Happy Thanksgiving!

We have so much to be thankful for this year, and I hope you all feel the same way!

*I'm 10 weeks pregnant today! We were released from the specialist yesterday, and our first appointment with the OB is 12/8!

*David hurt his arm the other night. I am SO thankful that it isn't broken - we were very concerned for a while about that, but he's okay!

*We both have stable jobs - David is changing shifts at one job and cutting hours back at the other. He will be home so much more now!

*We are celebrating the day with our family - David's family and my dad. We are so blessed to have everybody home and healthy this year.

This is just a start to the list.... I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving! Give your loved ones an extra hug or two, and enjoy your blessings!

We're having a baby!

That's right! You read that right! I'm pregnant!!!!!!!

I sit here today, 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I've already had one ultrasound:


This was at 6 weeks. One little bean, with a heart beat! We couldn't get a count because if I moved, we would lose the angle. But, the tech said it looked great. And if there was a concern, I would have had to go back sooner... as it stands, we go in for the 8 wk ultrasound on Wednesday morning!

I'm having alot of problems with nausea, but no puking! Complete exhaustion and the smell sense of a dog are also making things difficult. Here's the blog, dedicated to our baby, symptoms and all: http://ourtimeforbaby.blogspot.com/2010/11/background-story.html. Hope you feel like joining me!

Time to turn around

Is anybody out there??? I promise I've been reading everybody's blogs. Just nothing too exciting to write about. But now...

Yet again... I feel like I'm always posting this. The whole maintenance thing has yet to sink in. My weight is back up to 220. I've gained 30 lbs in a year, and I'm only 32 lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest.

David and I have done 2 rounds of IUI with our fertility specialist. She "thinks" he has enough sperm that we might get pregnant on our "own." If this doesn't work, we move to IVF.

Last week, when I tried to put my jeans on, they were so tight I couldn't get them buttoned. I texted David immediately and said, "If I'm not pregnant, I need to go back to Weight Watchers." Well, unless my body is just playing a trick on me, I am not pregnant.

I got a new phone today - the Mo.ment from Sam.sung. I download the app for SparkPeople and made myself an account. Right now, I don't have the money to go back to WW - we have trees that need cut down and another round of fertility payments coming up - or the time. So, Spark People is free, so I'm gonna try it! I have it on the first page - I can add every single thing I put in my mouth, track my water intake, my exercise... everything!

So, my goal is to lose the 30 lbs by December 1. Hopefully, I'll get pregnant before that goal happens, but I need an end date - a reachable, accountable goal. I WILL get healthy again. My goal is to get 10 minutes of cardio every day. Doesn't seem like much, does it? But, for me, at this point, that's alot. So, I'll get healthy.....

And I WILL get pregnant.

Hello! I'm here!

I can't believe I haven't blogged for a month! I guess that shows you how busy we've been... Nothing too exciting, just working....

But, David and I made the decision to start the fertility treatments. Yeah, it's expensive but we want our baby. Last month, we did an unmedicated IUI, but didn't get pregnant. This month, I took 50 mg of Cl.omid. We're waiting for the positive OPK, and then we'll do another IUI. Hopefully this one works!

My weight has also continued to go up. I'm trying to make better food choices and get back to the gym. But I've been busy and lazy. I need to - I need to get healthy again. We signed up for the Race for the Cure in October, so I need to be able to walk it!!!

Oh, and the most exciting thing: I got a tattoo last night!

The Kokopelli turtle stands for so many things... It stands for fertility, wisdom, and strength. I feel like David and I's struggles with infertility have made us wiser and stronger. And this little guy is going to be my good luck charm! My little Kokopelli turtle is going to put my baby on his back and carry him to me!

Picture Frames

Warning: this may be a very depressing yet hopeful fertility-related post!

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A friend of mine let me borrow a book recently... I read it in 2 nights. It was amazing, sad, hopeful... everything!

The Empty Picture Frame by Jenna Currier Nadeau. She writes, with her husband's "contributions" about their struggle with infertility. Their "problem" was her. Not male infertility like David and I struggle with.. but I think any "infertile" has the same feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams, and nightmares. If you struggle with infertility, or know anybody who does, you need to read this book. NOW.

One thing I got out of this book... Journal. I'm going to start blogging more so that I can share with our babies -- however many we can be blessed with -- the struggles. And show them how loved they are before they've even implanted themselves into me!

So, tonight, I went to David's mom's house. They just moved back to town and she's so happy that she has her house set up. She's been telling me how she has the "family wall" and the "Day and Panda wall" (our nicknames) and the "Matt and Tina and kids wall". So, I knew there were going to be many pictures hanging up.. Big deal, right?

