I did it!

Well, I went to weigh in tonight, and LOST 3 lbs!!! I couldn't believe it. When the number wasn't the same - or more - than last time, I about fell over! Last weigh in, I hit my 16 weeks and 30 lbs, but couldn't stay for the meeting. So, I got my charm this week:


Last night, I did my first "phase" of Couch to 5K! It's a running program that helps beginners "learn" to run. And I can go at my own pace - slow and steady! And if I need to repeat a week because I don't feel ready, I can do that to!

David was going to do his S/A on Friday, but our timing didn't work out, so he's waiting until Monday. So, we'll be delayed a few more days, but what's it matter in the long run? I'm at the wrong spot in my cycle to do anything anyways, so we figure it's better to ENJOY the "prep work" and be a few days later than to make it feel like a "chore."

I feel like things are maybe coming together again. We celebrate our anniversary in a two and a half weeks. I remember last year how I was panicking, trying to get everything done, and still teaching my kids... Wow! Was I a MESS! But, I loved every minute of it, and I love being married to "Firefighter Dave!"

Back on Track!

Okay, so the last 2 weeks have been crazy because of work and some other stuff. I didn't make it to WI last week, but I'm going tomorrow. I know it's going to be bad, but I just need to do it. And I'm going to the gym tonight. I'm going to start C25K (for time, not distance).

My eating isn't the healthiest today - SmartOnes for lunch and dinner - because of my schedule and we didn't cook last night, so no left overs. But, I'm drinking my water and eating lots of fruits today!

I'm getting back on track! I don't want to be the person I was ~ I look at my wedding pictures, and I'm actually a little lower than my pre-wedding weight (about 5 lbs, and clothes are regular sizes, not womens), and I know I want to keep going!

Emotionally/Financially/Baby-making.. I feel better. David and I have had several good talks. We know where we need to go, and he understands why I've been how I've been. And he's really telling me how he feels and what he wants to happen. We'll make it. And we'll have a baby to prove it. He goes for his test on Friday, so we'll know more next week.

I've never thought that life was an easy journey. It's always going to be a roller coaster. But, as a team, we can make it. I think back to the way my grandparents made it.... I know life wasn't easy for them: but they loved each other ~ and Grandpa gave us his blessing before he passed. "If you are half as happy as Helen and I were, you will be blessed over and over."

I'm back, and I WILL succeed! 99 3/4% guaranteed. (I love Dr. Seuss)

Weekend Craziness

Well, it was a weekend. A crazy one. Let's see if I can recap and make it slightly worth reading...

David and I started the weekend off early on Wednesday fighting. Big time fighting. He made some decisions without me that really hurt. He wants to wait to have a baby. Where was I in this decision? And why? Because his urologist is an asshole and won't code his visits so that insurance will cover. Fucker. We talked, and David wants a baby. He's scared. We'll get through it. I hope. But since he played around with his testing, we'll miss yet another cycle that we could have gotten pregnant. Ass.

So, Thursday, I worked at the flowershop until 10:00. This brings us to Friday...

Phone call at 3:55 that I had to take. Didn't leave school until 4:15. Went home, picked up the puppies. David was supposed to have put gas in the van for me, but hadn't gotten around to that OR cleaning it out to transport dogs to daycare. So, I took the Equinox.



Dropped pups at Barb's Best Friends, and then went to work. Stayed until 9:00, went home. Got ready for the garage sale. Bed at 11:30.
Up at 5:30 to get ready for garage sale.
Work at 8:00. Craziness. Ate worth shit all weekend (grease, grease, and more grease). All corsages and orders picked up at 4:30. Home at 5:15. The night of Drywalling began.

I think we finally went to bed at 12:30. I was so tired I giggled as I managed to completely screw up a would-be straight line on the drywall. That's gonna require some mud. Fuck.

Sunday. Mother's Day. Wish I were a mother. Or at least gonna-be a mother. But, no. I'm not that fucking lucky. My body said Happy NOT Mother's day to me with the start of my period. Mudded and taped all day. David started sanding the parts that we did last night.

