Worth the number

As you all know, I've been working my butt off to get my weight back to 190. Well, first, I wanted to get down to 185. But, I was realizing that I was having to starve myself and to get there without working out. And with my knee, I can't workout like I did when I got to 185.

So, my goal is 190. For the last 9 days, I've been writing down my weight instead of just weighing myself. I found out that I am averaging at 195. The days I work out and eat great, I go down a little. The days I eat good and don't work out, I go up a little. The days I don't eat good (even just a doughnut!), I'm up alot! But, averaging... I'm at 195.

Here's the problem though. I like the number 190. My doctor likes the number 190. Weight Watchers accepts the number 190. But my body? Does IT like 190? Or does it like 195?

My clothes fit fine at 195, I look fine in the mirror. But is a number really all that important? What does the number mean? Is that number WORTH having to workout 5-6 days a week? Is that number WORTH not being able to have a doughnut, bagel, or pizza night with my husband?

I'm going to keep trying for the 190. I WANT the 190. I'm going to record my weight every day for the month - write it down, not just keep it in my head - and average it. If I see that I can get down to 190 and stay there, great! If not, I will start accepting 195. Because of the cruise, I will also keep written track in April and see what happens.

I'm not writing down what I eat anymore - I know i SHOULD. But, that's another one of those 'worth it' things - Is it WORTH writing down every single bite for the rest of my life JUST for a number? But, I know when enough is enough. If I start to binge or stress eat, I write it down until things get better. But, for the long term? I just don't know right now if it's WORTH it just for a number.

And if you made it all the way through this, way to go! And give me your thoughts - is it all worth it for a number? Or just how you feel?

Quick Update

I had Physical Therapy this week, and all is well! I continue to only reposition 2 times a day, and my resistance level is at an 8. Well, Mike said "Lower to 7." Um, okay. I won't lie - I was nervous. Remember, this was when I had issues at the beginning of January. So, I lowered to 7, he took out a couple exercises and changed a few others, and I had NO problems during my workout!

Because it went so well, I don't have to go back for 3 weeks!!!!!! That's right! I don't go back until St. Patty's Day (the day before I have a hair appointment and the day after he isn't there). So, I've continued the Level 7 and exercises and I'm doing well. I was a little sore yesterday but I didn't do my exercises Thursday night because I didn't get home late. As long as I don't skip my exercises, I'm fine!

Also, David and I bit the bullet and joined a new gym. Our membership is almost up at Anytime Fitness. While we both really like the gym and being able to come and go as we please, there are a few things that it doesn't have that I want -- and really, NEED.

We joined the YMCA yesterday! They don't have a contract and my district has an agreement with the Y to wave the initiation fee! For the same price as Anytime, we get more equipment, lots of different fitness classes - 50 different kinds! And.... The Pool!!!! That's right! I have a pool now AND they have water aerobics classes that fit into my schedule! I will be able to exercise more and get back into shape and not stress my knee. The only thing that sucks is the hours are limited, but David thinks he'll still be able to go the days he's home.

So, tomorrow, I'm off to the gym. The puppies and I are going to spend a little quality time together tonight and get a little cleaning done. Then, tomorrow, I am going to do a little biking and treadmill time. I know that this membership will help me lose my last 8 lbs before the cruise and be in much better shape than I am now!

Valentine's Day has come and gone...

I can't believe it's been just about 6 weeks since my last post. Sorry! Things have been crazy around here lately, and I just realized I basically disappeared for 6 weeks. So, let's see if I can get you caught up...

The Knee...
It's there! After being released for light cardio, I got my resistance lowered all the way to a 7! And then PT told me to cut down my wear-time. So, I did. Well, then I did one thing too many (as I often do), and ended up back at Level 9, wearing it most of the day, and no workouts.

Now, we're back down to Level 8 and I'm only wearing it 1 1/2 hrs at a time. Also, I've cut out the middle of the day exercises and doing okay with that. I did Yoga one night and made it! Now that Valentine's Day is over (too many hours at the shop), I will be able to get back to the gym, do some more workouts, and see where I'm at.