Matt is David's brother and he and his wife have been blessed with 3 beautiful children. They are all under 4 and none were exactly planned. When their oldest was less than a week old, they were both able to sleep through his cries. when he was 2 weeks old, she started propping his bottle at night so that she could sleep with fewer interruptions. His first ear infection... David's mom let the baby sleep in her room because "I can just tell they are exhausted." WTF? They are parents now! They need to raise their children -- not stay up until 3:00 in the morning, drinking, smoking, and partying. Their second child? The first child got to stay in mother in law's room permanently. Because heaven forbid she actually raise her kids. They are both addicted to the tv - at less than 4 yrs old, they can both sit through an entire 90 minute movie. And the movies they watch? Scary movies -- like movies that scare ME. Granted, I scare easily. But some of these movies scare David! The oldest can say "Cover your eyes Manna, this part is scary and the monsters are coming." Seriously???? The youngest is about to be 7 months old and JUST started rolling over. Why? Because she was never anywhere but her bouncy-seat or car seat. Again, propped bottles and TV babysitting. She doesn't need rocked to fall asleep -- she needs the TV on.

So, back to the picture frames... Their "wall" is right above the TV. So, of course, as I'm watching a show with everybody, I get to look at their faces -- their happy family pictures - tons of them. A family pic from when the first and second were born, and a couple pictures of the new baby (David's brother is in Iraq right now so no family pictures yet). But you know what I noticed? They were not smiling! The kids were laughing and obviously having a good time. But their parents? They looked miserable.

How can you be blessed with beautiful children and NOT be happy???? So, I got to stew about this for 2 hours before I finally gave up. I made an excuse to head home, and left... I'm bitter, I'm angry. Why can THEY have 3 children -- they got married while she was pregnant with their first -- and David and I don't have one? Neither has been able to hold a stable job until he joined the military. David's brother never graduated high school. His wife did and her "college" was one that you hear on the radio - "I completed my program in 9 short months and I am the happiest I've ever been!" Guess what? She couldn't handle it. She dropped out after her second class.

I have lots of picture frames around the house... On one wall, I have a couple wedding pictures hung. For Christmas, I made a collage of family pics that we had done back in September. In another spot, I have the picture that my mom gave us for Christmas a few years ago with our dogs and her 2. Oh, and in the kitchen I have a picture of a bottle of wine with a glass -- a memory from one of our wine weekends.

And in the closet, hiding... I have empty frames. Those frames will have pictures of babies -- our babies. But when? My heart breaks everytime David's mom mentions my sister in law or the kids. I want to cry. They need to be loved. They need to be cared for.

Now, for the happy part of the post! On Thursday, we meet with the RE! I've heard good things about Dr. O, and I'm very excited - but scared - to see what she has to say.

#1 - I want my progesterone checked. I just have this deep down gut feeling that mine is off. My luteal phase is short, and my mom's was low. Also, my grandma had multiple miscarriages -- back then, they didn't test things like this. But, with mom's history, chances are, grandma had low progesterone also.

#2 - We are going for an IUI in July. David's numbers aren't much better, so we are going with donor sperm. (And I only tell you, my followers, because only a handful of you know me in real life, and if you do, I trust you enough to keep our "secret") We can't afford the IVF w/ ICSI (sperm injection), so we're going to try this... and pray.

So, I'm scared, frustrated, sad, and hopeful... all at once. I'm not scared to be a mom or to be pregnant. I'm scared to GET pregnant, and I'm scared to STAY pregnant. I'm frustrated that people all around us get pregnant and didn't even WANT another baby. (I had one former student's pregnant mom say to me, "You jinxed me by asking when I'd have another one. Every time I look down, I think about you." I hope she was joking, but damn, that hurt!) I'm sad that David and I are going on Year 3 of trying to have a baby and still don't have one. But, I'm hopeful... I'm hopeful that this will all change. I'm hopeful that I will be a mom. And I'm hopeful that this appointment on Thursday will yield the answers that I NEED it to answer.

More to come on Thursday.... And if you got all the way through this, kudos to you!

Catching Up!

Last night a friend and I were talking. Before she signed off, she said "PS. Update your blog." So, Becca, you asked for it!

David and I have been in a whirlwind the last month. Things are going great! We had a slight breakdown and huge blow-out fight. We re-did our budget and we are doing really good. For the first time in AGES, we've actually had money in our account to last between paychecks.

Baby Making

We've also approached a new level of infertility. We know that IUI will not get us pregnant. Yeah, it would get the swimmers closer, but David's numbers are still low - there is "hope" that someday, they will get better. But what is someday? We are looking at IVF with ICSI - this means that the sperm is directly injected into the egg. But, this is extremely expensive.

