Random Update

Well, it's been a couple weeks, so I thought I'd throw an update up ~ Enjoy!

* I went and worked out last night! I realized how out of shape I've let myself get. Before my surgery, I could do 45 minutes on the Elliptical and then a bunch of situps on the ab machine. Granted, I was tired, but I could do it without feeling like I was going to die. Last night, I made it 20 minutes, and no abs. I should have tried abs, but the pain by my incision was starting to hurt a little bit, so I figured I didn't want to push it. But, man, was I tired! David and I are going tonight ~ I'm hoping to push it to 30 minutes.

* We are going to Weigh-In tomorrow night. I don't know how much I will have lost ~ I've been more cautious about what I'm eating, and last week I watched my points really close.... But, I know I'm not OVER-EATING, so hopefully I will have lost something. If I lose 1 lb, I will be at 50 lbs lost!!!

* Fiber One has come out with new stuff: pancake mix and pop-tarts! David went shopping today and was going to look for them! He's also cooking and cleaning for me today so that I can focus on my comps for the next week.

* My graduate project - the comps - is due in less than 2 weeks. It's 3 essays, 5-7 pages EACH with at least 5 professional resources on each one. Doesn't "sound" hard, but there is so much I have to cram into each question, it's overwhelming. Plus, report cards are due Friday and conferences are next week.

* My mood has finally settled down. The Lexapro has kicked in and I'm starting to sleep a little better, but not like before. Maybe I'm just catching up? I haven't had to take any Adavan for about a week, so I'm pretty happy about that!

* Our loan on the house has FINALLY been approved. Now, we are just waiting for the money to show up from the bank so we can close.

* I'm finally getting "Ok" about waiting to have a baby. We are going to decide what to do in December. We may wait a few more months and get some more bills paid off. But, I'm okay with waiting. I know we will have a baby when God wants us too.

Made it to a meeting!

So, I finally made it back to a meeting. The bad thing is... the leader that I love so much left this time (she only does one meeting at this location now). David and I go to Leah's meetings on Wednesday evenings when we can. But, with my classes, I can't go. So, I tried the new leader. Definitely not impressed. But, the accountability is there and that's what matters. When Leah left, they also changed the time from 5:15 to 5:45. Only 2 of the "original" group were still there. It was really sad.

But, anyways.... I lost 4.4 lbs since the last time I weighed (about a month ago)! With what the Dr. wants me at, I have 12.8 (so we'll call it 13) lbs to lose!!! Very excited about that! David and I set goals for ourselves last night. When I lose 2 1/2 lbs, I get a pedicure, and then when I hit my Lifetime, David is taking me to Castle Unicorn for the night! His closest goals are: 13 lbs, new clothes (I wish he'd let me get them for him sooner!), and then 50 lbs, Weekend Getaway.

Also, WW has come out with some new stuff... They now have pasta/rice sides. They were only $3, so I got the chicken one:

I used the recipe on the back and added steamed broccoli and grilled chicken. It was good! I think next time, I'll throw a little cheese on or maybe marinate the chicken for a while before grilling it. But, it was a really easy meal, and that's what I needed tonight.

Feeling better!

Okay, so first off ~ sorry about the last blog. Things just pile up and then I blow up. But, things are getting better!

I had a migraine last night (which wasn't the good thing), and continued in to today. So, I stayed home from work (I was up all night, all but puking most of the night). David made me go to the DR thinking that it was from all the stress. She changed my meds a little ~ upped my Lexapro and gave me Adavan for a more "fast acting" response to anxiety attacks. It's a really low dose, so we'll see what happens. I took one today to see if it would knock me out, and I stayed awake (I was already exhausted, so this is a good sign!) and continued to function.... If I'm still waking up extremely tired in the mornings in 2 weeks, we will play with my sleeping pill.

Oh, and I asked her about WW ~ what did she want my goal to be? According to WW healthy guidelines (medically based), I should be between 157-187. Considering I started at 252, that number really scared me. Will I be able to maintain it? So, DR wants me to shoot for 190. If I stall out, or have trouble maintaining it, she said 200 is okay, but 190 is better. She did say if I could go lower, that's great, but she doesn't want to see me starving myself every day to stay at that lower weight. She wants me to be happy with my lifestyle!