Cleaned up, and picked the pups up. Oh, and we fought again. I really dislike my mother in law. She doesn't give a rat's ass about my feelings or my wishes when it comes to my home or my marriage. She's not welcome in my house. And David knows it. I hate her. She me some god damn respect.

Now it's Monday. I hate Mondays. And I hate my period. And I hate that I can't get pregnant. I hate that I can't talk to my husband because then he starts the "you deserve better" shit that I hate even more than keeping crap to myself. I guess I hate alot right now. And it sucks. I want to be happy. I want to be a mommy. I want the midnight wake up calls and the stretch marks. I want the tight bank account because my baby neeed new clothes or diapers. I want it all. And I don't have it.

A customer on Saturday reminded me of my grandpa. I miss him. And I miss Grandma. I hate that they won't be here to see my baby. But, I know they are in Heaven picking out the perfect baby for me right now. But I want them here damnit. I want to be able to call them and say I love you! I want to be able to call and say "Grandma, what did you do when you were married and Grandpa did...." She never met David. I hate that.

So, hopefully my next post won't be so damn depressing. Maybe I can get paint on the walls and make my life happier that way. I'll just paint over it all. Oh, and my class starts tomorrow night. And I have weigh in Wednesday. God, I hope I have made progress the last 2 weeks ~ I've eaten like shit, but tried really hard. Hopefully I've "worked out" enough with house stuff to at least maintain where I was.

I promise next post won't be so damn down. Promise. Pinky swear.

Kids Say the Darndest Things... and other random thoughts!

So, it's been a crazy few days!
House Stuff
* The house is still in complete disarray, but getting closer to getting done! We decided to drywall over the paneling, because as you can see in Demo Day #2, it looks like crap now! So, we'll be painting 3 walls and the hallway a light green, and then the "new" wall a darker green. I need variety, so can't do it all.
* We picked out the trim to go on the bottom:

The lighter oak is the floor, and then the darker "stuff" is the trim.

Weight Loss
* I didn't make it to weigh-in this week because we were at Home Depot. I needed to switch nights anyways because of class, so I'll just go on Monday as this is going to be my "new" night for the next 6 weeks. Then, I can go back to my Thursdays!
* My 16s that I got 2-3 weeks ago are falling off of me again! Hoping to make some money in the Garage Sale this weekend so that I can afford to get some pants that fit.

Baby-Making Stuff
* David hasn't been taking his medicine consistently. He has to take it for a full week before he can redo his test. So, now, we have to wait ANOTHER cycle to do anything medically (if needed). I'm so late in this cycle, I will miss days that I would need to take Clomid if we were going to do an IUI by almost a week. Thanks darling.
* Now that we've built the 3rd bedroom, we're ready for a baby! Just have to lay carpet and paint, and we're set! That will wait until we get pregnant though.

And, finally, what you've all been waiting for...
Kids Say the Darndest Things! We've been working on our mother's day projects. I gave them a questionnaire. Some of my favorites from the mouths of 5 year olds:
***My mom is special because:
"she always buys me stuff"
"it's Mommy's day!"
"she cooks me some breakfast."
"I get her flowers."
***My mom is smart! She even knows:
"numbers"
"10 plus 40"
"that I will go to school."
"anything"
"how to go to bed"
"me"
"food"
"my homework."
*** My mom is as pretty as:
"pair of pants"
"My aunt is as pretty as a good auntie"
"rainbows"
"mom"
"fairy"
"me"
"tree"
"pumpkin"

Demo Day 2

Nick and Mallory came over again yesterday at about 4:30. Mallory and I went and got the drywall we needed for the new bedroom. When we got back, the boys had most of the bedroom framed in. David had worked on the floor some more during the day, so Mallory and I got started on that!

9:00 cleanup, this is where we were at...

We started laying the floor! It's SO pretty!!! We're going to eventually drywall over all the "beautiful" wood panelling because it really doesn't match. But, that's the next step...