Another option that has never really been an option but is kind of an option now -- donor sperm. David has always been very against this thought - it wouldn't be his child. I've never really thought of it as an option - it just seems cold to me. But, David told me that he is okay with the possibility. We want to have a baby, to be a family, and this may be our best option.

We have alot of thinking to do, and we meet with a fertility specialist later this month. We have alot of thinking to do. Plus, I talked to my mom and found out that my grandma had multiple miscarriages and so did she. They know her problem was progesterone - they didn't do testing back in the 40s when my grandma was having problems, but she could have had the same problem. So, we will probably be testing my progesterone levels....

Regardless of what we do, we can't do any procedures until September or October. We are going to use some of my flex spending to do the procedure, and that doesn't renew until then.

I really struggled over Mother's Day this weekend. I'm not sure why this year was so much harder than years past. And I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it was the numerous people saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me. When I say, Oh, I'm not a mom. They just look at me and smile. Maybe it was the newly pregnant friend who said, "You know, you and Dave got married before us. When are you gonna have a baby?" Maybe it was just PMS... Who knows.

Weight Loss

My weight journey has definitely been a roller coaster. I wanted to get back down to 190 before our anniversary. I don't think it's really going to happen - I've been doing alot of emotional eating lately. But, my new goal is to get down to 190 before my 10 year class reunion. That's June 26. I can do it!

I need to start over at the basics - writing food down, exercising, drinking water, getting the daily requirements of veggies, fruits, grains, etc... I can do it!!!! Keep me accountable.

So, that's pretty much my update... Lots of ups and ups - no real 'downs'. We're doing our best to stay ahead, and praying for our future. I promise to get better about blogging!

We're BAAA-aaack

David and I got back from our cruise this morning. We docked in Galveston yesterday morning, and after a LONG wait through Customs, we got in the van and headed home.

The cruise was absolutely amazing. We left Friday afternoon after I got off work and drove through a snow storm to get to Galveston Saturday morning. We had one day at sea, then a day at Progresso (on the Yucatan peninsula), a day at Cozumel, and then another day at sea. We docked Thursday morning, and then dealt with 2 detours, a sleeping break because neither of us could stay awake anymore, and a slight van break down! (Spark plugs and a coil pack needed replaced - lucky that my husband is handy with cars!)

So, here are a few pictures... We took 244 pictures, so obviously I'm not going to show you them all. But, here are a few highlights that aren't in any order because the Blogger uploader reverses them and I'm too lazy to change it!


On the beach at Progresso


Captain's Celebration night - this was in the Blue Saphhire lounge before the nightly show.


Together at dinner.


Out on the sun deck!

Love my toes, love the water.

David and I waiting to get off the boat on Thursday (told you this was out of order!)


Drinking at Cozumel - we did the Mexican Cuisine excursion. Beach time and cooking lesson with completely open bar!


David and the assistant chef, Moises


David and I before getting started on our cooking lesson

David and I at the beach in Cozumel.

Our last night on the ship. David bought me roses and chocolate covered strawberries. What a nice surprise and an awesome evening.


My handsome husband on our last evening.

I didn't get down to my goal weight of 190 but I was comfortable and that's what matters. Also, my knee was great! I only did the exercises the first night and morning at sea. I also had to do them the night at Cozumel because we did alot of walking and I was sore. But, really, I did pretty well overall.

David has already decided we are going to go again - I'm hoping we can go again next year over spring break! We had a blast, and it was great to be able to reconnect with my husband again. We haven't had a week together, stuck together with no interruptions, in so long. I honestly don't remember the last time that happened - maybe last summer? But there are always phones and computers... this week, those weren't even available! How perfect could it be???

Anyways. I'm scared to get on the scale tomorrow. I know that I gained weight - one of the skirts I took on the trip did not fit by Night 4! Oops! I will get on the scale tomorrow and will begin fighting the battle again. Hopefully I can get down to 190 and stay there!!!!

Worth the number

As you all know, I've been working my butt off to get my weight back to 190. Well, first, I wanted to get down to 185. But, I was realizing that I was having to starve myself and to get there without working out. And with my knee, I can't workout like I did when I got to 185.

So, my goal is 190. For the last 9 days, I've been writing down my weight instead of just weighing myself. I found out that I am averaging at 195. The days I work out and eat great, I go down a little. The days I eat good and don't work out, I go up a little. The days I don't eat good (even just a doughnut!), I'm up alot! But, averaging... I'm at 195.

Here's the problem though. I like the number 190. My doctor likes the number 190. Weight Watchers accepts the number 190. But my body? Does IT like 190? Or does it like 195?

My clothes fit fine at 195, I look fine in the mirror. But is a number really all that important? What does the number mean? Is that number WORTH having to workout 5-6 days a week? Is that number WORTH not being able to have a doughnut, bagel, or pizza night with my husband?

