"You don't look good"

I went back to work yesterday. I dealt with the silent treatment from my aide, and I made the mistake of letting the kids hug me while I was standing up. I ended up with a couple heads being "slammed" right into my abdomen. I thought I was feeling better until THAT happened.

I did the colon cleanse on Monday, and it helped a little.... on Monday. Tuesday morning, I started feeling clogged, and realized the clogging was starting back up again. I didn't eat breakfast Tuesday morning because I wasn't hungry and my stomach was upset. I didn't even FEEL hungry until 10:30, and by then, it was almost time for lunch. Lunch? Yeah.... I could barely eat because I started feeling sick again as soon as I started eating, and it was a mild lunch. I ate very little (maybe a 1/3 of what I usually eat), and then couldn't stand the increasing pain anymore. To eat dinner, I had to take Reglan, which is an anti-nausea med. After I ate that I was fine....

So, to the title of this particular post.... I walked in, running a minute or two late, and my principal says "You look too skinny" and asks a Kindergartner to give me his graham crackers! The funny thing? All month I've gained weight, and then lost the same amount, then gained a little, then lost a little.. right now, I'm up about 5 lbs, probably because of the stomach stuff.

As the day goes on, teachers are stopping me and talking to me... Several told me I didn't look like I felt good. One of the parents of my students says "I'm glad you're back but you don't look good!" Gee, thanks.

Today, my second day back.... My para talked to me a little more today! I was observed by my supervisor, which went fine - she warned me about it yesterday. And I made the rule that if the kids wanted to hug me, I had to be sitting down. That saved alot of pain and close calls! A few people told me I looked "better" than yesterday - Thanks, I think? I'm still being told that I'm really skinny and someone told me she was worried about me when she saw me picking at my lunch! Sorry, dealing with stomach issues... not much I can do! But, I still got told that I didn't look good. One teacher even said "Wouldn't it beat it all if you ended up pregnant right now!" Yeah, thanks. I know she doesn't know we're having problems having a baby, but I did say that we had to wait now..... and then she made this comment and I about started crying!

I called the GI doctor again today. His nurse said she would talk to him and call me back. But, guess what? His latest appointment is 4:00 and he's only in clinic one day a week. So, chances are, it's gonna be more time off for me to figure this out... Everybody is telling me what to try to fix the plumbing issues and I finally said "I don't want to mask what's going on. Yeah, it sucks, but I think it will be easier if I just follow what my doctor says."

So, I'm glad to be at work. I come home beyond exhausted and hurting like no other, but I'm back. I ate dinner - no Reglan beforehand - and it didn't upset me too much (still irritable, but not so much that I feel like crying like other meals in the recent past have. Maybe that's progress?

Conferences are next week and I'm overwhelmed. My report cards are due Monday, which really freaks me out. I don't even know my kids anymore! My para is helping get some stuff done, so that's nice. But, I just don't have the energy to work on them at home, and I only have 45 min a day that I can work on them, and that's also my time to get other stuff done. EEK! I know it will be okay, but it's going to be a L.O.N.G. week!