As you all know, I've been working my butt off to get my weight back to 190. Well, first, I wanted to get down to 185. But, I was realizing that I was having to starve myself and to get there without working out. And with my knee, I can't workout like I did when I got to 185.
So, my goal is 190. For the last 9 days, I've been writing down my weight instead of just weighing myself. I found out that I am averaging at 195. The days I work out and eat great, I go down a little. The days I eat good and don't work out, I go up a little. The days I don't eat good (even just a doughnut!), I'm up alot! But, averaging... I'm at 195.
Here's the problem though. I like the number 190. My doctor likes the number 190. Weight Watchers accepts the number 190. But my body? Does IT like 190? Or does it like 195?
My clothes fit fine at 195, I look fine in the mirror. But is a number really all that important? What does the number mean? Is that number WORTH having to workout 5-6 days a week? Is that number WORTH not being able to have a doughnut, bagel, or pizza night with my husband?
I'm going to keep trying for the 190. I WANT the 190. I'm going to record my weight every day for the month - write it down, not just keep it in my head - and average it. If I see that I can get down to 190 and stay there, great! If not, I will start accepting 195. Because of the cruise, I will also keep written track in April and see what happens.
I'm not writing down what I eat anymore - I know i SHOULD. But, that's another one of those 'worth it' things - Is it WORTH writing down every single bite for the rest of my life JUST for a number? But, I know when enough is enough. If I start to binge or stress eat, I write it down until things get better. But, for the long term? I just don't know right now if it's WORTH it just for a number.
And if you made it all the way through this, way to go! And give me your thoughts - is it all worth it for a number? Or just how you feel?
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2 comments:
I think the effort is worth the number when you're in a circumstance like me and at an unhealthy weight. Once within a healthy range, I think it turned to if your body fits you.
You doing an amazing job staying determined, regardless of physical therapy, etc. that you've had to go through. You're an inspiration!!!
I think this is something we all think about. In the beginning we pick a number to have something to work towards so then we feel like we have to get to that number or below. I hope that whenever I'm closer to my goal, I can change my mindset to judging by how my clothing fit and not the number on the scale. But I think that might be easier said than done.
If you want, here's a link to a youtube video where the person talks about this subject:
http://www.youtube.com/user/antishay?blend=1&ob=4#p/a/u/0/P7gHXDepL1c
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