitchen area.

3. I found my camera. Can't find the computer cord. Will hopefully find it tonight when I try to finish unpacking the office. Then you get pictures (which I have taken!).

4. Still having some pain from surgery. Went to see the surgeon yesterday. Dr. Scott said everything feels fine, and some pain is still "okay."

5. We were hoping to talk to the OBGYN about doing an IUI next month, but with everything else going on, we are postponing yet another month. We keep praying for the miracle, but with David working so far away and for so many days in a row, it's not likely to happen.

6. Haven't been to Weight Watchers for a couple weeks. Still watching what I eat and exercising (well, if moving is exercising). Haven't been to the gym because of the distance and pain (see #4). I'll go next Thursday and see how I've done on my own.

I guess that's about it. Things are so up in the air, and I'm trying to remain calm and just have faith. David inspires me everyday ~ he takes it all in stride and doesn't let it get to him. I don't know where I would be without him in my life.

Moved in!

Well, I was hoping to have more pictures... but someone put my camera in a box (it was on the desk), so I need to find it.

But, we did get most things moved. Still have the kitchen and bathroom to do, but we're getting there! And we got the majority of the fence up last night. Last few panels will go on tonight, and then the dogs can move to their new home. Oh, and I got curtains and a trashcan with a lid (so Allie can't get into trouble).

I slept there last night ~ it was kind of weird being in a big house by myself, but it was WONDERFUL!!!!! One of these nights David will have off and he will get to sleep there too (I think maybe Saturday?).

So, I will hopefully find my camera and take pictures tonight. No internet at home until Wednesday though, so you have to wait until then for the pics. Sorry! The mac at work doesn't download pictures to the internet right. :-(