We have officially put Baby-Making on hold until January. Adavan is not safe for pregnancy, so David and I had to make the choice. Right now, I'm not emotionally ready for a baby, at least with all of this stress. So, in January, we will reevaluate. It's only a few months away, so David is going to keep taking the Clomid and do his test in early December. That way, if we decide we're ready, we can try IUI my first cycle after graduation!

The house is getting put together. With all the market ups and downs, there were some internal things that the mortgage company didn't even know about. That's what has taken so long. So, now we've got things figured out and should close on Friday. David is working Thursday through Sunday though. So, the notary and I are taking a road trip Friday afternoon (after work) so we can get everything signed! I told the company tonight that whoever can go with me will get dinner ~ yes, I'm willing to bribe to get this done!!!! And with the market the way it is, we REALLY don't want to have to wait until Monday, when David will be home again.

So, things are looking up. I still have pictures of the house to show you. Picture Day is Tuesday, so I'm hoping to get a new top that fits ~ which means updated Weight Loss pic, too.

Thanks to all my Blog Buddies who, without even knowing it, have gotten me through a rough month. This is my place to vent sometimes, and reading your blogs are inspiring!

Now to bed.........

Me Time

*Disclaimer: This may be one of the more depressing "reports" I've had for a while. Don't read it if you plan on judging me for my feelings.*

Life has been CRAZY the last month or so. We got the house and moved in. But, we have yet to close. We've been here for 3 weeks now. He keeps saying "we should get the approval tomorrow" or "oh, they need updated pay stubs," and "now it came back and we just have one more step before the approval." When the FUCK is the damn approval coming? Because, seriously, this is getting old. The owner/realtor/mortgage broker says "I know we'll close. Don't worry." Seriously? I'm living in YOUR house, trying to make it MY HOME. How am I supposed to not worry?

Then, we find out the septic tank ~ reminder, we live in the county, not the city, so no sewer line ~ hasn't been inspected or drained in 4 years. Supposedly, the inspector "checked" it, but obviously not. So, we paid for it to be cleaned, the owner paid for some repair. But, then, they find a second tank with no lid/riser (I guess this is a bad thing?). They go in to fix that, and find that the 2nd tank has 2 compartments - tack on more money. Luckily, we haven't closed yet, so the owner is splitting it. But, still. Lots of flipping money we weren't expecting.

David is working ~ I love him for what he does ~ but damn, I miss him. We're having friends over tomorrow night, which will be so much fun. But, at the same time, I'm stressed. What if they don't like the house? Is it clean enough? Will we have enough food/alcohol? The list goes on....

So, I'm trying to clean, and the dogs are helping me out, oh so much. They decided to get into some mail (not sure where from) and destroy it in the living room while I cleaned our bedroom and worked on the office.

I've been stressed anyways. I hurt my toe at work yesterday. I had a really heavy workload for class this week, and now I'm behind for my reading. I get my Comp questions on Monday ~ this decides whether or not I graduate in December, but no pressure, right?

Wednesday, my 16 year old nephew was almost killed. He fell on a set of antlers that my mother in law is stupid enough to keep as a "souvenier" from a car accident (obviously car vs. deer) about 5 years ago. The antler barely missed his spine. Luckily, David's dad was smart enough to call David before he pulled the damn thing out. David obviously said "don't," and happened to be at our old house, so less than 5 minutes away. They took him to the hospital, and he came home a few hours later. He's fine, but obviously in pain. Very scary. And now my mother in law thinks that we need to feel sorry for HER because SHE feels bad it happened. Um, no. I'll feel sorry for my nephew, but you're the dumbass to keep the damn things laying around on the floor when there are other young children in the house who might not be so lucky!

I haven't been to a WW meeting in 2 weeks. We've been too busy, and I haven't been able to squeeze it in. And I'm going back to my old habits ~ emotional eating. I've done really good managing this. I allow myself the extras to keep from binging... but, this week, it seems like I've forgotten all that I have learned! I had 2 doughnuts and 2 glasses of juice for breakfast, 3 slices of pizza and salad for lunch (at least I had salad), and then some frozen shit out of the box for dinner. Oh, and 3 drinks because I "needed" them. What am I doing to myself? I LOVE the way I'm looking these days ~ and people notice, and I feel healthy! ~ but at the first sign of stress, I go back to the OLD ME.