I told my PT that I was scared to push myself at the gym, especially since the setback in January. He told me to push myself so that we can find the "setback point" while I'm still seeing him. So, it continues.....

Weight Loss
Well, it's not so there. I'm staying the same, which is good. But, I want to get down to at least 190 before the cruise. That means 1 month, people! 1 month to lose 8 lbs. I can do it!!! I just need to be more on myself about writing my food down. That is the biggest thing for me - write it down before I eat it. And write down the exercise too!!!

Baby-Making
I guess I don't know what to say about this. David's health has been an issue the last couple months, so of course we're not "trying." But, all these people around me are getting pregnant and it gets harder and harder for me to just grin and act happy. I want to feel what these women are feeling - I want to feel MY baby kicking and hiccuping inside me. I want to feel the mood swings (not like I don't already have those), the nausea, the shitty nights of sleep. I want my husband to lay his hand on my belly and feel OUR CHILD moving underneath.

I'm sick of people asking me when we'll have a baby. I'm tired of coworkers saying "So, how's the baby making going?" I'm sad when I find out friends are pregnant. Yeah, I think they deserve it, but when is it my time? When do I get to have a baby? When do I get to hold OUR miracle in my arms? To post totally random pictures of my child laughing, eating, playing with the puppies, sleeping, cuddling with daddy, sleeping on mommy's chest.... And when somebody asks? I try to be nice. I try to smile and say "In God's time." But God needs to hear me - HEAR ME - I need a baby. I want a baby. I deserve a baby.

God and I have had our chats. Well, at least I've chatted and I hope He has listened. Honestly, at this point I don't think He has. But, I've tried. I've opened my heart and prayed for this miracle. Now to take it into my OB's hands......

And I need to get David motivated. He needs to lose weight and get healthy. Once that happens, his numbers will "supposedly" get better. Then we can do an IUI. I'm hoping to do this before July so that we can use the money in the med spending plan we have at work.

I guess that's about it for an update. That pretty much covers the 3 biggest things in my life, right? I promise not to disappear for so long again. I have a few new recipes to show you all. Hopefully this week that can happen...

Until then... ta-ta for now!

Turkey Chili

I got this recipe from my healthy-eating boss, and it is so good! Even my picky in-laws ate it up. Although, they did add cheese and tortilla chips.. I plugged it into WW's recipe builder, and here are a few different "theories" on the points. I'm not sure how many it serves (they dont' eat normal portions), but I'm calling 1 cup a serving, so...

POINTS/Servings:
* 10 servings = 3 points
* 8 servings = 4 points
* 6 servings = 5 points

Ingredients
* 1 lb turkey
* 1 chopped onion
* 1 can chopped green chiles, drained
* 3 TBSP flour
* 2 tsp cumin
* 2 cans white beans, drained
* 1 can chicken broth

Directions
* Brown turkey and drain. Add onion and sautee.
* Add chilies, flour, cumin. Stir, cooking for 2 min
*Add beans & broth
* Simmer for 10 min and serve!

Merry Christmas!

One more Christmas has passed and we don't have our tiny miracle yet. I know, I know.. It will come. But damn it, I'm sick of waiting!

So, if you watch the news, you know that the midwest is being pelted! We've already gotten a foot of snow and are getting up to 6 inches more tonight/tomorrow. This is on top of the 10 inches we got 2 weeks ago that has yet to melt. Yeah, great times. Ready for the Snowed In crowd:
* 11 adults - me, David, my mom, and his family (including the fertile sister in law)
* 3 children under 4 - the 3 of the above fertile sister in law.
* 10 dogs - mine, my mom's, my mother in law's.
* Wine, wine, wine

It's definitely been an interesting few days... We celebrated Christmas last night - dinner, presents, etc... - because David was supposed to go to work this morning but couldn't get out of the neighborhood. So, he left at 5:00 pm - it took him 2 hrs and 15 min to get to work. But, he made it safe. And that's what matters. Jazzy and Max are not dealing with the people/kids well - they are stuck to my side no matter what and Max is being more protective than usual.

