"Wait and See"

So here's my vent post for the month. It will probably get long because I have alot of bottled up frustration..... Ready?

I went to see the GI specialist today. Guess what he said? Do this, wait a couple days, and we'll see what happens. Really? So this makes 3 doctors - 6 if you count ER doctors - who have basically told me to "wait and see" while I've been sick. So, I'm basically prepping for a colonoscopy without having the procedure. Dr. C told me I could mix the stuff with whatever I needed to so that I could tolerate it better. I mixed it with Sprite and that helped a little. But, I'm so flipping nauseous from it - I'm probably not drinking anymore of it, and I've only had 1/3 of it. I'm starting to gag as soon as I just smell the stuff in the glass. And yes, I tried plugging my nose. I can't swallow it like that - it irritates my gag reflex.

And because of all these damn doctors telling me to wait and see, we have to wait to have a baby. We will have to have a summer baby unless I (a) switch school districts to one who gives paid maternity leave separate from sick time or (b) wait 3 years to get 30 days of leave built back up. Even while trying to have a baby, it always seems like I'm waiting and seeing. We time having sex by doing OPKs and charting, and then we wait and see if it worked. When we started it was "wait a few months so your body can adjust to being off the pill and then see what happens." Once David started the Clomid it was "wait 3 months and see what happens." Seriously. I know having a baby isn't always a quick thing. Obviously, I understand that. We've been trying for over a year and a half. And now, we have to stop and wait and see if September will work for an IUI. David is waiting to go back on Clomid until April or May, giving us more than the 3 months of "waiting and seeing," but that gives us a window. He will also be taking the FertilAide daily starting in April. I'm going back to a regular prenatal, and then in August, I'll do the FertilAide but add anything that's "missing" from the prenatal since the formulas will be different.

We probably won't be going to California in June. I just don't think there's enough money in the budget. I lost one of my tutoring cases because his counselor - he's a foster kid - told the foster mom that he "had" to have somebody there consistently. I understand that. But, I'm pissed. That's $100 a week we're losing. The company told me they would get me another case when I was ready for it. So, I'm going to "enjoy" 2 quiet weeks with just my one case, and then I'll get another case. We owe the hospital so much money, plus we have credit card debt. We want to get out of debt, besides our house and student loans, so this it's probably better that we skip the reunion. But, I haven't seen my family in a long time, so I'm sad.

On the working page.... I spent 2 hard years working my ass off to get my ESL/ELL degree. But, because I'm not tenured, I have to wait until the summer and see if they will need an ESL/ELL teacher somewhere. I do like my school - not all the people, not all the time, but that's anywhere.... - but I feel like I'm wasting my master's degree doing Pre-K. I don't know if I should take stuff home at the end of the year or leave my stuff there. I know that it's still early - only the beginning of March - but I would love to know by the end of the school year. That way I could plan my school year easier!

Well, now that my stomach is in knots, my ass is on fire, and if you've actually made it through this, kudos to you! Thanks for listening! I'm done ranting about waiting and seeing. Hopefully my next post can be a little more optimistic!