To your right is the new bedroom wall! In "front" of you is the hallway, and to the left is the kitchen "window." That will go away eventually (opening it up). It definitely makes the living room smaller, but we like it. The dogs have their own place ~ we don't have to see their kennels, their toys, their spilled food.... everytime we walk into the house! And when we get pregnant, we have a nursery that just needs carpet!

David and Nick are finishing the floor on Wednesday and Thursday. David and I will probably tape and mud the drywall on Sunday. Paint will come in a few weeks... And in a month or two, we continue on to the next project!

Demolition Derby!

Wow! I love getting crazy ideas and just starting them. We never really seem to plan ahead...

When we bought our house, we knew it was a fixer-upper, but it was livable.
When we moved in, we painted the 1960s wood paneling so that it didn't make the room seem so dark.

Before the paint (with previous owner's furniture)

After the paint (dark picture, but with our furniture).

Well, we've "lived" for 7 months, and are ready for some changes. So, when we qualifed for a Home Depot card, we decided we can do one project at a time, pay it off (interest free); pick the next project, pay it off; next project, pay it off..... The cycle will continue!
Our first project: The living room/hallway/dining room that we use as the dog's room that used to be a 3rd bedroom.
* We are going to close off the dining/dog room (we've never used it as a dining room ~ previous owners did), and make it a 3rd bedroom. This is actually how it was when it was built in 1960.
* We are getting rid of the ugly 1960's wood floor. It's the tiles for God's sake. Seriously??? Let's update a little people! So, that's going in the living room and hallway.
* The floor in the new 3rd bedroom is going to stay the tiles for the time being. When it's not the dog room anymore (when we have kids), it will get carpet!
* Take down the ugly beams on the ceiling that have NO purpose whatsoever, other than to make the rooms feel smaller!

So, we started last night!

David and Nick took the beams down before anything else. Obviously, the ceiling needs to be repaired, but I HATE those damn beams.

Getting started on the demo ~ you can see the lovely wood tiles that people in the 1960s thought was cool. Mallory and I learned alot about construction. The boys had a few great laughs at our expense.

We got alot done in one night! The sectioned off area is where the 3rd bedroom is going to be framed in.

Tonight, we finish demo and will hopefully be able to lay the floor down. And we are framing the new bedroom, and the drywall should go up.

It's May...

And David and I celebrated with great numbers at weigh in! I lost 1.2, which doesn't seem like much, BUT it put me at a total of 30.2 lbs in exactly 16 weeks!
David lost 7 lbs, for a total of 35 in 8 weeks! Here is a pic from our wedding, and then this week.

David's insurance FINALLY kicked in, so he is going to see Dr. DeSouza sometime this week for his S/A. It's really nerve-wracking to know that we could ACTUALLY get pregnant now! We might be able to do it on our own. And if we can't, then we can do the IUI like we've been planning. If the numbers don't go up, we will be seeing a fertility specialist. We know there are options, and we have hope! But only time will tell....

Let's see, in other news... Only 14 days of school left! And I can totally tell that my kids need to be done. They are so wound up, and then, of course, the weather SUCKS today! I hate rain. I love thunderstorms, but this dreary shit that we have right now is NOT cool.

Time for a family vent: My SIL (David's brother's wife) is having her second child on Tuesday. Right before our wedding, she had a miscarriage, and I feel bad about that. But here's the thing: she hasn't even raised the FIRST one! My mother-in-law has done the sleepless nights, the early mornings, the baby food, the weaning off the bottles, the potty training... everything! Why? Because "I'm tired." Who the FUCK cares??? Don't spread your legs if you can't raise the baby! Then, dear old mother-in-law asks if I can babysit so she can "focus" on SIL when she comes home from the hospital. Um, no. Again, don't spread your legs if you can't raise the kid.

I feel better now. I just needed to get that out, and David's gone for the weekend. Plus, always feel bad about venting to him about his family. I do love his family. At least I try. But sometimes, seriously, I could just scream!

Oh, I added a link to a blog. Matt, Liz, and Madeline. It is such a sad story. You should go read it if you haven't. I seriously cry everytime Matt posts an update.

I think that's about it. I know I lectured others on not blogging... and then I didn't for a couple more days than usual! I promise to try to keep up on it!