We all enjoyed opening gifts together. Our 2 yr old nephew is just learning how to open gifts - he usually gets in trouble for ripping so he had a hard time with learning that this was "okay" for the night. Once he got it figured out, it was hilarious!

And the last gift of the night was one from David to me.... A cruise!!!!!! We had been thinking about doing something over Spring Break, but "we" (me) didn't think we could afford a cruise this year. David found a really good deal on a 5 day Carnival cruise leaving from Galveston, TX the week of my Spring Break!

That also means that I need to get my butt in gear and lose the 15 lbs I've gained... Monday is a new day - the family will be gone, and I will be able to get back on the Weight Watcher's band wagon strict! I need to go to a meeting - I know I will have to pay, but I'm okay with that. Well, not really, but I need to face the scale and make myself accountable. The NICE sister in law and I already have a Cruise Shopping Day set in February!

So, I need help! Keep me accountable. My goal is to get the 15 lbs down by early February and then maintain until the cruise - I want to get down to 185, and the last time I got on the scale I was 201. I need to weigh myself in the morning, and then I'm going to make a ticker ~ I know how to gain the weight, I know how to lose the weight... Now how do I maintain it? Help!

The Knee Saga continues...

Well, as you all know, I was released 2 weeks ago to start some light cardio. I wanted to go 3 times the first week, but because of my schedule, I only made it once.

The first week, I made it 10 minutes at 2.7 mph. Today, I went 15 minutes at 2.8 mph! Not much of an increase, but enough of one to make me feel worth the effort to get to the gym.

On Tuesday, I had PT. Mike is really happy with my progress. We've lowered the resistancy from a 9 to an 8. Wednesday, I was a little sore, but now I'm fine. I'm doing better with the 3 sets of 10 steps and 3 sets of leg raises. He added 10 chair-squats. And, he took away my quad sets, and added a second leg raise. This leg raise, I couldn't even do 1 a month ago. Now? I can do 10 with only a little "annoying" pain!!! We are very excited about the progress!!!!

More of a "life" update later...

Time for a U-Turn

Since hurting my knee, workouts have been limited. Stress has mounted for lots of reasons, and WW has fallen to the backburner...

On Monday, I got on the scale to see where I was at. I started crying when it said 202. Seriously? I'm back over 200???? I've gained 17 lbs since hurting my knee. Crap!

And then I remembered something... Weight Watchers is a LIFETIME journey. It's not a diet, it's not a get-to-goal-and-then-stop thing. No, it's not. It really is a lifetime journey. It's a road... And I accidentally took the wrong fork in the road. Well, guess what? I found the spot to make the UTurn at. I'm making that Uturn and then getting onto the right path again!

Today is Wednesday, and when I got on the scale this morning, it was down to 197.3! I know it's water weight, but hey -- it's down! I watched my points all day on Monday (it wasn't perfect, but it was close), and yesterday I stayed just under my points. I've done really good today - I did have an oatmeal cookie, but my student teacher was doing a cooking project. The kids need to see us trying it to say "Oh, well, even the teachers try 'new' things!"

I had Physical Therapy tonight. This week has been better than last week. I had alot of pain last week, but he helped me push through it. This week, we worked out the "order" of exercises so that I can complete them all without unbearable pain. And.........

I get to start light cardio!!!!! He said I can do the treadmill or stationary bike, but the treadmill will be easier. No incline, and only 5-10 minutes to start. But, you know what? It's a start! So, I'm going to meet David at the gym after work tomorrow. He can obviously work out alot longer than I can, so he can get his long workout in, and I'll do my stuff while he's doing his cool down.

I know that getting back into the gym is going to help the weight. If nothing else, it will help me mentally - to know that I'm at least burning a few calories, and I won't be sitting around so much. I'm hoping it goes well - my goal is 3 times this week, and then I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can up the time and maybe days next week!!