I want a baby. So. Fucking. Bad. It hurts. It's killing me. We thought maybe next month, but now with everything going on... My period started yesterday (to add to the stress, now I have hormones). Last night in my child abuse class, we talked about increased risk of physical abuse/neglect. Mothers with emotional "disease" was one of them. I'm on medicine for my anxiety. Am I destined to hurt my baby that I want SO FUCKING BAD????? This scares me so bad. But, I go off the medicine, and I'm a completely different person. And not in a good way.

So, I called my dr's office. This anxiety attack is really bad. I haven't had one like this in a long time ~ I mean, hell, I'm venting to you on an internet site. I know some people will think that I'm this horrible person and that David deserves better than me (refer to previous blog about being in high school), but I don't care anymore. I'm waiting for the nurse to call me back ~ maybe I can take an extra pill tonight.

*Second Disclaimer ~ I did NOT go back and proof this, and just ranted off a whole lot of feelings. Thanks for being the sounding board. I promise next post will be better!*

Recipe Review

Well, I was going to post this really yummy recipe I make, but then I looked back and saw I had already posted about it: Overnight Scrambled Egg Bake.

I was talking to a coworker a few days ago and said "I have treats on Friday." She goes, "You HAVE to make the casserole you made last year!" I know it's yummy, and it's really easy also, but I didn't think it was THAT good! But, in looking at the work room this afternoon, there is one piece of the one with ham and 1/2 a piece of the one with sausage. Obviously, they liked it!

And since I'm on a MAC, and I can't actually link stuff right now (and I'll forget), I'm reposting it for you now:
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 10 min
Cooking Time: 60 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients
16 oz fat-free egg substitute
12 oz fat-free evaporated milk
6 slice white bread, or potato bread (Or you could probably use wheat and make it a little healthier yet)
6 oz extra-lean ham (I also did one with Turkey Sausage, and doubled the sausage. I also cooked and drained it before putting it in the casserole)
1 cup low-fat shredded cheddar cheese

Instructions
** Coat a 9x13 inch baking pan with cooking spray
** Beat eggs well and add milk
** Place bread on bottom of baking pan.
** Toss ham and cheese over bread. (If you do turkey sausage, cook, drain and cool before putting it over the bread)
** Pour egg mixture over top.
** Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.

** Bake covered egg mixture at 350 for 45 minutes. Remove foil and bake for an additional 15 minutes.

For Weight Watchers People: POINTS® Value: 7 (I'm not exactly sure what the points would be for the doubled turkey; probably not much different though)

Randomness...

It's been about a week, so I figured I'd give you all the updates, however boring they may be.

1. Still haven't closed on the house. Getting there, but we have to be patient. At least the owner let us move in!

2. Mom was up this weekend with her 2 dogs. We actually got all the dogs to sit on the couch together ~ once I have a copy I'll show you. It looked cute, so we'll see. Mom helped us unpack the kitchen and bought us a table for a housewarming present. It looks awesome in the kitchen area.

3. I found my camera. Can't find the computer cord. Will hopefully find it tonight when I try to finish unpacking the office. Then you get pictures (which I have taken!).

4. Still having some pain from surgery. Went to see the surgeon yesterday. Dr. Scott said everything feels fine, and some pain is still "okay."

5. We were hoping to talk to the OBGYN about doing an IUI next month, but with everything else going on, we are postponing yet another month. We keep praying for the miracle, but with David working so far away and for so many days in a row, it's not likely to happen.

6. Haven't been to Weight Watchers for a couple weeks. Still watching what I eat and exercising (well, if moving is exercising). Haven't been to the gym because of the distance and pain (see #4). I'll go next Thursday and see how I've done on my own.

I guess that's about it. Things are so up in the air, and I'm trying to remain calm and just have faith. David inspires me everyday ~ he takes it all in stride and doesn't let it get to him. I don't know where I would be without him in my life.

Moved in!

Well, I was hoping to have more pictures... but someone put my camera in a box (it was on the desk), so I need to find it.

But, we did get most things moved. Still have the kitchen and bathroom to do, but we're getting there! And we got the majority of the fence up last night. Last few panels will go on tonight, and then the dogs can move to their new home. Oh, and I got curtains and a trashcan with a lid (so Allie can't get into trouble).

I slept there last night ~ it was kind of weird being in a big house by myself, but it was WONDERFUL!!!!! One of these nights David will have off and he will get to sleep there too (I think maybe Saturday?).

So, I will hopefully find my camera and take pictures tonight. No internet at home until Wednesday though, so you have to wait until then for the pics. Sorry! The mac at work doesn't download pictures to the internet right. :-(