I'm going to keep trying for the 190. I WANT the 190. I'm going to record my weight every day for the month - write it down, not just keep it in my head - and average it. If I see that I can get down to 190 and stay there, great! If not, I will start accepting 195. Because of the cruise, I will also keep written track in April and see what happens.

I'm not writing down what I eat anymore - I know i SHOULD. But, that's another one of those 'worth it' things - Is it WORTH writing down every single bite for the rest of my life JUST for a number? But, I know when enough is enough. If I start to binge or stress eat, I write it down until things get better. But, for the long term? I just don't know right now if it's WORTH it just for a number.

And if you made it all the way through this, way to go! And give me your thoughts - is it all worth it for a number? Or just how you feel?

Quick Update

I had Physical Therapy this week, and all is well! I continue to only reposition 2 times a day, and my resistance level is at an 8. Well, Mike said "Lower to 7." Um, okay. I won't lie - I was nervous. Remember, this was when I had issues at the beginning of January. So, I lowered to 7, he took out a couple exercises and changed a few others, and I had NO problems during my workout!

Because it went so well, I don't have to go back for 3 weeks!!!!!! That's right! I don't go back until St. Patty's Day (the day before I have a hair appointment and the day after he isn't there). So, I've continued the Level 7 and exercises and I'm doing well. I was a little sore yesterday but I didn't do my exercises Thursday night because I didn't get home late. As long as I don't skip my exercises, I'm fine!

Also, David and I bit the bullet and joined a new gym. Our membership is almost up at Anytime Fitness. While we both really like the gym and being able to come and go as we please, there are a few things that it doesn't have that I want -- and really, NEED.

We joined the YMCA yesterday! They don't have a contract and my district has an agreement with the Y to wave the initiation fee! For the same price as Anytime, we get more equipment, lots of different fitness classes - 50 different kinds! And.... The Pool!!!! That's right! I have a pool now AND they have water aerobics classes that fit into my schedule! I will be able to exercise more and get back into shape and not stress my knee. The only thing that sucks is the hours are limited, but David thinks he'll still be able to go the days he's home.

So, tomorrow, I'm off to the gym. The puppies and I are going to spend a little quality time together tonight and get a little cleaning done. Then, tomorrow, I am going to do a little biking and treadmill time. I know that this membership will help me lose my last 8 lbs before the cruise and be in much better shape than I am now!

Valentine's Day has come and gone...

I can't believe it's been just about 6 weeks since my last post. Sorry! Things have been crazy around here lately, and I just realized I basically disappeared for 6 weeks. So, let's see if I can get you caught up...

The Knee...
It's there! After being released for light cardio, I got my resistance lowered all the way to a 7! And then PT told me to cut down my wear-time. So, I did. Well, then I did one thing too many (as I often do), and ended up back at Level 9, wearing it most of the day, and no workouts.

Now, we're back down to Level 8 and I'm only wearing it 1 1/2 hrs at a time. Also, I've cut out the middle of the day exercises and doing okay with that. I did Yoga one night and made it! Now that Valentine's Day is over (too many hours at the shop), I will be able to get back to the gym, do some more workouts, and see where I'm at.

I told my PT that I was scared to push myself at the gym, especially since the setback in January. He told me to push myself so that we can find the "setback point" while I'm still seeing him. So, it continues.....

Weight Loss
Well, it's not so there. I'm staying the same, which is good. But, I want to get down to at least 190 before the cruise. That means 1 month, people! 1 month to lose 8 lbs. I can do it!!! I just need to be more on myself about writing my food down. That is the biggest thing for me - write it down before I eat it. And write down the exercise too!!!

Baby-Making
I guess I don't know what to say about this. David's health has been an issue the last couple months, so of course we're not "trying." But, all these people around me are getting pregnant and it gets harder and harder for me to just grin and act happy. I want to feel what these women are feeling - I want to feel MY baby kicking and hiccuping inside me. I want to feel the mood swings (not like I don't already have those), the nausea, the shitty nights of sleep. I want my husband to lay his hand on my belly and feel OUR CHILD moving underneath.

I'm sick of people asking me when we'll have a baby. I'm tired of coworkers saying "So, how's the baby making going?" I'm sad when I find out friends are pregnant. Yeah, I think they deserve it, but when is it my time? When do I get to have a baby? When do I get to hold OUR miracle in my arms? To post totally random pictures of my child laughing, eating, playing with the puppies, sleeping, cuddling with daddy, sleeping on mommy's chest.... And when somebody asks? I try to be nice. I try to smile and say "In God's time." But God needs to hear me - HEAR ME - I need a baby. I want a baby. I deserve a baby.

God and I have had our chats. Well, at least I've chatted and I hope He has listened. Honestly, at this point I don't think He has. But, I've tried. I've opened my heart and prayed for this miracle. Now to take it into my OB's hands......

