Emotional Eating....

Since starting WW, I have learned that I'm an emotional eater. I feel like I have done a really good job combating those feelings and that reaction (bad day=bad food).

But today? This week? Not so much. I don't know what's going on. I feel like my world is falling apart around me. I have my husband, my puppies, my house, food in the fridge and on the table, and extended family. I have the basics and even more. My husband is my rock - he has been since LITERALLY the day I met him.

I don't know what my deal is. David thinks maybe I'm pregnant. I don't know. And then I get scared because can we really afford it right now? We've been trying so long, but the renters we have in our old house are horrible. They were - yes were - friends of ours. And I know realize that it was stupid to do that. But, we've tried everything to help them - and thought them being there would be a good situation for all involved. But, they continually screw us over and I barely even get an I'm Sorry. I feel like we work our asses off - I have 3 jobs (one is only 8 hrs on Saturday, but still...), David has 2 and is in school. And we have nothing to show for it. Oh, wait. Yes we do. We have $30 in our bank account until next Friday. Yeah, not sure how that's going to work.

I love my students. My para is good. My school is okay. But, I'm just not happy there this week. The year I started I was hired in November, so I'm a year behind where I should be for "tenure" - when I can actually move around outside of my school. My principal last year had the opportunity to put me in the Kindergarten classroom that I would have killed for. She didn't. She could have put me one of the 2 3rd grade classrooms that I would have enjoyed. But she didn't. She hired 3 new teachers that SUCK. Seriously - they suck. And I'm stuck in a grade that is burning me out to no end. So, now I have my masters - I should be able to move right? Nope! Just because I'm not tenured they won't even CONSIDER me until *possibly* this summer, and probably not even then. We can't afford for me to get my Iowa license because of our renters and everything else, so I'm stuck at my school another year. I thought about trying to get into another district in Omaha, but what's the point when I want to come to Iowa next year - or the school year after we have our first baby.

One of my coworkers made a nasty comment about the fact that "I can't afford XYZ because I don't have a husband to support me." UM, excuse me? My husband and I work our asses off for what we have and we support each other. Then, she tells me that since "you live with your hubby" that I don't need to talk to him at all during the day. Again, let me explain my schedule to you bitch. I am LUCKY to see David 2 hrs a night 3 nights a week. He's at home, with me, in bed, one night a week. That's it. So, try that again. You see the guy you are fucking more than I even TALK to my husband. Why do people think that just because we're married means life is all fucking hunky-dory and rainbows and puppies?

So, back to the emotional eating... I've been hungrier than usual today - I didn't eat all my points yesterday, so I figured I would be a little hungry today. I packed lots of yummy veggies and fruit to get me through the day. So, how did I do? Well, I started off great with cereal for breakfast. I got to school and today was Friday treats. I usually resist, but today I had a big, soft, still slightly warm bagel - but, hey, the veggie cream cheese was reduced fat! Lunch? I had a McDonald's grilled chicken southwest salad. I figured out that with dressing, it's only 8 points (maybe 9), so a little high but not too bad..... Then, I proceeded to eat one of my Lindsor Truffles, another 1/2 bagel (this one wasn't plain so I know it was more points), and a handful of cheetos! I get home... shouldn't be hungry, right? Need to go to the gym, right? Nope. I'm gonna sit on my skinny ass and have 4 points of mexican rice. Then, I'm gonna pop open a bottle of white wine and heat up ~ 3 cups of the Taco Soup with cheese and sour cream! Oh, and I had saltines with that. And I'm still hungry. I have ice cream and chocolate cake (true, both are healthy) calling my name...... and it's only 6:42. My incision has been bothering me today, so I'm worried about going to the gym. If I could get off my ass, I'd do my walking video. But, probably not a good idea with 1/2 glass of wine in me.

I still have to go deal with our renters - I don't plan on being nice. If David were with me, we would be telling them they have 1 month to stop fucking us over or they could start packing their bags. But, I'm by myself. So, I'm going to ream them and tell them that if it happens one more month, we will change the lease to reflect that if we go into our overdraft protection because they don't pay their rent on time (we still pay the mortgage payment on time so it doesn't hurt our credit), then they will have to pay that money back to us. And I'm going to tell them that I'm done with their "friendship." You never answer your phone when I call - I leave messages just to see how you're feeling because you've had bronchitis and other stuff going on.... I'm done. I will be here every month on the 10th of the month to pick up your rent. The lease says your responsible for all repairs, but you will let us know when something is being repaired. And our friendship is over.

So, emotional eating sucks. I feel like a horrible wife, a hypocrite, a bad friend, a bad coworker, bad teacher, bad everything right now........ I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm getting sick of it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!