And I need to get David motivated. He needs to lose weight and get healthy. Once that happens, his numbers will "supposedly" get better. Then we can do an IUI. I'm hoping to do this before July so that we can use the money in the med spending plan we have at work.

I guess that's about it for an update. That pretty much covers the 3 biggest things in my life, right? I promise not to disappear for so long again. I have a few new recipes to show you all. Hopefully this week that can happen...

Until then... ta-ta for now!

Turkey Chili

I got this recipe from my healthy-eating boss, and it is so good! Even my picky in-laws ate it up. Although, they did add cheese and tortilla chips.. I plugged it into WW's recipe builder, and here are a few different "theories" on the points. I'm not sure how many it serves (they dont' eat normal portions), but I'm calling 1 cup a serving, so...

POINTS/Servings:
* 10 servings = 3 points
* 8 servings = 4 points
* 6 servings = 5 points

Ingredients
* 1 lb turkey
* 1 chopped onion
* 1 can chopped green chiles, drained
* 3 TBSP flour
* 2 tsp cumin
* 2 cans white beans, drained
* 1 can chicken broth

Directions
* Brown turkey and drain. Add onion and sautee.
* Add chilies, flour, cumin. Stir, cooking for 2 min
*Add beans & broth
* Simmer for 10 min and serve!

Merry Christmas!

One more Christmas has passed and we don't have our tiny miracle yet. I know, I know.. It will come. But damn it, I'm sick of waiting!

So, if you watch the news, you know that the midwest is being pelted! We've already gotten a foot of snow and are getting up to 6 inches more tonight/tomorrow. This is on top of the 10 inches we got 2 weeks ago that has yet to melt. Yeah, great times. Ready for the Snowed In crowd:
* 11 adults - me, David, my mom, and his family (including the fertile sister in law)
* 3 children under 4 - the 3 of the above fertile sister in law.
* 10 dogs - mine, my mom's, my mother in law's.
* Wine, wine, wine

It's definitely been an interesting few days... We celebrated Christmas last night - dinner, presents, etc... - because David was supposed to go to work this morning but couldn't get out of the neighborhood. So, he left at 5:00 pm - it took him 2 hrs and 15 min to get to work. But, he made it safe. And that's what matters. Jazzy and Max are not dealing with the people/kids well - they are stuck to my side no matter what and Max is being more protective than usual.

We all enjoyed opening gifts together. Our 2 yr old nephew is just learning how to open gifts - he usually gets in trouble for ripping so he had a hard time with learning that this was "okay" for the night. Once he got it figured out, it was hilarious!

And the last gift of the night was one from David to me.... A cruise!!!!!! We had been thinking about doing something over Spring Break, but "we" (me) didn't think we could afford a cruise this year. David found a really good deal on a 5 day Carnival cruise leaving from Galveston, TX the week of my Spring Break!

That also means that I need to get my butt in gear and lose the 15 lbs I've gained... Monday is a new day - the family will be gone, and I will be able to get back on the Weight Watcher's band wagon strict! I need to go to a meeting - I know I will have to pay, but I'm okay with that. Well, not really, but I need to face the scale and make myself accountable. The NICE sister in law and I already have a Cruise Shopping Day set in February!

So, I need help! Keep me accountable. My goal is to get the 15 lbs down by early February and then maintain until the cruise - I want to get down to 185, and the last time I got on the scale I was 201. I need to weigh myself in the morning, and then I'm going to make a ticker ~ I know how to gain the weight, I know how to lose the weight... Now how do I maintain it? Help!

The Knee Saga continues...

Well, as you all know, I was released 2 weeks ago to start some light cardio. I wanted to go 3 times the first week, but because of my schedule, I only made it once.

The first week, I made it 10 minutes at 2.7 mph. Today, I went 15 minutes at 2.8 mph! Not much of an increase, but enough of one to make me feel worth the effort to get to the gym.

On Tuesday, I had PT. Mike is really happy with my progress. We've lowered the resistancy from a 9 to an 8. Wednesday, I was a little sore, but now I'm fine. I'm doing better with the 3 sets of 10 steps and 3 sets of leg raises. He added 10 chair-squats. And, he took away my quad sets, and added a second leg raise. This leg raise, I couldn't even do 1 a month ago. Now? I can do 10 with only a little "annoying" pain!!! We are very excited about the progress!!!!

More of a "life" update later...

Time for a U-Turn

Since hurting my knee, workouts have been limited. Stress has mounted for lots of reasons, and WW has fallen to the backburner...

On Monday, I got on the scale to see where I was at. I started crying when it said 202. Seriously? I'm back over 200???? I've gained 17 lbs since hurting my knee. Crap!

And then I remembered something... Weight Watchers is a LIFETIME journey. It's not a diet, it's not a get-to-goal-and-then-stop thing. No, it's not. It really is a lifetime journey. It's a road... And I accidentally took the wrong fork in the road. Well, guess what? I found the spot to make the UTurn at. I'm making that Uturn and then getting onto the right path again!

Today is Wednesday, and when I got on the scale this morning, it was down to 197.3! I know it's water weight, but hey -- it's down! I watched my points all day on Monday (it wasn't perfect, but it was close), and yesterday I stayed just under my points. I've done really good today - I did have an oatmeal cookie, but my student teacher was doing a cooking project. The kids need to see us trying it to say "Oh, well, even the teachers try 'new' things!"

I had Physical Therapy tonight. This week has been better than last week. I had alot of pain last week, but he helped me push through it. This week, we worked out the "order" of exercises so that I can complete them all without unbearable pain. And.........

I get to start light cardio!!!!! He said I can do the treadmill or stationary bike, but the treadmill will be easier. No incline, and only 5-10 minutes to start. But, you know what? It's a start! So, I'm going to meet David at the gym after work tomorrow. He can obviously work out alot longer than I can, so he can get his long workout in, and I'll do my stuff while he's doing his cool down.

I know that getting back into the gym is going to help the weight. If nothing else, it will help me mentally - to know that I'm at least burning a few calories, and I won't be sitting around so much. I'm hoping it goes well - my goal is 3 times this week, and then I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can up the time and maybe days next week!!

I'm itching!

With all that's gone on with my knee, I have not had a GOOD workout since our 5K on Aug 15. I did what I could until the pain got even worse - arms, abs, etc... But, not what I've grown to LOVE - dripping sweat, exhausted, and happy!

Now that the brace is helping, I want to go back to the gym. I really haven't "wanted" to go back - I had kind of decided that I wouldn't be able to go to the gym for who knows how long... We had even talked about canceling my portion of the gym membership in February when we're up for renewal.

When I had PT on Tuesday, I asked if I could start doing the gym again. Mike said to give it a couple more weeks - I could be working on arms, but no cardio, legs, or abs. Well, that's what I love! The arm circuit takes me 15-20 minutes and doesn't get my heart rate up.

I want to go back - I NEED to go back. I'm READY to go back. I'm hoping I can go back around Thanksgiving. I would LOVE to start earning some activity points and getting toned again... I miss the cardio that I used to do. No, I can't run anymore. But, I can do cardio, and I can do the elliptical. I can get my heart rate going, and then throw some arm weights in... And then I can get back down to the 185 that I LOVED seeing on the scale!

I'm itching to get back to the gym! Itching! Need to go.. Need to go.. Need to go... hoepfully soon! *end of the most random post I've posted in a long time!*

Progress!

Today, I'm happy! Why? Because things are maybe starting to turn around! I don't want to say they are DEFINITELY turning around, because that would jinx it! So, things are MAYBE turning around....

The Knee

I got my brace 3 weeks ago. We've been playing with the right resistance, how long to wear it, etc... Last week, Mike (PT) added 2 quad strengthening things back into my night routine. On Wednesday, it tough, but I was able to do it. My leg was shaking and quivering, and I was having alot of pain after completing 6 out of 10 leg raises. Throughout the week, I've been able to do all 10 leg raises - yeah, I shake still, but no pain!

I went today for my weekly appointment. Every week, he has me do the series of 4 leg curls, and then does a "trunk rotation" test. I lay on my back with my knees bent, and then lean them to one side or the other. I've always been able to go farther going to the left (with my good leg on top) than to the right (with my bad leg on top). The first week, it was almost a 2" difference. Last week it was between 1 to 1 1/2".

This week, it was the SAME! That's right! The same!! This means that my hamstring is getting stronger, and "rotating" my femur to the correct path, which will make my knee track correctly. He increased my quad "sets" (flexing and relaxing the quad) from 15 to 30, holding each one for 5 seconds. He also increased my leg raises to 2 sets of 10. The last couple hurt, but I worked through it. He told me to work up to 3 sets of 10 by next week if I can - basically, as I don't have pain, I add more. He also added an ab strengthening thing. Again, one more thing that will make my leg muscles work correctly!

Weight Loss

After I stepped on the scale last week and saw 200.5, I freaked. Oh My God. I CAN'T let this happen to me. I've worked WAY too hard to get down to 185-190, and I've crept back up to 200? No FREAKING way!

So, I cut myself down to 27 points and actually tracked for a week. I lost 4 lbs in water weight literally overnight. This morning, the scale said 191.7! In 8 days, I've lost 9 lbs of the dreaded water weight and a little fat.

We're going to the Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow, good or bad. If I have to pay a week, I pay a week. I should be under 192 on their scale, as long as I don't overeat during the day. I still want to get back down to 185, and I know I will as long as I keep with it. I'm still not able to exercise - hopefully within a couple weeks - but I can watch my points and make healthy choices.

Vacuum Decisions!

My dad was planning on getting us a snow blower for Christmas with his Sear's rewards. I talked to him about what David and I could REALLY use - a new vacuum. He's willing to do this for us, so I get my vacuum!

The winner is:

The Dyson DC28 Animal vacuum! It has 2 removable filters that can be rinsed and reused. It's a little heavier, and more expensive, than the version with the ball. But, that one has 2 filters, but only 1 filter is removable. So, how do you actually clean the 2nd filter? Doesn't make sense to me, so I asked for this one. And it's a bonus that it's purple!

So, I have lots to be happy for today! Only thing that could be better would be to get pregnant this cycle! I'm ovulating sometime in the next week or so.. Fingers crossed, but not too tight because then the disappointment is harder...

You know you're old when...

Your Christmas wish list consists of 2 things:
** teaching certificate for the state you live in
** new vaccuum!

Yes, there are the normals - clothes, ornaments, scrap booking stuff, etc... But I would much rather have the other 2 things! In fact - I NEED the other 2 things!

So, Poll: What's your vaccuum - remember: we have dogs, allergies, and a dust-attracting house! What's your heavy duty vaccuum? And why do you love it?


In other news...

I'm thinking about going back to school to get my administration endorsement. I spoke with my PK supervisor and she said she hesitated quite a few years ago and then realized how many opportunities the administration opened up for her. Did she HAVE to leave the classroom? No. But, now she loves what she's doing and knows that she could go back to the classroom someday if she wanted....

The knee brace is working! I have 4 exercises that I do everyday - 2 of them, I do 15, and the other 2 I do 10. I do them 3 times a day (2 of them I only do 2 times a day because they are hard to do without a bed or table - laying down). I wear the brace all day so that I can get the support I need. Sunday was a sore day, and Saturday evening was pretty bad... but, still, the pain is WAY better than it was. Today? I walked around Walmart and it stopped hurting as soon as I got in the van and had a chance to rest for a few minutes. One of the exercises that I have to do was making my knee pop. My PT told me if I had unbearable pain associated, to stop. Well, yesterday.... the popping STOPPED!! That's right - no more popping! My knee itself pops sometimes, but not as often. Ahh.. relief! Here's what it looks like:





Last week was Red Ribbon Week (drug awareness/prevention). Thursday was Jammie Day, so David took a picture of me in my sexy jammies. And no, I don't really wear these to sleep in, but the kids LOVED them! And it gives you a better view of the brace.

That's about all I know right now. I'm busting ass on healthy eating this week, and I'll go to Weigh In next week. This week, I won't be able to make it because of PT, so next... Sure hope I'm under 190!

Life's update

So, it's been a while, huh? Where to start? Things have been freaking crazy... a roller coaster.. and it seems like more downs than ups.

I'm having one of those moments right now, so this will be short, sweet, and to the point. Pics and more ramblings to come when I'm not PMSing.

* I got my knee brace. It's going to be a long process, but I have hope that it will work. I got it on Monday, and when it's on, it feels great! My Physical Therapist is happy with the "progress" I've made since Monday. He's also letting me wear it throughout the day, and then I'll take it off after I do my night exercises. Except for today, when I just pushed too hard, it's been great!

* David and I are going through a few things.. We decided to stop the foster care classes. Yeah, I'm sad, but our marriage and our sanity is more important to me. There must be a reason that it just wasn't right...

* No news in the baby-making field....

* Maintaining my weight loss is not going all that great. I'm a stress eater - always have been, and I always will be. I wish I could tell you that Weight Watchers taught me how to be perfect all the time. But, guess what? I'm not perfect. It's pointless to try to fool you - or myself - that I'm perfect and can do no wrong. Sunday is a new week, and I will be back on track. I'm going to go back into weight loss mode - I need to lose the 10 lbs I've gained through stress and not being able to work out. I'll get there. I know I can do it. And then it won't come back on until I'm pregnant.

Foster Care Class and The Knee

Foster Care Class

Wow! Talk about alot of information in one night! David and I are excited. Our marriage is going to strengthen so much. 3 hours of dedicated "us time."

We will have alot of "roadwork" (homework) over the next 10 weeks on top of the 3 home visits. Our "coordinator" is pregnant, so our home visits won't be until Novemember and December. Her report isn't due until January 23, so we won't have kids in our home until the beginning of February at the earliest.

This gives us time to deal with.....

The Knee!

I called my ortho, Dr. Brown, to get a follow up appointment. So, my thought: try the Prednisone and get the CT scan done before my appointment next week on Tuesday. That way, we're one step closer to figuring out what's going on, right?

The first return message from the nurse: "I spoke with Valerie, the PA, and she doesn't think Prednisone is warranted at this point. She recommends 2 tablets of Aleve 2 times a day. Also, before you come back on Tuesday, please have your physical therapist send us an updated report of your progress." Okay, did she even LOOK at my file? Why do I ask this? Because... I was told to take Aleve - by the PA - 2 weeks ago. It hasn't helped. This SAME PA wrote a prescription for Mobic (7.5 mg daily), which I began taking on Thursday.

So, I called back and left a message for the nurse. "I've been on Mobic, which you prescribed me, since Thursday. This is why I'm wondering if we can try the Prednisone or do the CT so that we can be one step closer to making any decisions. Also, if Dr. Brown wants me to continue PT, he needs to send new orders over as they end this week."

Her message to me: "I spoke with Dr. Brown about you and he doesn't see that the scan or Prednisone are needed right now. Since you're on Mobic and the Cortizone shot didn't help, he thinks you just need to take time and rest. Elevate and ice your knee as often as you feel necessary. This is something that will just take time. See you Tuesday!"

My mental response: Screw you! You don't know me from Eve and you probably didn't even look at my file before making these "recommendations."
My actual response: I made a phone call to my family doctor, leaving a message for the nurse. "Would Dr. L want to see me before giving me a referral to another orthopaedic dr for a second opinion? I need to see a dr who will listen to my concerns and find out what is really wrong with me."

We'll see what happens. I'm very frustrated, very emotional, very anxious about all of this... Tomorrow should be another "easy" night at therapy because I'm still banned from any exercises. Unfortunately, my knee actually hurts WORSE without exercising than it did WITH the exercises. I don't get it?!!?!!!!

Hopefully I'll have better news soon....

I have him stumped!

Today was my 7th visit with my Physical Therapist. Mike is awesome. He's probably in his 40s, really passionate, and is really good with his patients. I really like him. He tries his best not to hurt me, and really listens to what my body is saying. (When I had surgery 12 years ago, the therapist DIDN'T listen and I think that is part of why I'm having problems now)

Last week, I had a heart to heart with him about needing my life back. He said we have to do things, step by step, and the most non-evasive ways are the ones we're going to do first. Well, duh!

So, on Wednesday, we had another short conversation - I'm more swollen than I was when I started PT. "Call Dr. Brown" - I needed to be switched from Aleve to Mobic. Okay, that's done. And he said we'd "re-evaluate" my needs on Monday (today).

Today came. This weekend was a PAINFUL weekend. Like, crying painful. Stabbing, sharp knife being dug into knee painful... Ouch! Even when it's not stabbing, it's a constant pain. It sucks. I need my life back. I need to do laundry, clean my kitchen, take care of my dogs. I need to get down on the floor with my students, carry buckets of flowers at the shop..... I NEED these things. I love what I do.

Mike re-evaluated me today. I'm more swollen today than I've ever been. This is after doing 2-3 loads of laundry yesterday, and that's IT for being on my feet. So, no more exercises. None. He took them all out. Why? Because it's irritating things more (about damn time "we" figure that out!). He still can't get over how loose my knee cap is and when he has me raise and lower my knee, it just grinds. His expression was not a good one - it actually kind of worried me!

Instead of exercises, we did a few "rest the knee" treatments. He did an "ice rub" - take ice cubes and rub them around my knee for 5-7 minutes. Then he applied a medicated patch to my knee that stays on for 2 hours. He'll do it again on Wednesday, and again on Thursday.

The biggest thing: I have to call the ortho again. He wants me to be seen this time - not just make a phone call. He thinks Dr. Brown will do 1-2 of 3 things:
1. Put me on Prednisone for 5 days to help calm my knee down. The down fall of this? It can lower my immune system... and working with PK kids during cold/flu season, and having a compomised immune system... not something I'd really enjoy. Plus, Prednisone makes me HUNGRY and BITCHY.
2. Do a CT of how my knee cap sits. I've already had the xray and MRI. I don't know that the CT would show anything different, but what do I know.
3. Start talking surgery. Mike thinks this will be Dr. Brown's LEAST likely decision because I've only had PT for 2 weeks. But, if we don't start talking surgery, he will at least "prescribe" more PT. (You have to have an active order for it or insurance doesn't cover it)

So, I'll be calling right at 8:00 to find out when I can get in. I'm hoping I'll be able to get in quick - I'll probably have to take a 1/2 day or something to make it work. Let's hope my principal is in a good mood when I let her know about this!

I guess that's about it -- Nothing new in the weight loss area. We begin our Foster Care classes tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have another update then!